Even if you just have a few minutes, knowing what to do after work to physically and mentally transition can help counteract tension and loss of focus triggered by all those hours spent grinding away, sitting through meetings, or staring at screens. “There’s this saying that ‘companies shouldn’t have the right to get their employees fresh during the day and send them home tired at night,’ but until the [working] world comes around to that reality, it’s really up to us to do these mini resets for ourselves,” says wellness and meditation expert Susan Chen, founder of Susan Chen Vedic Meditation.

Below, find seven expert tips for what to do after work in order to refresh your mind and body for your evening ahead.

8 simple things you should do to reset after work

1. Separate yourself from your workspace

Whether you’re working from home or in an office, it’s key to create a buffer between your physical work and leisure spaces. “We really have to be intentional about leaving work where work is,” says Chen. If you work in an office, your commute home can naturally serve as that buffer. But if you work from home, you can also create this boundary by putting your laptop in a separate room (or drawer) from where you’ll spend your evening once you’re through working, says Chen.

“We really have to be intentional about leaving work where work is.” —Susan Chen, wellness and meditation expert

If your work setup isn’t easy to move at the end of the day, cover it with a pretty scarf or blanket to create that visual reminder that you’re off the clock, adds Chen. And remember: Checking work emails and pings on messaging apps like Slack and Microsoft Teams after your workday has ended will blur this boundary—don’t do it if you can avoid it.

2. Do some simple stretches

Taking the time to do a couple quick stretches, if you can, will help work out any stiffness you may feel from being locked in a few of the same positions for most of your day. Trainer Denise Chakoian, owner of CORE Cycle. Fitness. Lagree., recommends focusing on your spine and hips, “which are in flexion all day [if you’re sitting] and can get very compressed.”

If you’re able to get down on the floor, Chakoian says a couple quick cat-cow yoga poses can help re-align the spine, and she especially recommends a figure-four stretch to open up the hip flexors: Lie flat on your back and cross your right leg over your lift, placing your right ankle on your left quadricep; then, reverse it. If you can’t get on the floor, she suggests some hip circles to loosen the back and hips instead: While standing, place your hands on your hips, and rotate your hips in circular patterns.

People who work at a computer should be sure to stretch the neck and shoulders, too, given the tendency to hunch over a screen, adds Chakoian. To start, she recommends rolling both the head and shoulders in circles, alternating directions. Then, stretch the shoulders by “drawing the shoulder blades in towards each other,” she says.

3. Make time for movement

In addition to stretching your body, Chakoian strongly advises making time for some movement at the end of the workday, even if it’s just a few minutes. “If you can finish your day, put on your headphones, and just walk for even 15 or 20 minutes, you’re stretching the body and getting blood flow back to your muscles,” she says.

All the better if you can take the movement outside, where you may be able to reap the restorative benefits of green spaces and sunlight, too. Or, turn on your favorite song and dance it out for an extra hit of feel-good dopamine.

4. Focus your eyes on something that isn’t a screen

Staring at a computer all day can contribute to digital eye strain, which can include symptoms like dry eyes, irritation, and focus issues. Part of the reason why? It’s a natural impulse to blink less while staring at a screen (even if you don’t realize you’re doing so).

As a result, it’s a good idea to ease off the screens post-work and to simply “switch the focus of your eyes,” says Viktoriya Karakcheyeva, MD, director of behavioral health at the Resiliency and Well-Being Center at George Washington University’s School of Medicine & Health Sciences. By changing what your eyes are focusing on, you’ll give them a chance to adjust to their new surroundings; Dr. Karakcheyeva suggests simply looking into the distance for 20 seconds, for example, “out the window at something green.”

5. Use water as a “pattern interrupt”

Incorporating what Chen calls “pattern interrupts,” or quick practices to let your mind know it’s time to transition between activities, can help you reset after a day of work.

“If you’ve been in the zone and in that task-oriented tunnel vision where you’re singularly focused on work, doing something completely different can help you [shift modes],” says Chen. She adds that water can be especially restorative, which is why she often recommends her students make time for a quick shower to reset.

If you don’t have the time (or energy) for a shower, “just splashing your face with cold water can help stimulate and reset your nervous system by activating the vagus nerve,” says Dr. Karakcheyeva, which can bring on a state of calm.

6. Hydrate with a glass of water or tea

It’s easy to get dehydrated throughout the day—particularly if you’re so plugged into your work that you aren’t regularly rehydrating—so, drinking water post-work can serve as a helpful reset. According to registered dietitian Lauren Manaker, MS, RDN, “hydrating can also help you feel more energized,” which is likely just what you need when you’re emerging from a long work slog.

To switch things up and boost the health-supportive powers of your post-work beverage, try infusing your water with fruit or herbs. Registered dietitian Christina Manian, RDN, also likes to unwind with a cup of decaffeinated herbal tea, like antioxidant-rich hibiscus tea.

7. Nourish yourself with a nutrient-rich snack

If the gap between when you’re signing off and when you’re planning to eat dinner is more than an hour or so, it’s worth fueling up with a nutritious, healthful snack after work to jumpstart your evening.

Manaker suggests a snack containing protein, complex carbohydrates, and/or healthy fats, which will provide energy and satiety. In that realm, cottage cheese is a good bet, and she also advises reaching for fruits because their combination of fiber and sugar makes them more sustaining than a processed snack item.

One of Manaker’s favorite fruit-based snacks (that also has a bit of protein) is nut-butter stuffed dates. To make them, simply slice a date in half and stuff it with your favorite nut butter. “It’s energizing and sweet, it has healthy fats, it has fiber, it has carbs, and it has magnesium [which can support your sleep that night],” she says.

8. Do a mindfulness exercise to shake off work stress

A simple mindfulness exercise can help you mentally shift out of work mode by turning your attention to the present moment. Once you wrap up your last work task, try a “check-in meditation,” suggests Kessonga Giscombe, mindfulness and meditation teacher at Headspace. “Pause, and intentionally and deliberately check in with yourself,” he says. Consider how you feel physically, mentally, and emotionally in order to prioritize yourself and your needs after a long day of doing things for your job.

This brief pause can help you “shift into that space of recovery and resetting in an easier way,” adds Giscombe. But you can also try a quick micro-meditation, like a few minutes of resonant breathing (with longer exhales than inhales) or a supportive mantra, to make the mental transition from work-you back to leisure-you.

“Nerves are essentially your parasympathetic nervous system falsely sensing ‘danger’,” says Michael Baraga, MD, FAOA, senior medical director for the Miami Marlins Major League Baseball team. And prepping for any kind of big day can be nerve wracking—especially if your upcoming milestone or life event entails something you’ve never done before, such as performing for an audience, completing a challenging job presentation, getting married in front of loved ones, or running a marathon.

Although I can run many miles and take studio fitness classes like a pro, never have I ever (now, or while growing up in South Florida) played in a baseball or softball league—I was more of a soccer, runner, and tennis girl, but I digress. In short: My ball-throwing experience is limited.

In the weeks leading up to my game-day pitch debut, I reached out to experts for their advice on how to calm your nerves before a big event—along the way, I learned some things first hand too. Here are the tips that can help anyone calm down in the days (and hours) leading up to a major milestone.

How to calm your nerves before a big event

1. Visualize success and do your research

One powerful piece of advice that I’ve heard time and time again is to visualize your future self having success. Christina Ionno, a meditation teacher at Sage + Sound in New York City, explains that this conceptualization is the version of you that has moved past all obstacles and has achieved all of their goals and dreams. (Sounds lovely, right?)

Visualization—like reviewing a race course route, watching footage of other people complete the same task, or looking at video of the venue you’ll be performing in (if, say, you’re giving a big speech)—can be helpful here in order to get a grasp on what’s to come including the setting, the audience, and the space. My first stop was YouTube, which afforded me the ability to watch videos of great first pitch successes (and compilations of those who did not fare so well).

2. Practice, practice, practice

If I wasn’t already nervous, watching the first pitch that 50 Cent gave at CitiField had me reeling with anxiety. So my best advice is to practice until you feel comfortable with the new task at hand—and enroll a friend who is familiar with the task at hand or may be able to refer you to an expert to help you prepare. I, for one, recruited someone close to me who happened to be a former college baseball player. We practiced at a local park once a week.

3. Get a good night’s sleep

It may sound simple, but it’s necessary. Dr. Baraga, who is also an orthopedic surgeon at the University of Miami Sports Medicine Institute, recommends at least seven hours of sleep every night, but especially before major events. When you’re prepping for a big test, work opportunity, or anything that takes effort, the brain needs rest and recovery, too.

A few hours northwest of Miami, in Bradenton, Fla., strength and conditioning coach Brandon Shepherd, CSCS, of Gatorade Sports Science Institute echos that sentiment. “While it is important to be prepared through training or practice leading up to an event, taking adequate time to rest throughout training and before an event is recommended to perform optimally,” he says. “Sleep is one way we can help improve recovery and help us perform at our best.”

With earplugs and an eye mask in tow, the evening before my big day (aka my Major League Baseball debut), I checked into The National Hotel in South Beach, a 20-minute commute from The National Hotel to LoanDepot Park where the Marlins play, to get a restful night of sleep. Although there’s a time and place for pool parties and loud music until 1 a.m., and it’s usually South Beach in Miami, I opted for a hotel that would provide a quiet room without mid-slumber beat drops.

4. Breathe

It sounds simple enough, but sometimes we (I mean me) forget, either by holding breaths for too long or taking in a superficial amount of air. Miami Marlins pitcher Jesus Luzardo says he practices deep breathing to take his heart rate down, in an effort to keep calm. “I pick something in the stadium—whether it’s the flag or the screen in center field — and I’ll just stare at it, and breathe a couple times.”

Vibay Chandran Weisbecker, a corporate meditation teacher for Mindbody and ClassPass, suggests alternate nostril breathing to help focus and calm the mind. This is an exercise anyone can put into practice at any time and any place.

How to: To begin, take a full breath in, then holds your left nostril closed with your right index finger to exhale and inhale through the right nostril. Then release the left nostril and close the right with your right thumb to exhale and inhale from the left nostril.

Weisbecker suggests alternating nostrils 10 times. “You can return to normal breathing after this,” he says.

5. Jump around

Truthfully, I didn’t expect moving in place would help calm my nerves, but Dr. Baraga says movement can help boost endorphins, one of the happy hormones in your body. “Get moving—go for a brief walk, run, or do jumping jacks in place,” he says. If nothing else, it was a helpful distraction before taking the mound. Before my first pitch, I started bouncing from one foot to the other while positioned just outside the foul line that connects third base and home plate.

Remember: No one expects perfection

As I approached the mound with a jog, I had an epiphany. While I’m not trying to be a professional athlete in this lifetime, the stress I was putting on myself, at times, felt like I was trying out for the team. (And perhaps you’re thinking the same thing: That having all eyes on you means this is your one shot to perform like a seasoned professional at their best.) Well, no.

“Take the pressure off yourself,” says Shepherd. “You aren’t a baseball player and your ability to throw a pitch well doesn’t determine your value. And let’s be honest, even if things don’t go as planned, you won’t be the first person to ever throw a bad pitch and you won’t be the last!”

And he was right. Fortunately, my first pitch went smoothly—right into the glove of the team’s mascot Billy the Marlin. I was relieved (both mentally and from my pitching duties) and immediately disqualified myself from first-pitch-fail video montages on YouTube.

Now, as I hang up my figurative jersey, without the looming worry of game day, I can use these tried and true tips for my next big-deal milestone…whatever that may be.

Whatever your situation is, we have a tool to add to your arsenal that we promise is worth it: The mini mental health break.

Research has shown that taking breaks at work can reduce stress and improve cognition. And Jay Shetty, a former monk, author, and chief purpose officer at Calm—which is rated the number one app for sleep, meditation, and relaxation—says you can even get those benefits out of a mini break. He says you only need one to five minutes to lower your cortisol (stress hormone) levels, bring down your heart rate, and calm your mind.

“Even what seems like a very short amount of time can have a big impact on your mind, emotions, and nervous system,” Shetty says. “Our mind is moving faster than our body with worries, anxieties, or other intrusive thoughts that cause stress. So when we take time to be present, even for 60 seconds, to connect the body and breath through meditation or mindful movement, we end up feeling more centered.”

And yes, a midday recess really can be that short. But how can you implement an effective, rejuvenating mini break? Taking those few minutes for yourself does not mean staring at Instagram or hiding in the bathroom (which one in three 18- to 34-year-olds admit to doing, according to Calm). With a short amount of time, you have to be intentional.

First things first: Step away from your to-do list

Before we get to how you spend those mini breaks, it’s important you actually make them happen. And if this seems like a big ask, cut yourself, well, a break.

“While a bit surprising, taking breaks at work is not intuitive!” Shetty says. “If you’re confused or timid about doing so, rest assured that you’re not alone. We haven’t been trained on when to take breaks or how to do them, so most people just skip altogether and take their stress into the next task or meeting.”

Shetty stresses that figuring out when and how to take a break is all about finding what works for you, but he has some tricks up his sleeve. Some tools he recommends:

• Scheduling breaks on your calendar
• Using “reclaimed” time when meetings end early
• “Habit stacking” one- to five-minute breaks along with other things you’re doing anyway. (For example, every time you finish checking your email, stack on that mini break.)

“You can get creative with how to incorporate breaks into your workday and notice which activities most invite relaxation and a mental reset,” Shetty says. “Remember that a short break is better than no break at all.”

Of course, Shetty acknowledges the role that employers play in creating an environment where employees actually can take breaks. When some warehouse workers barely have time to make it to the bathroom and back, putting the mental health onus on the employee is insulting. But hopefully for people in these demanding jobs, making use of the time you do have off with intentionality can help you get through the day with a clearer head.

“Think of taking breaks at work as a reset for the mind, body, and emotional state,” Shetty says. “Doing so can reduce stress, which can make us feel less irritable and boosts our mood so that we feel happier and more focused when we do eventually return to work.”

What to do on your mini mental health break

The clock is ticking on your mini vacay, but don’t let that be an additional source of stress. Having a plan for what to do in those moments will help you make the most of them. Calm has a series of short mini meditations meant to be done at work. But Shetty also recommends following the “three Ws”: Walk, Water, and Window.

Move your body

The first of the “three Ws,” walking is incredibly beneficial for your mental and physical health overall, but can also be a great way to spend a mini break.

“Moving the body, even for a gentle stroll, has so many stress-reducing benefits,” Shetty says. Focusing on the act of walking can help take your mind off stressors, and moving can stimulate blood flow, which delivers more oxygen to the brain and makes you more alert.

Hydrate

The second W stands for water, so head on over to that water cooler.

“Drinking enough water is another important habit to weave into your break-taking,” Shetty says. He points out that drinking five cups of water per day has been shown to lower the risk of anxiety and depression, while drinking less than two cups per day can actually increase your risk. “Keep a glass or water bottle on your desk, and keep refilling to stay hydrated throughout the day.”

Rest your eyes

W number three refers to “window,” which has a double meaning: Both adjusting what you’re actually looking at, and taking a moment to reconnect with nature, or just the outside world.

“Leave the screens behind and find a window to sit by and look out into the distance,” Shetty says. “When looking at the horizon you reduce eye strain and pain which is caused by looking at screens all day. Bonus points if the window is open so that you can enjoy some fresh air.”

Experiment

Again, what you choose to do during your breaks is personal. So whether you’ve got 60 seconds or 60 minutes, be intentional and see what is most rejuvenating for you.

“You can get creative with how to incorporate breaks into your workday and notice which activities most invite relaxation and a mental reset,” Shetty says. “Remember that a short break is better than no break at all.”

Got a little more time to spare? Check out this 10-minute lunch break stretch session that targets your sitting and standing muscles.

Tracy Dalgleish, PhD, a clinical psychologist and relationship expert, explains this can be due to our own internal experiences. For instance, we may desire to know the reason someone was laid off, or we may have experienced something similar, and a loved one’s layoff triggers our own difficult experience. Furthermore, everyone has different ways of handling the news of being laid off, and licensed clinical psychologist Nina Polyné, PsyD says it’s important to respect someone’s emotional process.

Given this, it’s no wonder we may feel stumped as to what to say when someone gets laid off. Still, offering support is very important. Dr. Dalgleish notes that community and connection helps the person know that they are not alone in what they’re dealing with. She adds that signs that someone needs support in dealing with a layoff include increased sadness, flatness, or anger in their disposition.

If they stop engaging in things they usually would or talk in a way that shows they feel hopeless or feel their future is bleak, those can also be signs of struggling. If you spot any of these signs (or even if you don’t because, again, everyone deals with things differently), here’s how to best support someone who just lost their job.

What to say when someone gets laid off and how to support them

1. Ask how they feel

As a starting point, Dr. Polyné recommends asking them how they feel about the layoff. You can say something like: “Thank you for sharing this news with me. How do you feel about it?” She explains this is because they may have feelings that are not normalized after a layoff, such as happiness or relief. In other words, don’t assume you know how they feel.

Instead, Dr. Polyné advises offering a non-judgemental space for them to express whatever emotions are coming up for them. Your job? Be an active listener and validate their experience. For example, you can say: “It’s understandable that you are feeling [surprised/overwhelmed/sad] about the layoff. It sounds like you didn’t see it coming, and I remember you sharing [insert something they might have shared about how they liked their job and/or worked really hard].”

2. Ask what they need

Knowing how someone would like to be supported after a layoff is like trying to read someone’s mind. This is why Dr. Dalgleish says the best thing you can do is ask them what they need. Furthermore, she says they may not know what they need, so offering some options can be helpful. For example, you can ask them if they need space to process independently, words of encouragement, or help problem solving and figuring out the next steps.

3. Consider their love language

If you know how the person receives love (aka their love language), Dr. Dalgleish says that can help find ways to support them. For instance, if someone’s love language is acts of service, delivering them their favorite coffee or a homemade meal would make them feel loved and cared for. Or if words of affirmation are their thing, send them a text to let them know you’re thinking about them. And if you don’t know how they prefer to receive love, Dr. Dalgleish advises asking them.

4. Practice empathy

Throughout your interactions with them, empathy is one of the most important relationship skills to practice. “Empathy requires you to put away your own opinions and judgments and enter into the experience of the other person,” Dr. Dalgleish says. She explains that may sound like saying empathetic statements like “I can imagine how hard this must be for you” or “I’m sorry this happened to you.” If you have trouble thinking of what to say to show empathy, Dr. Dalgleish suggests asking yourself what thoughts and feelings they may be having and what fears are showing up for them to help put yourself in their shoes and better understand what their mental and emotional states.

5. Don’t dismiss, minimize, or invalidate their feelings

What not to say is equally as important as what to say to someone going through something challenging like a layoff. While you may have the best intentions in trying to make them feel better about the whole situation, there are some things that people often say that are not helpful. For example, Dr. Dalgleish notes that saying something like “it’s not that bad” or “at least you received a payout” dismisses and minimizes their feelings. And the same goes for statements that invalidate how they feel like “there are bigger things to be upset about.”

6. Make them feel included

“Layoffs can feel like rejection, so finding little ways to offer inclusion could be helpful when the person is ready to engage socially again,” Dr. Polyné says. For instance, if they shared that one of their needs is a fun distraction, planning an outing together can be supportive. To make them feel even more included when you’re spending time together, Dr. Polyné adds that it can be nice to share with the person why they are special to you and an important part of your community. Remember, the goal is to make them feel included and remind them of the value they have to offer overall, not just at work.

7. Don’t be afraid to bring up the topic

After receiving the initial news of the lay off, the grieving and processing doesn’t end there. It can often take some time to get to the other side of things. During this period, Dr. Dalgleish says people often fear bringing up the layoff again because they don’t want to upset the person who lost their job, but she advises against this. Here’s why: “Please know that asking your loved one about something hard doesn’t mean that you are going to send them spiraling—it’s actually the opposite,” she says. “It allows them to feel less lonely and alone in this time of struggle.”

With that in mind, Dr. Dalgleish recommends saying something like: “I was thinking about what happened with your lay off and I wanted to check in with you. It’s okay if you would rather not talk about it, but I wanted you to know you have been on my mind.”

8. Just be there

If you’re still stumbling on what to say to someone who got laid off, know that just being there is one of the most supportive things you can do. Some people have a tendency to give the person who is struggling some distance to process the painful experience or lean away in fear of “bothering them,” Dr. Dalgleish says. While some people may need that space, she emphasizes that others may need to know they are thought of and cared for during this difficult time.

In theory, an applicant now knows the upper and lower limits from the get-go, and they’re arriving at the offer with the same information as HR. In practice, though, things are a bit more complex. Pay transparency does remove some of the stress of negotiating from a prospective hire because, after all, the top amount is set—assuming the range published is the truth, which isn’t always the case (more on that below). It’s also likely that an employer will “bargain more aggressively with prospective employees because being more generous with one person at any level would require them to be more generous with everyone at that level,” says economist Zoe Cullen, PhD, an assistant professor at Harvard Business School who studies the design of labor markets. “As a result, salary transparency can help equalize wages.”

But salary ranges are just that: ranges (and often, wide ones). Some people will wind up near the top of that range, and others will end up near the bottom—and learning how to negotiate your salary when the range is posted can make the difference in where you might fall.

“A woman might say, ‘I think, based on my experience, I should come in at the 50 percent mark,’ whereas a man is more likely to ask for the top of the range.” —Julia Pollak, chief economist, ZipRecruiter

Due to the “gender ask gap,” which refers to the tendency of men to ask for more money for a role in salary negotiations than equally qualified women, it’s likely that the gender pay gap will still exist for roles with transparent salary ranges—just to a lesser magnitude, says Julia Pollak, chief economist at employment marketplace ZipRecruiter. “You can still see that ‘ask gap’ where a woman might say, ‘I think, based on my skills and experience, I should come in around the 50 percent mark of this public salary range,’ whereas a man is more likely to ask for the top of the range, and again, to get what he asks for.”

The potential for remaining salary inequity—even amid transparency—is certainly reason alone to consider how to negotiate your salary when the range is posted. As is the fact that a transparent salary doesn’t mean a fully transparent compensation package, which typically also includes things like paid time off, parental leave, workplace flexibility, bonuses, and stock options.

In fact, there’s evidence that as the salary playing field evens out, personal requests for non-salary benefits go up—and hiring managers are inclined to grant those requests. “Putting salary under the spotlight just motivates those who are in charge of compensation to shift their allocations to an area that’s not under the spotlight,” says Peter Bamberger, PhD, professor at Tel Aviv University’s Coller School of Management and editor-in-chief of the Academy of Management Discoveries. “So, just reporting salaries is pretty limited in terms of actually ensuring equity.” Again, all the more reason to consider how you might still negotiate your salary to ensure you’re getting what you’re worth, even when the range is publicly posted.

Why you should still negotiate your salary when the range is posted, no matter where the offer falls

If your offer isn’t at the top of the salary band, you can use your knowledge of wiggle room to your advantage

Salary transparency removes the “information asymmetry” that’s long kept job candidates in the dark about what they could even ask for or expect, says Pollak. “Because of occupational segregation by gender and race, women and people of color have historically been even less informed than white men about the going rate for certain high-paying jobs,” she adds, leading them to ask for too little without even realizing it.

Though a public salary range limits the scope of a potential negotiation, it also gives you valuable ammunition if your offer comes in below the upper limit. You know, for a fact, that the company was willing to offer more than they’re offering you—so, why not ask for it? “What many employers are telling us is that recruiters who really want to fill roles in a tight labor market have an incentive to offer the candidate the top of a posted range if they ask for it,” says Pollak.

If you’re accepting a salary at the lower end or middle of the range without negotiating, you’re almost definitely leaving money on the table. After all, a company wouldn’t publicize a top number that they weren’t willing to honor, or that was higher than what they’re paying current employees in the role, “as this would force them to reconsider what they’re paying those workers,” says Dr. Cullen. And that’s a can of worms they’re unlikely to open.

If your offer is at the top of the band, you may still be able to negotiate less-transparent perks

Just like any job listing, jobs with transparent salary ranges typically still do not list all the potential opportunities for non-salary rewards.

As noted above, the secrecy of these extras, often called “non-observable compensation”—things like sign-on bonus, retention bonus, extra paid time off, 401(k) match, executive compensation—certainly poses an equity issue. “The burden shouldn’t be on the employee, who is already at a deficit, to know to ask about these unsaid or unwritten pieces,” says career expert Errol L. Pierre, author of The Way Up: Climbing the Corporate Mountain as a Professional of Color. But so long as that’s the reality, “pulling these additional levers” is an important part of negotiating an offer when the salary is at the cap of the public range, says Pierre.

It’s even more important to consider and negotiate these elements of compensation when salary is transparent because employers often have more flexibility to adjust these levers than to go beyond the limit of a publicized salary range.

“If candidates applying for a role start asking for more money than the range stipulates, what the employer should do is re-scope the role, go through the process internally of weighing the budget implications of that, and then post the new role with a new, higher pay band,” says Pollak. “But what happens in practice is they just offer non-observable compensation, like stock options or bonuses, to a preferable candidate who asks for a higher salary than they can provide.”

How to negotiate the best possible offer when the salary range is posted

1. Do some research to figure out if the published range is, well, really the range

The tricky thing about salary transparency is that, in plenty of places, companies are voluntarily sharing information with no real obligation to stick to it. Even in states and localities that have passed salary-transparency laws, it isn’t always clear whether companies can be easily penalized for giving offers outside of posted ranges.

For example, consider the language in New York City’s law, which asks companies to provide a “good faith” pay range, says Pierre. “It isn’t exactly clear how you’d define that.” For companies that operate in multiple localities or states, it’s also not clear whether they’d be required to publicize different ranges relevant for candidates in each place, Pierre adds. “Often, the ranges are directional, and you shouldn’t think that you’re capped out at the top.”

Dr. Bamberger suggests that anyone looking to negotiate an offer—especially women and people of color—should not rely solely on publicized ranges for these reasons. Instead, he says to check out websites like Glassdoor and Payscale to get a fuller picture of what the range for a given role looks like.

“Depending on your individual uniqueness, you may have the ability to position yourself differently than others coming into that same role.” —Peter Bamberger, PhD, professor of management, Tel Aviv University

“Some organizations may be more flexible when it comes to certain roles, and depending on your individual uniqueness and bargaining power, you may have the ability to position yourself differently than others coming into that same role,” says Dr. Bamberger. “In other words, you might be able to argue that the role you’re being hired for is not necessarily the role specified in the posting, and that it’s something between that position and another one with a higher range.” Depending on your creative framing, it may be possible to push your offer above the stated cap.

2. Ask for the top of the range, and justify with your experience

A published range is an informational gift: The company is telling you straight-up what they’re willing to offer, so there’s no reason not to take them at their word and ask for a salary at the upper limit, according to Pollak. Chances are, that top number is still a conservative—and very feasible—number for them to hit.

“You can directly call out your strengths and experience to bolster the ask, so that it’s clear why you think you deserve that highest number,” says Pollak. If, for any reason, the employer can’t match their own top number, you then leave it to them to say, “Hey, for budgetary reasons or for pay-equity reasons, we’re willing to bring you in at this amount, but we can compensate you additionally by giving you this signing bonus or this relocation bonus,” or whatever extra item they might be able to offer, she adds.

3. Don’t forget about those non-transparent perks

Speaking of extras, it’s important to consider how else your prospective future employer could make your life easier when you’re in the negotiating position of being a candidate they’re eager to hire (in a tight labor market, no less). Asking about other compensation demonstrates both that you know your worth and that you respect the company’s stated salary offer.

The important thing is to pad the ask with positivity and make it clear how ready you are to join the company if your request is granted, says Pollak. “You might say, ‘I really love this role, but there’s just one problem: I’ll have to move from this city to that city, which will increase my cost of living. I’ll accept your offer if you can add in this relocation bonus.’ Or, ‘I am really excited about working at this company, but I have a child and will have to pay for childcare during these hours unless I can come into the office at 10 a.m., instead of 9 a.m., after dropping them off at school. If we can agree on that, I’ll gladly accept right away.’”

Clarifying exactly what extra perk or accommodation would make you happy offers the employer a sure route to an accepted offer and a role filled—which is ultimately what you both want.

As an executive coach, I talk to lots of people about their careers. I want to demystify the notion that anyone knows exactly what they’re doing. “How do I want to spend my time, at work and in life?” is an ever-evolving question without clear right or wrong answers. (Sorry.)

But there are common pitfalls I see that plague many people who feel stuck—and ways to avoid such detours. I hope you can learn from them, so that the next time you feel stuck by the prospect of navigating your career you have a metaphorical flight map to help you land the plane.

4 common career rut mistakes and how to solve each

1. You’re overwhelmed by options, interests, and ideas

The solution: Add constraints

The hardest part of making a career decision is often knowing where to start. You have LOTS of interests, passions, experiences, and transferable skills—one day you’re excited about pursuing your photography passion, while the next you’re researching grad programs or putting together the case for promotion in your current corporate role. It all sounds so interesting!

When the open-ended nature of your career options gets overwhelming, it may be time to stop thinking about the (unlimited!) possibilities themselves and start creating constraints. A constraint is a guardrail that impacts the option-set in front of you. For example: working hours, location, salary, benefits, travel, commute time…anything that has the ability to immediately limits your choices.

Your constraints could look like: “Whatever I do next has to at least match my current salary, and offer a commute of no more than 30 minutes round-trip per day” or “I want to be traveling or working outside my home at least three days every week, and I need healthcare through my job.” Once you have constraints in place, you can begin to screen and narrow down your options, crossing things off your list to feel more focused and clear.

2. You don’t know if it makes sense to stay in your current role

The solution: Reframe, renovate, or reinvent

In any challenging situation in life, you have three options:

1. Reframe. Reframing is all about accepting your current reality by changing your mindset and approach to it. Are you in a boring job? Reframe: You actually appreciate that your boring job affords you the ability to work stress-free and then shut off at the end of the day to focus on your life outside of work. Working for a challenging boss? Reframe: You’re learning a ton about how to manage up. Sometimes all you need is a reframe to shift your perspective and feel good about where you are.
2. Renovate. When reframing isn’t enough, it may be time to make real changes to the current situation. Renovating means taking steps to change your current situation to make it better. Let’s take the boring job example. Perhaps it’s time to renovate by suggesting taking on a new project, or shifting your scope. When it comes to the challenging boss, you may need to initiate a feedback conversation about your working styles, consider finding sponsorship elsewhere in your organization, or even suggest an org change to report to a new manager.
3. Reinvent. Sometimes renovation—making changes within the current reality—isn’t enough, and you have to totally blow up the status quo and reinvent. Quit your job. Break up with the person. Move cities. Go back to school. Start that business.

Each “R” in the “reframe, renovate, reinvent” framework is progressively more extreme, so I often encourage clients to go down the list and start by reframing. If that’s not offering satisfaction, what would it look like to renovate? If that doesn’t work, it may be time to explore reinvention.

3. You’re intimidated by the idea of closing doors or shutting down options

The solution: Outline multiple paths

Particularly for (but not limited to!) folks who are earlier in their career, making professional decisions can cause anxiety because it means closing doors. Going to law school implies shutting down your dream of opening a pottery studio. Taking a job in supply chain means closing the door on your passion for elementary education.

This narrowing effect can feel so paralyzing that you’re frozen, and don’t know where to begin. But who says you need to define a single path? I encourage clients to outline three different paths that are all unique and satisfying in their own way. Once you’ve done that, look behind each door! Are there patterns or themes across your different paths? If so, what can you learn from that? What’s motivating about each option, and are there ways to incorporate those things into whatever it is you end up doing? Does one path necessarily preclude you from pursuing another? Your career can feel more like a climbing wall than a ladder, and you can learn a lot by exploring multiple paths before shutting anything down.

4. You’re constantly dissatisfied with your career

The solution: Time-box your angst

Betty Friedan wrote that “housework seemed to expand to fill the time available,” and I think the same can be said for career angst. There’s always something to feel anxious about. (“Am I in the right field?” “When should I get promoted?” “How’s my work/life balance?” “When I look back on my career will I be proud of my legacy?”) These concerns are valid, but can distract from your quality of life (not to mention your ability to focus and do a good job every day).

So when clients express an unending dissatisfaction with their career, I ask: “How often over the course of a year do you want to actively analyze your career?” Most people say somewhere between every three to 12 months. Great! Let’s add that reflection time to the calendar as a forcing function to ask the big, critical, existential questions. And then for the rest of the year you free yourself to let go of the angst and just focus on enjoying life and doing a good job.

Whether you’re someone who’s perpetually anxious about your career, overwhelmed by your option-set, scared of closing doors, or not sure how dramatically you want to shift, you’re not alone. There are common pitfalls we all face over the course of our careers, but there are also tools to help, and this is a good place to start.

The different facets of your sun sign (aka the zodiac sign you’d read a horoscope for) color how you live your life in all realms, including at work. More specifically, your sign’s element (Earth, air, water, or fire) speaks to your general temperament, while your sign’s modality (cardinal, mutable, or fixed) reflects how you initiate and respond to action.

“Your sun sign is about your core essence and identity, so when you show up to work, there’s always that essence of those core traits [in play].” —Celeste Brooks, astrologer

Put in a work context, these qualities can shape your approach to projects and tasks, as well as workplace communication. “Your sun sign is about your core essence and identity, so when you show up to work, there’s always that essence of those core traits [in play],” says astrologer Celeste Brooks. As a result, the ideal work meeting style of a zodiac sign like Cancer—which is an emotions-driven water sign—might be something intimate and cozy, whereas that of fiery Sagittarius might be more dynamic, active, or performative.

While focusing on your sun sign’s characteristics is certainly a good guide to the kind of work meeting style you’ll gel with the most, Brooks also suggests considering your rising sign, which reflects how others perceive you. (To determine your rising sign, type your place, date, and time of birth into an online birth-chart generator.)

Read on for both your sun and rising signs to get a full picture of your preferred work meeting style(s), and pick up star-sanctioned tips for how to thrive in any meeting.

Your ideal work meeting style, based on your zodiac sign

Aries

You don’t like wasting time, Aries. Your fiery, initiatory cardinal-sign energy means you’d rather get right down to business than mess around with small talk—so, your ideal meeting is short and to the point. “It’s like, ‘Let’s just get in and get it done,’” says astrologer Stephanie Gailing, author of The Complete Guide to Living By the Moon. Just be careful that your fervor for efficiency doesn’t come across as impatient or abrasive, she adds.

Taurus

As a grounded Earth sign, you’re generally methodical and thorough at work, Taurus. As a result, you can appreciate a meeting that involves examining long-term strategies and making multi-step plans that’ll help you achieve those goals, according to Brooks. At the same time, your Earthy demeanor means you may do your best work outside. In turn, your ideal meeting location is a park, garden, or courtyard, so you can let nature inspire and calm you, says Gailing.

Gemini

As the zodiac’s resident social chair, your ideal work meeting likely involves chitchat and ice-breakers, Gemini. (Work happy hour, anyone?) This can help you foster strong bonds with your coworkers—but just make sure your own contributions don’t go on too long, so that others don’t feel like their time is being wasted. Stay the course, and watch out for tangents. “’Shiny object syndrome’ can be your downfall,” says Brooks, of your tendency to get easily distracted.

Cancer

You’re all about nurturing and comforting, Cancer, and whenever possible, you like that vibe to extend to work meetings. Your ideal work meeting style is one where you feel safe and welcome to share your ideas and thoughts; just credit your status as a water sign for making you so in tune with your emotions. “Smaller groups can feel more cozy for you,” says Gailing. Physical comfort is key for you, too, so a meeting you can take from your own comfortable couch or a nice seat in an office will likely be preferable over one in a sterile conference room.

Leo

You’re the zodiac’s performer, Leo, so your ideal work-meeting setting is something “dynamic and fun that allows you to shine,” says Brooks. You draw inspiration from your environment, so having a meeting in an engaging and exciting locale, like a bustling restaurant or coffee shop, can really bring out your creativity and confidence.

Virgo

Precise and detail-oriented, you’ll gel the most with a meeting where all the details are hammered out, Virgo. Efficiency is your preferred mode of action, so you can appreciate it when everyone arrives to a meeting prepared, and things stay on track, says Brooks. Above all, you want the chance “to bring order to chaos” in meetings and at work, in general, she adds.

Libra

Your status as an air sign means you crave stimulating conversation, Libra. So, any work meeting that places a premium on thoughtful dialogue will likely work well for you. As the sign of the scales, you also strive for balance, says Gailing, so meetings that feel more like debates—where all sides and opinions on an issue are considered and dissected—are likely preferable to you. (Anything that feels rushed or breezed-over, on the other hand, could leave you feeling uneasy.)

Scorpio

If you work from home, you likely prefer camera-off (or camera-optional) meetings, Scorpio. You value your privacy and like to maintain a clear separation between your work and your personal life. (Sometimes, however, this might come across as overly secretive, says Brooks, who advises letting people in a little bit, every once in a while.)

Regardless of your work locale, you also live to solve a mystery, so high-level strategy meetings that involve maneuvering around problems likely thrill you. “You want to dig, and explore, and find the secrets that are undercover,” says Gailing. “You want to be there for the meeting where something is going to get discovered and uprooted.”

Sagittarius

As the biggest traveler of the zodiac, you crave adventure and interest in all realms of your life, Sagittarius. And that certainly includes work. In turn, you may really enjoy any meeting that gets you out of the office and doing something new—think: a company retreat or other bonding activity, like a company game of kickball.

In general, a meeting that involves outdoor time, movement, and a chance to tell a story is your ideal, as well as anything that allows you to show off your competitive spirit, says Brooks: “You love a challenge.”

Capricorn

Any meeting setup that allows you to show off how hard you work would be your ideal, Capricorn. As the workhorse of the cosmos, you put in the hours and effort to achieve, so having a chance to put your best foot forward and to be recognized for it is the ultimate satisfaction. “You’ll probably feel even happier if someone in a position of power is there to watch you flex your skills, too,” says Gailing.

For lower-stakes meetings, your preferred mode is quick and to the point. In all likelihood, you’ve prepared ahead of time, so you’ll hit all the points on the agenda in no time.

Aquarius

As a community-oriented sign, you likely prefer a work meeting that’s egalitarian and casual, Aquarius. Picture a free-flowing brainstorming session where everyone is easily able to contribute their unique perspective. You’re deeply curious about what everyone else has to say, and you want the time to synthesize all this information into a future-facing plan, says Gailing.

Pisces

Chances are, you bring your creativity and originality to work with you, Pisces. So, a meeting that involves ideating on a blank canvas—whether that’s a literal whiteboard or just an open-ended discussion topic—is your ideal. You want the space to let out all your thoughts and feelings, and then to consider how to turn loose doodles and quips into fully formed plans.

You may also prefer meetings that involve plenty of visuals, engaging graphics, or activities. “Using words alone may not speak to your heart, imagination, and sense of poetry,” says Gailing.

The state alleged that Nelson promised to deliver personalized fitness plans with individual coaching to customers, and then failed to deliver. Instead, she created and disseminated generic plans and only gave unsubstantial advice like “you’ve got this babe!” She also did things like charge a shipping fee when she wasn’t actually shipping anything—she delivered the plans via email—and only gave people a portion of their money back when they said they didn’t get what they paid for. Nelson also described herself as an “eating disorder soldier,” which customers said made them believe she had expertise in working with people with eating disorders—to whom she then dispensed harmful advice.

The state sued for up to $1 million in damages.

“To me, the claims are very straightforward,” says attorney Alexandra Roberts, a professor of law and media at Northeastern University, who has published on the law and influencer marketing. “Simply the fact that she explicitly offered and accepted money from thousands of people for specific goods or services and then she did not deliver on those, and she did not give people full refunds when they complained, I just don’t see any possible defense to that.”

The trial was set to go down in March 2023, and then got bumped to mid-May. But just before it was supposed to begin, the state of Texas and Nelson settled, which likely means that Nelson is liable for an undisclosed amount of money.

So what are we to make of this? Can followers (and customers) trust that they have recourse when a person’s “influence” doesn’t pan out? Is there finally a sheriff in town, or are Instagram, TikTok, and YouTube still a retail and advertising wild west?

“It might have been nice to have a case that was a slam dunk case where she gets just absolutely massive amount of penalties and damages,” Roberts says. “And maybe that scares people more than hearing about a case that quietly settled, because we might not know the terms of the settlement. But I think and hope that other fitfluencers would pay attention.”

Here are the three biggest takeaways from the settlement of this fitfluencer lawsuit.

1. Regulators are watching influencers—to an extent

The very fact that the state of Texas took Nelson to court should be a signal that influencers making claims and selling products do not have free rein on social media. Sometimes, they have to face the music, so influencers should familiarize themselves with the laws around advertising and business practices, at the very least. Roberts doesn’t think the fact that this case settled changes that, since it likely means that Nelson is liable for some amount of money.

However, there are only so many attorneys general and FTC employees out there, so consumers can’t necessarily count on the government’s protection.

“Hopefully, it’s going to nudge influencers and the companies that use influencer marketing to pay attention and to fall in line,” Roberts says. “From the other point of view as a consumer, I hope that people hearing about this think ‘Oh, I should really use more caution. There’s nobody looking out for me when it comes to every influencer, every kind of person who posts a lot of social media who seems like they have something cool to offer. I have to be a skeptic before I send somebody my money. Because it’s entirely possible I’ll never get the thing that I was trying to get, or what I get will be radically different and disappointing. And there won’t be that much I can do about it.’”

2. Social media can be the problem, and the solution

The thing that got Texas AGs to pay attention was mass complaints by consumers. How did those complaints come about? All thanks to Facebook. Nelson’s customers created a Facebook community to discuss “business complaints” in 2018. She issued an apology video in 2019, and that’s when she stopped fitfluencing and shifted her brand to Christianity. But all those complaints and the ensuing scandal actually caused regulators to perk up.

Bottom line: If you feel you’ve been scammed on social media, other people probably have been too. So you can use social media to find those people and elevate the issue.

3. Don’t overpromise. And at the very least, right your wrongs

Roberts thinks it’s likely that Nelson may have “painted herself into a corner.” Perhaps she offered plans and then either was unable to fulfill them, or really actually didn’t want to do that. When that happens, Roberts emphasizes that if you course correct—meaning, actually give people their money back, don’t just issue an apology video and pivot to influencing in a sphere where a main tenet is “forgiveness”—you can probably hedge off legal troubles.

“For other fitfluencers who are paying attention, the lessons learned should include not making deceptive claims to induce subscriptions or payment of fees, but also taking ownership of mistakes that you make much sooner,” Roberts says.

But before you get to all that, do not overpromise. Because that’s where you really get in trouble. If you’re creating fitness content online, what is it that you really want to do? Do you want to keep making videos? Do you want to start including products? Do you want to start selling your own plans? If you’re promising to create “custom workout plans” and “personalized feedback”—like so many programs these days—this settlement shows that not delivering, or passing off generic content as personalization, could have serious consequences.

It can be seductive to try to monetize a following of people that hey, seem to really like you! But if Brittany Dawn Nelson is any example, proceed with caution, and an understanding that you are beholden to the law, and to treating those followers right.

“If it isn’t a ‘hell yes,’ it’s a ‘hell no’,” Welteroth tells me of how she evaluates opportunities to ensure they align with her own goals. The advice doubles as a straightforward counsel for designing a life you want.

Well, until it doesn’t. Life has a way of throwing curveballs, rendering the binary yes-no framework for making objective decisions tricky. Case in point: Last year, Welteroth took on another new role: becoming a mom. Unlike her previous endeavors, though, she says this one wasn’t in the plan. “When you build your life with such intention, you think you’re in control of everything with your yeses and nos, but sometimes life surprises you. Motherhood was something I did not say ‘hell yes’ to, and that was disorienting to me,” says Welteroth. “I did not call this in, so I had to navigate through the murkiness.”

Ultimately, though, motherhood—despite not being a “hell yes” she agreed to ahead of time—has led Welteroth to an even sharper sense of the power of no. “That’s what motherhood is—tapping into your instincts about what’s right and feels good, and what serves you and your family,” she says.

“We’re all building our lives, and a lot of us don’t recognize the agency that we have.” —Elaine Welteroth

Now, one “hell yes” for Welteroth is empowering new parents to make choices that are most supportive to them and their families. That includes spreading awareness of all the complexities of motherhood on her Instagram Live interview series “MaterniTea” and teaming up with Pure Leaf to provide moms financial grants that’ll help them support themselves and their families as they exercise the power of saying no.

“We’re all building our lives, and a lot of us don’t recognize the agency that we have,” she says when we recently discussed what boundaries look like for her now, along with her advice for new parents. “The only way to build a life that is actually fulfilling is to recognize that the way you do one thing is the way you do everything.”

Well+Good: Have you always felt like it’s really important to be able to say no?

Elaine Welteroth: When I was a scrappy journalist-in-training trying to prove myself in my career and other areas in my life, I had a very different model [to saying no], which was “bite off more than you can chew, and chew as fast as you can.” I eventually recognized that what gets you to your dream will not sustain you in your dream whether that’s a dream job, motherhood, marriage, or whatever your definition of success is—you have to find new tools.

In my post-Teen Vogue, entrepreneur era, where everything suddenly was on my own terms, it became really important to have a guiding principle for how I would navigate decision-making. I couldn’t just bite off everything and chew everything…I didn’t make it to the promised land of my dream job [at Teen Vogue] only to quit and create a job that I hate. So, I had to be mindful that every “yes” I gave was a “hell yes” from a place of enthusiasm.

“So many times when I have said no, the yes on the other side of that served me in ways I couldn’t have been served by a half-hearted yes.” —Welteroth

If I couldn’t get to that place, then I needed to have the faith, confidence, and courage to say no. It’s always scary to say no, especially when you’re getting used to it, but it’s a practice in a mindset and lifestyle of abundance. So many times when I have said no, the yes on the other side of that served me in ways I couldn’t have been served by a half-hearted yes.

W+G: I’m not yet a mom, but something you’ve said in the past that I carry with me is the need to advocate for yourself. It sounds like this becomes even more important in motherhood because you can’t pour from an empty cup, and now other people need your cup to be full. How have your family and your partner helped you fill your cup in ways that allow you the space to actually say no?

EW: I could not do what I do if I did not have the support of a true 50/50 partnership. We don’t play into the gender roles in the sense of that’s a mom’s job and that’s a dad’s job—we play to our strengths. In some ways, I think we’ve traded gender roles, and in other ways we’ve abandoned those completely. I want that for more families.

Normalizing “no” is an important cultural shift that we all need, no matter what generation of motherhood you sit in. It’s not a mom’s job to [compromise] herself for the sake of her family’s wellness. A whole mom shows up for her family in a healthier way than a mom who has lost herself within her family.

[But], systemic factors perpetuate the overwhelm and imbalance that a lot of [women-identifying folks] carry in their family dynamics. For example, in some cases, women are both the breadwinner and the primary caregiver, without the support of adequate time off for maternity leave and support for childcare. We know that the odds are stacked against moms in this country in so many ways.

W+G: You’ve referenced how becoming a mom has changed how you interact with the power of no in some ways. What does a “hell yes” look like to you in this new season of your life? Is there anything in particular you’re really excited about?

EW: Becoming a mom has allowed me to drop into my body, and the wisdom that is literally embedded in my body. I’ve lived my life through my head and by being very headstrong, but becoming a mom required me to rely on my body in ways I’ve never had to before. So I’ve built this stronger relationship with my body that helps me navigate [choices]. That’s been a beautiful tool in work and life; it’s an unintended side effect of motherhood that’s been really great.

My body forced me to slow down during my pregnancy, and that was scary for me because I’m so used to running in the fast lane. Pregnancy forced a stillness that was so challenging for me to accept, but I had to surrender to it. Now that I’m back in the swing of things, I’ve shot three TV shows since my son was born. I shot a commercial for Audi, and I launched an advice column for The Washington Post, which is this Carrie Bradshaw dream that I never knew I could live out. I’ve found work that is even more fulfilling, and it really started with this scary sacrifice of saying no throughout my pregnancy to plant seeds for these richer opportunities.

W+G: Has your approach to mentoring changed in any way since becoming a mom? Has the tenor of your advice you give changed?

EW: When people ask questions about life and career navigation, I approach it with a more nurturing spirit. [Motherhood] has been such a defining part of my life, and everything is through the lens of motherhood for me now. It’s changed me in the sense that my perspective is now informed by being a mom, and it’s only enriched my work as a result.

I find myself saying “grace is the goal now” more and more, and I hope I can share that with people through all the different platforms and mediums where I show up. I’m still a straight shooter, but there’s a sweetness and softness and tenderness that I didn’t have as much before.

W+G: Saying no can be difficult, and it often requires a lot of support. What would you say to someone who is on the precipice of making a big life change and may be holding back or be at risk of self-sabotage?

EW: When you’re paralyzed by fear, it’s so easy to make decisions based on the worst-case scenario. The what-ifs can be so dizzying when you’re at the precipice of a new chapter. It’s important to reframe any decision that makes you feel stopped by fear and ask yourself about the best-case scenario and the best-possible outcome.

Envisioning and embodying what that would look and feel like, and living in that as much as you can, is a superpower that can help make decisions that aren’t based on fear.

This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity. 

The one place where I don’t struggle to concentrate? On that device. Naturally, some of the apps I use on my phone serve an essential purpose—like the email app and even Instagram, when I’m using it to conduct visual research for my studies as a garden design student. But what is certainly not essential is the hour after hour wasted on scrolling when I could be doing my coursework, going to bed, or speaking to friends and family in real life.

After a lengthy smartphone scroll, I feel wired, and if I spent that time on social media, it’s accompanied by a vague sense of dissatisfaction.

After a lengthy smartphone scroll, I feel wired, and if I spent that time on social media, it’s often accompanied by a vague sense of dissatisfaction. Am I less successful, less happy than everyone else? Or is my pocket supercomputer warping my self-esteem? Something needs to change. Thankfully, where there is a problem of mindlessness, these days, there is a mindfulness-based solution.

Digital wellness, also known as digital well-being, is a term first coined in 2012 by a Google product manager who had become disillusioned with the addictive, distractive qualities of tech. Not long after, “digital well-being” was announced at Google’s 2018 I/O event as the name for a suite of new features designed to help you track and minimize certain kinds of screen time.

Google now frames the concept of digital well-being as having a “balance with technology that feels right for you.” But what does that actually mean in practice? In the past few years, an industry of digital-wellness experts has sprung up to define just that and spare us from the deleterious effects of tech as a necessary evil.

How mindless scrolling and smartphone use can compromise mental health

Some science backs up the connection I’ve noticed between my own smartphone use and my diminished attention span. But that’s just the tip of the iceberg for research linking smartphone use with poor mental-health outcomes.

One study found excessive smartphone use to be a significant predictor of depression in emerging young adults. Another found phone addiction to be associated with depressive mood, particularly among those who phub (aka snub a friend or partner by prioritizing phone use). Online gambling has been shown to be more addictive than slot machines, and internet porn addiction has been found to neurologically mirror drug addiction.

Certainly, social media, in particular, also has its own set of ills. Regular use of social-media platforms has been connected to depression and loneliness, as well as poor mood and low self-esteem, largely caused by its function as a “comparison trap,” says Isa Watson, author of Life Beyond Likes: Logging Off Your Screen and Into Your Life.

“Feeling bad about ourselves comes from our habit of comparing our whole, messy life to the perfected [highlight] reels we see from others.” —Isa Watson, founder and CEO, Squad

“It’s a perfection echo chamber—the place where we constantly consume people’s curated highlight reels: the happy marriage, job promotion, and fabulous vacation posts; and never the divorces, demotions, or money struggles,” says Watson, who founded her own social-media platform, Squad, in 2019, to help friends connect away from mainstream social media. “Feeling bad about ourselves comes from our habit of comparing our whole, messy life to the perfected [highlight] reels we see from others. It’s the most unfair comparison, and it puts a damper on our joy.”

So, why can’t we stop reaching for our phones, anyway? And why can’t we put the damned things down? That answer comes down to our brain chemistry, according to Carl D. Marci, MD, psychiatrist at Massachusetts General Hospital and author of Rewired: Protecting Your Brain in the Digital Age.

“There are many unhealthy behaviors and habits related to our smartphone apps, including using media as a mood regulator, media multitasking, dividing our attention, and the overall displacement of face-to-face social interactions,” says Dr. Marci. “Over time, our brain’s reward-system response strengthens with each short-term dopamine hit, while our prefrontal cortex weakens, [reducing our ability] to regulate our emotions and control our behaviors.”

How practicing digital wellness can foster a healthier relationship with tech

I’m starting to think I should throw my phone out of the window. But it’s hard to imagine the rest of the world joining me in a return to telegrams, handwritten letters, and landline telephones. I wouldn’t be able to pay my bills and organize my kids’ childcare. And I wouldn’t be able to organize any real-life meetups, as all of my friends are on WhatsApp. So, is a balance possible?

Amy Blankson, co-founder and CEO of the Digital Wellness Institute, believes so. Her company helps organizations and individuals reach a state of “digital flourishing,” or a point at which you’re both healthy and happy, while still using digital tools to optimize your work and life. According to Blankson’s research, which she shares in her book, The Future of Happiness: 5 Modern Strategies for Balancing Productivity and Well-being in the Digital Era, the real problem with our tech use isn’t necessarily the tech itself, but how we’re engaging with it.

“What mattered [in my research] was how people interacted,” says Blankson. “Interacting solely with people you do not know in real life—termed as ‘weak ties’—has a completely different impact than interacting with people you already know in real life (‘strong ties’) on those platforms.” This means that, for example, sharing a photo of a day out with a real-life friend on social media, and then having other friends comment on the photo, has far more value for your mental well-being than seeking likes or comments from random strangers, or scrolling aimlessly.

And that makes sense. Authentic connection with actual friends is vital, and it’s tough to stay in touch or meet up these days without a smartphone. So, how can I manage my relationship with my smartphone, without giving it up altogether? That’s where practicing digital wellness comes into play.

“Ask yourself: What’s the opportunity cost of not being aware of what you’re doing and endlessly scrolling?” —Amy Blankson, co-founder and CEO, Digital Wellness Institute

Blankson recommends working out your goals, and then setting boundaries to make sure those goals match up with your digital usage. “Ask yourself: What’s the opportunity cost of not being aware of what you’re doing and endlessly scrolling?” she says. Becoming aware of the detriments of mindless phone use can illuminate how you need to set boundaries—which can help you both reduce phone use and be more intentional with how you do use your phone.

That’s precisely what happened for the employees at ATB Financial, in Alberta, Canada, who recently underwent a pilot research program with the Digital Wellness Institute. ATB wanted to reduce screen time among its staff, knowing that, on average, they were spending 10 hours per day online doing work tasks, even though they were only contracted for 7.25.

After participating in six weeks of e-learning courses—on topics like the right to disconnect, setting tech boundaries, and aligning tech use with personal and professional goals—ATB employees reported an average 1.5-hour reduction in screen time per day and a healthier tech-life balance. The number of employees who said they felt “always on” dropped by 56 percent, and the number who felt pressure to “drop what they were doing” and respond to work communications outside of work hours decreased by 43 percent.

Naturally, the fact that their superiors were in on the program likely made it easier for these employees to embrace digital wellness techniques, like boundaries, at work. But for the rest of us, whose companies (or social circles) may not have a “permission culture” of disconnecting, it’s essential to not only set boundaries but to broadly share them, says Blankson. “So, if I’m trying to not take my phone to the dinner table, I need to communicate that with [family and friends].”

Other smart ways to set tech boundaries? Keep your phone out of sight—and therefore out of mind—while interacting with friends and family, and define specific limits on screen time or social-media use per day, suggests Dr. Marci.

In particular, Watson recommends breaking from social media one hour after waking up and one hour before bed in order to start and end the day more grounded. These are also periods of time where mindless scrolling is common—but “brings us no real positive value,” she says. Fully cutting out tech use during those times can reduce the temptation, as can being intentional about investing time into your own joy and your relationships and friendships, she adds. “This helps re-center us in our own lives so that mindless scrolling becomes an afterthought.”

What happened when I tried practicing digital wellness in my own life

Armed with the above advice, I vowed to give digital wellness a try by restricting my access to social-media apps for two weeks. To start, I forked out $65 for an annual subscription to an app called Blocksite. It allowed me to identify the apps on which I was really wasting my time (which were Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram), and set a period of time or a recurring period during which I’d be blocked from using them. I decided to start with a total block for a day to see what difference it made—and the impact was immediate.

Every time I tried to log in, I got a disapproving message instead. Often, in moments of chaos, like when I’m in the midst of preparing dinner and trying to multitask with emails or paying bills, I will reach for my phone as a form of escape. At other times, if I’m feeling bored or tired, I’ll get that urge to swipe through my phone and stare at what is effectively nothing. But once I took social media off the table and became unable to escape or zone out, I started to tackle my to-do list, and in the evening, I picked up a book to read for the first time in months.

Unfortunately, being completely excluded from social media did become a problem for my studies. As a garden design student, Instagram is a fantastic research tool, and I found myself logging in through my computer a few times during the block-out period in order to seek out some plants I’ve had my eye on. This time was well spent, so I know I can’t quit the site completely. What I need is to get the most use out of the platform, but not use it to hide from the stresses of my everyday life.

What I need is to get the most use out of the platform, but not use it to hide from the stresses of my everyday life.

A few days in, it became clear that a blocking app alone was not going to solve my problem. Instead of turning to social media in bored or frazzled moments, I started scrolling the news instead. Realizing I couldn’t be trusted to control myself, I remembered the advice about boundaries. When I went to bed, at least, the phone did not.

Off the bat, I found that my sleep improved. If I woke up at night, instead of scrolling, I simply waited to doze off again. After a few nights, I found that I was falling asleep more quickly, and each day when I woke up, I reached for a notepad and pen to write down my thoughts, a plan for the day, even shopping lists—all before everyone else woke up. I felt noticeably calmer and more levelheaded in the mornings. And during the day, my phone felt less magnetic.

Throughout the course of my experiment, I also became aware of my husband’s frequent phone use. We struck a deal that when we were watching TV or eating, neither of us would be on our phones. This has led to more meaningful conversations, more affection, and higher-quality TV choices, instead of background TV with little plot or substance.

After two weeks, I truly feel like I’ve made progress. Of course, I still get bored and overwhelmed, and I still experience the urge to scroll. But now, instead of fulling cutting out social-media apps, I use Blocksite to temporarily block access to the apps that are distracting me for a few hours, depending on what is on my schedule.

Now, I include news apps in this list, too, to really cut down on my options for procrastination. This means I have to think about what access I’ll need for the day and be proactive about it. It also means that instead of hiding from overwhelm, I’ve started to tackle those things that are overwhelming me: a difficult assignment, relentless life admin, or the need to take a real break for myself.

When I started researching this piece, I was pretty convinced that smartphones are generally bad. I honestly thought I’d have to give up a lot. But in the world we live in, we all have to find ways to gain control of our devices. Blocking apps definitely have a time and a place. But ultimately, we are the ones in charge here—not the phones. We have to set our own rules, and we have to stick to them.

It feels like I read about a new announcement of layoffs every day. That makes me nervous that my company will be next, and my job will be in jeopardy. I know that I can’t control that possibility, but is there anything I can do to protect myself or best prepare for layoffs?

Answer:

Losing your job is no joke. There’s a lot of career anxiety swirling in many folks right now, thanks in large part to a slew of headlines about the latest companies to cut jobs, bank failures, and the realities of a slowing job market. It’s only natural to have concern about your financial stability, despite being completely at the mercy of your employer. But that doesn’t have to be the case.

I am not a financial advisor, a lawyer, or a human resources expert; I am a burnout-relief specialist and a business professional with nearly two decades of working in various industries. And, I have personally experienced a layoff. Thankfully, my experience getting laid off had a limited impact on my long-term success, because two months later, I started a full-time MBA program.

Will your company have layoffs? What side of the line will you be on? What will the severance packages include? While there are a number of unknowns that you can’t control, there are some actions you can take now as a protective preparation that may reduce some of your feelings of stress.

Here are four things you can do to safeguard your life from layoffs—or at least make them a bit easier to handle, should they ensue:

1. Clarify and focus on your objectives

When it comes to layoffs, bonuses, and promotions, performance is often a key part of the evaluation process. This process includes a review of how well you delivered against your objectives or goals. Many companies have employees set goals each year with their managers to help better measure performance, and ideally they should help guide your projects and priorities throughout the year. Goals written using the SMART method (which refers to goals that are specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time-bound) ensures clarity and makes it easy to measure progress.

There’s a finite number of hours in the day, and it’s important that you put energy into the things that matter. Not only can doing so help you stay in good standing at work, but it’s also good for your mental health.

There’s a finite number of hours in the day, and it’s important that you put energy into the things that matter. Not only can doing so help you stay in good standing at work, but it’s also good for your mental health.

If you’re reading this and realizing that you do not have clear goals, now is a great time to fix this. Check in with your manager to better understand the goal-setting process and what actions you can take to lock yours in for the year. If you are starting from scratch, review the organization’s priorities and use that to inform what is important for you to do in your role before reviewing them with your manager. If you’ve already set your annual goals, revisit them and see if they need any tweaking based on what current business and team goals are.

2. Keep your receipts

Whether you stay in your current company or end up needing to look for a new role, your ability to communicate your impact and effectiveness at work is essential. I recommend conducting a bi-weekly review of your objectives and your progress. Keep a working document to track your accomplishments, wins, and any positive feedback that you’ve received. Maintaining this running list will help you keep an accurate record and reduce the likelihood of overlooking something important.

This list can be used in a few ways: It can help you keep your boss up-to-date on your projects. It will also be your cheat sheet when it comes to mid-year or annual reviews—having all of your “wins” at your fingertips can give you better leverage for a raise or promotion. Finally, in the event where you have to look for a new job, you can use the information to provide concrete examples of your skills and achievements on your resume or during an interview.

3. Build out your savings as best your can

Financial stress is real. Even if you are not anticipating layoffs in your company, it would be a good move to strengthen your finances. A recent CNBC survey found that 70 percent of Americans are stressed about their finances. Even 57 percent of six-figure earners feel the same!

It’s hard to plan your finances in very uncertain times, but given that it takes an average of five months to find a new job, it’s important to have something squirreled away to lean on in case things go south. I recommend that people look into developing two separate stashes of savings to lean on in case things go south: an emergency fund and what I like to call a f**k it fund.

What’s the difference? In my opinion, the former helps create financial stability, while the latter is more about independence. Your emergency fund would cover your bills and living costs while you’re unemployed, while your f**k it fund can be used to cover intentionally taking time off work in between jobs without tapping into money that’s technically for an emergency. That way if you get laid off, you have a little bit of breathing room to help you get by until you are able to find a job again—or figure out your next career move.

Once again, I am not a financial planner, advisor, or expert, but there are a ton of great tips out there on how you can get started saving for an emergency fund (or other kinds of savings), even if you’re cash strapped. I wish that I’d learned about a f**k it fund a long time ago so this is me paying it forward.

4. Understand the nitty-gritty details of any potential severance

If you are directly impacted by layoffs, you may have a severance package—meaning some kind of compensation for being let go. What is included will vary depending on your company, your position, and your performance, but it typically includes financial and other support benefits. The details will likely be communicated to you verbally by a member of human resources and followed up in a written format.

Severance often comes with legal documents you sign. You must read it carefully to understand when and how much you will be paid (for example, as a lump sum or as scheduled payments like a paycheck), how long you will retain health benefits (if at all) after your last day, how your vacation time will be treated (like whether you’ll be paid for unused days), and if there is any job-search support. Lastly, you’ll want to confirm the details of any non-disclosure agreements (NDA), as regulations have recently changed so that employers can’t require someone to sign an NDA in exchange for severance.

If you can afford a lawyer, it never hurts to have an extra set of trained eyes to look over your document. Many agreements have a sign-by date, so make note of deliverables and timeline so you can act accordingly.

Layoffs suck. If you find yourself among the millions of individuals impacted by the layoffs, I hope that these tips help you feel (and be!) more prepared. Being let go can be emotional, and while it may compromise your confidence in the short-term, it does not have an impact on your capability or reflect your value to an organization. Get support if you need it. And find some stillness, and take a breath before you jump back into the job search.

What is an anxiety-related thought trap?

A thought trap that triggers or worsens anxiety is one kind of cognitive distortion, “an exaggerated or irrational thought that has the power to negatively distort how we see reality,” clinical neuropsychology PhD resident Nawal Mustafa previously told Well+Good. In particular, an anxiety-related thought trap, or anxiety trap, will distort your reality in a way that makes you feel more anxious about the future, even to the point of keeping you from taking action or moving forward with your life.

Indeed, according to clinical psychologist Carla Marie Manly, PhD, author of Joy from Fear, these negative thinking patterns have “incredible power to affect us physically, mentally, and emotionally.” For starters, the activation of your fight-or-flight nervous system triggered by anxiety can leave you sweating, nauseated, feeling jittery, or short of breath with a racing heart. And on the mental-emotional side of things, maintaining even a baseline level of anxiety can lead to self-doubt and low self-esteem.

How anxiety traps can become especially ingrained in our thinking

Because feelings of anxiety can often get intertwined with healthy striving and wanting to be the best version of yourself, it can be easy to gloss over them—particularly in the workplace where you’re being counted on to succeed, says Morra Aarons-Mele, author of The Anxious Achiever: Turn Your Biggest Fears into Your Leadership Superpower and host of The Anxious Achiever podcast. This is especially poignant for the people with high-functioning anxiety who may feel like if they don’t feel anxious, nervous, or agitated at work, they’re somehow letting themselves off the hook or at risk of becoming a slacker.

“[Anxiety thought traps] can become so habitual that we don’t consider their harm.” —Morra Aarons-Mele, author of The Anxious Achiever

“When you’re an anxious achiever, you can sort of forget how to operate without anxiety, especially because in our very productivity-driven world, you often get rewarded for operating with anxiety if you’re getting your work done,” says Aarons-Mele. In turn, the thought traps that fuel anxiety can become a part of your regular thinking—something you just learn to push through, rather than investigate and dismantle. “These thoughts become so habitual that we don’t consider their harm,” she says.

But, as noted above, harboring anxious thoughts is detrimental to both body and mind. Not to mention, operating with constant anxiety at work can fuel fatigue and burnout; trigger crippling perfectionism and imposter syndrome; and reinforce the damaging idea that your worth is based on what you can achieve.

In turn, it’s important to both identify and disrupt anxiety thought traps whenever they creep up. Below, find five of the most common anxiety traps to watch out for, plus advice for how to escape them.

5 thought traps that fuel anxiety, and how to combat them

1. Catastrophizing

This anxiety trap is characterized by always assuming that any situation will result in the worst-case scenario, even if you have little or no evidence to think so. To make matters, well, worse, it’s also possible that believing the worst will happen becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, leading to self-sabotage and other behaviors that fuel a negative outcome, says Dr. Manly.

The fix: A powerful tool to stop catastrophizing in its tracks is to simply call it out and redirect your brain to a more productive path by considering the other possible outcomes. That is, if you find yourself thinking the worst, instead push yourself to envision what would be the best or even a neutral outcome of the situation. You don’t necessarily have to believe that these positive or neutral things will happen; simply considering them can help pull you out of the anxiety spiral, says Dr. Manly.

Factual information can be a powerful tool, too. It’s harder to believe in a theoretical worst-case outcome if you’re looking at facts that prove something different may be true. For example, if you’re catastrophizing about your financial situation, Aarons-Mele says getting some concrete numbers together and seeking advice from a financial expert can help put your worries into more realistic perspective.

2. All-or-nothing thinking

When you’re caught in this anxiety trap, there isn’t any nuance. Everything is the worst or the best; you’re either blessed or doomed. But in reality, life isn’t so cut and dried—and falling into the all-or-nothing trap can prevent you from seeing all of the interesting variations and subtleties of things, says Aarons-Mele. Plus, believing that things are either great or terrible can lead you to think that if you don’t do something perfectly, it’s not worth trying at all. Cue: damaging perfectionistic behaviors.

The fix: This thought trap springs, in part, from a tendency toward judgement—both of yourself and of others. So, Dr. Manly advises trying to consider at least one or two alternative perspectives from your own whenever the all-or-nothing tendency rears its head. Keeping an open mind to other perspectives can help you realize that there’s a lot of distance and opportunity between the worst and best outcomes, which can be a useful tool for neutralizing such extreme thinking.

3. Labeling

This anxiety trap is marked by calling yourself extreme negative names like lazy, undeserving, or incompetent—especially in scenarios where self-criticism is entirely unwarranted. (Consider receiving a constructive comment on a work project, and instantly assuming that this makes you a terrible employee.)

In addition to fueling anxiety, such negative self-talk can spark a spiral of negativity, potentially triggering depressive thoughts and lowering your self-esteem. “When we listen to the inner critic—the voice that wants to tell us we are unworthy or unlovable—we punish ourselves in the unkindest of ways,” says Dr. Manly.

The fix: When you catch yourself calling yourself an unkind name, pause for a few deep breaths to acknowledge the label, and then redirect to a more positive one. This is a technique called thought-stopping that can help you remember that you’re not your worst moments and that it’s important to give yourself grace. In other moments, it’s also helpful to actively practice positive self-talk as a means to bolster your self-esteem against more critical scenarios.

4. Ruminating and overthinking

Aarons-Mele calls this anxiety trap “an anxious person’s best friend” for how commonly it surfaces. Also known as “stewing,” ruminating or overthinking is all about revisiting the same situations over and over again in your mind and marinating on them. Because carefully thinking things through before acting is often something that high-achievers do, it can be difficult for these folks, in particular, to identify when this helpful thinking takes a turn into rumination territory, says Aarons-Mele.

Often, overthinking also involves thinking about something negative that happened in the past and that you can’t change, which just makes the process even more futile and steers you away from resolution. “When we use our energy to engage in unhelpful repetitive thoughts, we are robbing ourselves of the ability to put our thoughts toward positive directions,” says Dr. Manly.

The fix: To stop yourself from overthinking, start by grounding yourself using your five senses (try the 5-4-3-2-1 technique to home in on things you can see, hear, touch, taste, and smell) or embrace a distraction that’ll pull you out of the thinking spiral, like listening to a favorite song or zoning out to a comforting TV show, says Dr. Manly.

From there, practice psychological distancing by considering the situation you were (over)thinking about from a third-party perspective, like that of a friend, or by scheduling time to consider it tomorrow or on another day. You can also try purposefully shifting your thoughts to something else “in a direction that feels right to you,” says Dr. Manly.

5. Discounting the positive

You’ve fallen into this thought trap when you find ways to make the positive experiences in your life not really “count,” either by rejecting them outright or convincing yourself that any success or achievement happened purely by chance.

The fix: The best way to fight this negative thinking loop is to actively savor any positive moment—however small it may be—whenever it arrives, says Dr. Manly. Instead of writing off your own role in this good thing happening, also take the time to consider how your actions and skills made this positive event or feeling possible, she adds.

It’s also helpful to keep a physical file of positive moments or wins, including compliments or praise from others and personal moments of strength that you record. Being able to reference your capabilities at any point can help you build confidence and reduce the tendency to write off successes.

After that conversation with Rita Assaf, Vice President of Retirement and College Products for Fidelity Investments, and Ryan Viktorin, CFP, Fidelity Investments Vice President Financial Consultant, I felt that while tricky, current situation didn’t spell out financial ruin. Building upon our discussion, I made a seven-step plan of actionable tips to improve my finances and financial health, assuage my financial anxiety, and work toward effective retirement planning. Here’s what happened when I attempted to execute their advice.

Exactly what happened when I implemented 7 actionable tips to improve my finances

Tip 1: Prioritize searching for a specific type of full-time work

One potential upside of seeking full-time work at a stable, established company is the increased likelihood of expansive company-provided or -subsidized benefits, including fertility costs. This is top of mind for me, because in vitro fertilization (IVF) is one of my upcoming expenses.

How it went: Since I underwent major surgery in the time period since I met with Assaf and Viktorin, I haven’t had the energy to dedicate my full attention my job search. Though I haven’t made much progress on this front, my résumé is updated and ready to go, and now that I’m on the mend, I plan to attack this “to-do.” Thanks to my takeaways from my chat with Assaf and Viktorin, I now know exactly what I’m looking for, which should make the search more focused and efficient.

Tip 2: Figure out what I need in order to feel sane and safe during this time

My financial strife has certainly compromised my mental health. To help alleviate my distress associated with the prospect of an empty bank account, I paid for new expenses with credit cards—with an eye on interest rates, which I know end up costing more than paying in cash would yield.

How it went: Though debt is associated with feelings of anxiety, as well, I know that I will feel worse if I don’t have cash liquidity in my account for bills like rent. Having a zeroed-out bank account makes me feel panicked, whereas having low-levels of debt for a short-term period (I know interest levels adding to my principal spending render this strategy financially unsafe for any long-term window) makes me feel a lower-grade stress. I make a point to check my accounts often so I never balk at a number and feel comfortable with the charges I am making.

Tip 3. Make the money I do have work harder for me

Assaf and Viktorin brought to my attention that if I move some money in my checking account to a high-yield savings account, it could generate some amount of income passively. This was extremely easy to execute, and I feel great about having done so. I intend to keep a close eye on interest rates so I can quickly pivot my strategy if the current rate becomes less lucrative.

It took just five minutes to transfer the bulk of my cash over to a high-yield savings account.

How it went: After some quick research, I opted for a high-yield account that has a higher annual percent rate (APR) than my current account. It took just five minutes to transfer the bulk of my cash over to that account, and I left enough in my other account to cover a little more than one month’s worth of expenses. Ideally, I will obtain full-time work soon, pay off my debt with that income, and not have to touch this set-aside cash so that it can continue to earn for me. But if I do need to use it, it’s easy to withdraw quickly, which helps me temper my feelings of anxiety.

Tip 4. Keep an eye on my credit-card balances

As noted above, it’s extremely important that I continue to pay the minimum on my credit cards so I don’t end up paying down interest that makes my original payments much higher than they otherwise would have been.

How it went: Unfortunately, the balance on those cards did recently increase by $12,000 due to surgery expenses, which means I currently have the most credit card debt I’ve ever had. Still, I’ve been managing to pay considerably more than the minimums while continuing to keep adequate cash in my account. So for the time being, I feel good about this approach. The plan is to pay off the debt in full as soon as I acquire full-time work again.

Tip 5. Construct an airtight new budget

When your financial situation changes dramatically, it’s important to audit your budget to account for those shifts. Assaf and Viktorin suggested I take a look at my expenses with new eyes and make cuts wherever possible from my “nice-to-haves” bucket.

How it went: I looked at my monthly subscriptions and cut as many as possible. Through this process, I discovered I’m paying about $200 per month in fees for memberships including Netflix, Dropbox, The New York Times, etc. Some of these were easy to cut—streamers went first, along with any other entertainment-centric expenses—while others were more difficult because I use them for work. Wherever possible, I asked friends and family if I could temporarily borrow accounts to which I still require access. The total monthly savings of cutting these costs amounted to around $150. It’s not a life-changing amount, but it’s better than nothing.

I’ve begun asking friends if we can cook at home or meet for a walk instead of going out for pricey meals

I also considered expenses on food delivery, dining out, clothing, and beauty maintenance. As soon as I lost my job, I deleted all of my food-delivery apps, but they’ve occasionally found themselves re-downloaded. But, through this exercise, I committed to excising them for good. This has given new energy to my social life, as well, as I’ve begun asking friends if we can cook at home or meet for a walk instead of going out for pricey meals.

I’ve also halted spending on clothing until I secure full-time work and repaid my debt. And I’ve started doing my own manicures, as well.

Tip 6. Look into fertility-related payment plans

I’m planning to begin IVF in the fall, and that is going to cost at least $30,000. When I told Assaf and Viktorin my original plan to put that expense on credit cards, they suggested I ask my fertility doctor’s office if they offer payment plans or lower rates for paying in cash.

How it went: I doubted my provider would work with me on a payment plan, but I was pleasantly surprised to learn my assumption was wrong. This means that as long as I can pay the amount of each installment, I can avoid accruing interest on credit cards. It’s a big win for my finances and mental health. Once I have the ability to save money again, I also plan to open a health savings account (HSA), which would help me saving on taxes immediately and pay for qualified medical expenses through retirement.

Tip 7. Be ready with a plan for when it’s time to start saving again

Assaf and Viktorin suggested that I prepare myself to enact a savings plan for long-term financial health and retirement immediately upon resuming full-time work and paying down my debt.

How it went: Ideally, my new job will offer 401(k) matching or another employer-funded retirement offering. If it doesn’t, I’ll look into opening an IRA account, which is another tax-advantaged strategy for building retirement savings. Beyond that, I plan to create a college fund going for the child I’m trying to have.

For the time being, I’m working on visualizing what financial health looks like for me, especially if my partner and I are successful in having a child. He’s offered to take on housing expenses and will be, at the very least, splitting the cost of parenting. But we are otherwise planning to keep our finances separate—which is something that’s always been important to me. For this reason, it’s crucial that I set myself (and future family) up for financial health.

The most important lesson I learned from this exercise of meeting with financial professionals to discuss my current situation, goals, and retirement vision is that even when things feel hopeless, there are always actionable financial tips available to improve your finances in some small way. It’s important not to let fear render you stuck, which is the state in which Assaf and Viktorin found me. Now that I see there’s action to be taken, I feel empowered to regain control of my financial situation; I can see a path forward.

One country taking this into account, however, is Spain, which made history in February by becoming the first country in Europe to grant workers the right to paid menstrual leave. This means people will be able to take time off work to manage painful symptoms associated with their periods.

This is not just about promoting a healthy workplace culture (though it definitely can help with that). Paid menstrual leave also has the potential to boost productivity.

In fact, several studies have demonstrated that ignoring the impact of periods on employees can have a significant effect on work efficiency. Research indicates that people who menstruate often work through the pain and discomfort of their periods, resulting in decreased productivity. For instance, a Dutch survey of 32,748 women conducted in 2019 revealed that trying to work through painful, exhausting, or heavy periods resulted in the equivalent of nine lost workdays per person, per year, based on the decrease in how much they got done. Think about it: They could have spent those days resting, then come back to work fully charged.

“I think that it is essential to cultivate understanding workplace cultures that are mindful of natural needs and physical pain,” Nadya Okomoto, founder and CEO of August, a lifestyle brand working to destigmatize periods, tells Well+Good. “So many menstruators experience period cramps, and that can range from manageable pain to levels of pain that make it hard to get out of bed or be moving around.”

An estimated 10 percent of American menstruators between the ages of 25 and 45 suffer from endometriosis, a condition that causes excessive cramps, as well as abnormal or heavy flows. Meanwhile, an estimated 26 million Americans have uterine fibroids, which can also lead to severe and frequent pain during periods. According to data from the National Library of Medicine, fibroids are even more common and more severe among Black communities, which puts them more at risk for not being able to fully participate in work.

“We need more understanding workplaces that either have menstrual leave, or allow for more flexibility for physical pain, so that people can focus on recovery to show up feeling better when they aren’t experiencing period pain,” Okomoto says. “Menstrual leave is part of a larger discussion about how we think about work versus rest versus healing.”

“Menstrual leave is part of a larger discussion about how we think about work versus rest versus healing.” —Nadya Okomoto, CEO August

At the moment, only two companies in the U.S. offer paid menstrual leave: software company Nuvento and astrology company Chani.

“It can be incredibly painful to have a uterus and most of us are taught to ignore or push through that pain from a young age,” Chani CEO Sonya Passi tells Well+Good. “At Chani, we don’t want any of our employees to work while they are in pain. We intentionally distinguished this as its own type of leave because if you have period pain, you are not sick, and so shouldn’t have to deplete your sick days. We knew that if we made it its own type of leave, people would actually use it.”

“We don’t want any of our employees to work while they are in pain.” —Sonya Passi, Chani CEO

When asked if she’s noticed an overall change in employees’ behavior at work, Passi’s response is optimistic. “Put it this way: Our staff are using it, our staff are happy, our users love the app, and our revenue keeps growing,” she says.

At the same time, Okomoto acknowledges that paid menstrual leave could be a double edged sword. “We’ve seen examples of paid menstrual leave hurt menstruators’ chances of being promoted or included in work opportunities, given the unfair assumption that they won’t be as available because of the cyclical nature of periods,” Okomoto says. “I think that ideally, we move towards a work culture that just has an overall flexibility about taking time off and resting when in pain.”

In addition to the productivity benefits, there are also significant health and workplace culture benefits when employees are given the flexibility to not work or work from home during their period to better manage the pain.

For one, it could encourage open conversations about periods and the effects could create a more comfortable environment for people to discuss their health with employers and colleagues. This could help to eliminate the stigma around menstruation, leading to improved well-being and increased company loyalty.

“Ideally we would see more employee satisfaction in feeling respected and valued by their employers,” says Okomoto. “People cannot do their best work when they are in physical pain, so we would hope that policies like this help people work smarter, not necessarily harder/longer.”

Okomoto believes the path to more U.S. companies offering paid menstrual leave should start with federal legislation. “First we need to see federal legislation that actually acknowledges period care as a necessity for all people,” she says. “Right now we still have 20 states that have the tampon tax, and we are still waiting for there to be free period care in schools, shelters, and prisons. American capitalism is so intense that right now there is not an incentive to offer paid menstrual leave for all workers, especially lower-level employees who either work manual jobs or whose roles involve constant physical activity (for example, working in retail).”

Of course, this is no small ask. Okomoto admits that in order to see widespread policy for paid menstrual leave, the U.S. would need an “extreme cultural change” on how we view labor—and also how we respect people’s biological, natural needs.

Even so, it’s daunting to give up the security and seniority I’ve built in my current field to forge this new path that stands to make my family’s financial situation feel less solid in the immediate future. I’m currently 45, and in addition to my intended career pivot, retirement planning is top of mind. I also have three kids to provide for, and as I watch sky-high college costs grow, it feels impossible that we could afford the price, despite our intentions to cover it.

I’d like to fully understand the financial implications of the change I’m considering—on both my short-term and long-term financial wellness. So I chatted with Fidelity Investments Vice President, Financial Consultant Ryan Viktorin, CFP, who helped me get a better handle on things.

Viktorian’s first suggestion was to audit my current expenditures and saving habits. She says the exercise may illuminate to me that the initial pay cut may not be as jarring to my lifestyle and savings goals as I presumed. But even before getting into the nitty-gritty, she says creating clear, realistic goals is crucial.

“The more that you can take action to try to understand what your general goals are, the more empowering it is, and the more confident you can feel.” — Ryan Viktorin, CFP, Fidelity Investments VP Financial Consultant

“The more that you can take action to try to understand what your general goals are, the more empowering it is, and the more confident you can feel,” says Viktorin. “A lot of people think ‘If I actually put a pen to paper, then I’m gonna get the answer that I can’t do it,’ and it seems really scary. It’s probably not that—it just means what do we tweak? Even if you say, ‘I want to retire when I’m 60’ and then find out it makes sense to do it at 63 instead, it doesn’t mean you’re never going to retire.”

Chatting with Viktorin is helping me realize that I can make this career switch as long as I have a clear plan in place. Below are the best tips I learned from our conversation about how I manage a pay cut now for and still have a financially safe and fruitful future.

7 tips to manage a pay cut and still plan for a financially healthy future

1. Identify any gaps in your future financial situation

Viktorin says that to manage a pay cut, I need to first examine what our current expenses look like in reference to our current income, and how that would compare to our financial situation after my pay cut. The purpose is to gauge whether there will be a gap between what the expenses are and what the income would be, she says.

Right now, we’re covering our expenses, and we are putting a little bit away each month. But I’m anticipating a $30,000 drop in my salary once I switch jobs (our household income range is currently between $215,000 and $540,000), so we have to figure out where we can shift our spending to make up for that loss.

2. Temporarily decrease how much we’re saving in post-tax accounts

Beyond 401(k) contributions, my wife and I put $1,500 into a savings account each month. Although I feel like we should be contributing even more, Viktorin helped me see that it’s okay to cut the amount we save for the time being. “The $1,500 [portion of savings] is a net amount that you’ve already paid taxes out of, so you’re able to save $18,000 a year net after taxes,” she says. “If you gross that back up, it’s probably closer to maybe $20,000 [of your actual salary].”

I never thought about it this way, and having her here to do the math helped me realize that this pay cut won’t be as scary as it first seemed to me. Especially because it’s only temporary—I’ve been assured that there is a lot of room for growth in the new field I’m considering and that it won’t take long to get back to the salary I’m currently making. So in a few years, we’ll ideally be able to save more than we already are.

Soon after getting laid off, I learned two quite stressful things that carry financial implications. I needed to undergo surgery that would cost $60,000; and if I hoped to have a baby (I do), I’d need to do in vitro fertiliztion (IVF) within the next six months.

Regarding insurance coverage, I was fortunately able to find a surgeon who takes insurance for the particular procedure I require (most don’t). So, some percentage of the surgery’s expense will be covered, though the exact amount remains unclear. To this point, I’ve spent around $4,000 out-of-pocket on related medical expenses. I will also be incurring travel expenses because this surgeon’s practice is not local.

Unfortunately, my insurance plan doesn’t cover infertility treatments, meaning everything related to my IVF process will be an out-of-pocket expense, which I estimate at around $30,0000 per round. (And it’s often the case that multiple rounds are required to yield a pregnancy.)

This means that in the next six months, I expect to incur at least $40,000 in medical bills. My savings are just about gone, and the freelance work I’ve taken on since being laid off barely covers my monthly expenses, let alone these huge unforeseen costs. I’d like to be able to have a plan for not just paying these immediate bills, but also for saving after this job loss. I’m just not sure how to go about it.

As a result of this overwhelming financial need, I am now actively looking for a full-time job rather than sticking with freelance writing. But, because the freelance assignments I currently have—and need to retain in order to stay financially afloat—are so time-consuming, I’m having trouble finding time at all to search for a full-time job. Further pressurizing this situation is the reality that I will soon be out of commission for some amount of time due to my surgery. And if I’m very, very lucky, there will be a baby to somehow support at the end of all this struggle.

“We’ve seen layoffs across the country…people are going to wonder what to do when this happens and their best-laid plans get tossed up in the air.” —Ryan Viktorin, CFP, Fidelity Investments VP Financial Consultant

Even though the details of my situation are unique, Fidelity Investments Vice President, Financial Consultant Ryan Viktorin, CFP, says I’m not alone in navigating less-than-ideal financial circumstances these days. “We’ve seen layoffs across the country start, but it can get a lot worse in a recession,” she says. “A lot of people are going to wonder what to do when this happens and their best-laid plans get tossed up in the air. It can be very scary.”

While she and Rita Assaf, Vice President of Retirement and College Products for Fidelity Investments, agree that my situation is tough, they are able to offer guidance for managing my stress levels, triaging my finances until full-time work can be obtained, and setting me up for success in the future with regard to saving after job loss. Here are their top tips:

7 tips for creating a saving plan after job loss, according to financial professionals

1. Prioritize searching for a specific type of full-time work

First and foremost, Viktorin and Assaf tell me that my current priority—finding full-time work—is a smart one, given that it will hopefully set me up with healthy and regular pay. To this end, they point out that positions with well-established companies that have a clear business trajectory may be more likely than a startup to offer solid benefits such as retirement-saving matching and good health insurance. “Taking a job at a larger firm may provide more benefits and, therefore, stability so that you can feel like you’re climbing out of your situation,” says Viktorin.

Given the expense of IVF in my future, Viktorin also points out that some companies offer full or partial fertility benefits. So, it may make sense to research those companies specifically to see what positions they have available.

2. Figure out what I need in order to feel sane and safe during this time

Without steady income, I’ve felt more comfortable using credit cards to pay my bills so I can stay liquid rather than draining my checking and savings accounts down to nothing. (Low bank balances keep me up at night!) Assaf says this is fine if it’s helping me survive the situation with my sanity intact. “There’s no such thing as one-size-fits-all advice when it comes to finances,” she says. “If, mentally, it makes sense to keep the cash, that’s totally fine!”

That said, paying mind to the interest rates my credit cards carry is key to track because those alone could lead me to acquiring debt.

3. Make the money I do have work harder for me

With that said, Assaf notes that if I am going to keep that cash in my bank account, I should look for a high-yield savings account to transfer it into. “With interest rates rising, you could get up to four percent on your cash,” she says. “So make it work for you.”

4. Keep an eye on my credit-card balances

While she doesn’t oppose my sanity-saving strategy of generating a certain amount of credit-card debt in order to keep cash on hand, Assaf does suggest being strategic about my plastic spending. “Check the annual percentage rate (APR) on your credit cards, because if it’s too high, you may be putting yourself in a bit of a pickle over time if you’re not able to make at least a minimum payment on it,” she says.

Defaulting on that minimum payment must be avoided at all costs, says Assaf, because doing so can increase interest rates on the debt and negatively impact my credit score. Furthermore, carrying a balance at all means I’m ultimately paying more than I would if I paid in cash or otherwise in full. “Having your payments auto-debited out of your account each month can help make sure you don’t miss a payment,” she says.

5. Construct an airtight new budget

Assaf and Viktorin also tell me it’s time to create a monthly budget reflective of my current circumstance. “Budgets get a bad reputation,” says Assaf. “They’re not meant to be restrictive, but rather function as guidelines to help you understand exactly how much you can spend without having to worry—and they are for people of all income levels.”

“Budgets function as guidelines to help you understand exactly how much you can spend without having to worry—and they are for people of all income levels.” —Rita Assaf, VP Retirement and College Products, Fidelity Investments

The first step, she says, is to take an inventory of what I’m spending. “Knowing what comes in and what goes out of your bank account every month is the first step in saving money,” says Assaf. “This will give you the chance to see how much you’re shelling out for essentials (think: housing costs, groceries, insurance, debt repayment) versus what you pay for nice-to-haves, like eating out or entertainment.”

Those second-category items—the “nice-to-haves”—are what then need to be cut out of my budget wherever possible during this difficult time, says Viktorin. For example, it likely makes sense to halt my (albeit, small) monthly charitable giving until I’m back on my feet with steady income and a plan to pay down debt and resume saving, she says.

She also notes that subscription fees can really add up, so it might behoove me to inventory all those fees—think Dropbox, Netflix, etc.—and see which ones can be cut for now. These are simply her suggestions for saving, however; Viktorin notes that it’s up to me to determine my priorities and alter my budget accordingly.

6. Look into fertility-related payment plans

While Assaf acknowledges that it is difficult to get insurance coverage or any type of relief for the burden of IVF costs, she says some fertility offices do offer payment plans and notes that it’s worth asking mine if this is something they do. There also may be lower rates for paying in cash. If not, I could consider calling other local IVF providers to compare costs and payment options.

Since my current strategy is to put everything on credit cards, these options would definitely be better ways to go if possible, as the debt wouldn’t accrue interest.

7. Be ready with a plan for when it’s time to start saving again

Once I’ve exited this emergency period (*prayers hands emoji*) and resumed full-time work with a steady and secure paycheck, Assaf and Viktorin say it’s key to be ready with a new savings plan to put in place.

The first step in this direction is to name and price my savings goals—what I’m saving for (e.g. retirement, a house, an emergency fund) and how much I want to save. Because many of my savings objectives will be large, Assaf recommends approaching them with baby steps. “You may want to break your biggest goals into subgoals that you can more easily accomplish within a shorter time frame,” she says.

Once these targets are set, they can be baked into my budget, says Assaf. If my goal is to put together a $30,000 emergency fund, I can back into monthly savings goals for that fund by looking at what I can afford to save each month, the amount of time I want to take to save it, or both. Whatever monthly amount I land on will then get added as a nonnegotiable line item in my budget.

When the time comes, Assaf also says being strategic about the way in which this money is saved. For example, she says, I may want to set up separate accounts for separate goals. “For short-term goals—those you plan to accomplish within three years—you may want to stick with cash held in checking, regular savings, or high-yield savings accounts and cash-like investments, such as certificates of deposit (CDs) or money market funds,” she says.

Another consideration is to put some money in a Roth IRA, which could help me save for retirement but also afford me the ability to access funds if I need them. Unlike a number of other retirement savings accounts, a Roth IRA allows for withdrawals without penalty or taxes for a number of reasons that apply to my situation, including certain medical expenses, the birth of a child, and the first-time purchase of home.

“For savings goals that are further out,” Assaf adds, “You can consider holding a portion of your savings in investment accounts based on your timeline and willingness to take on risk.”

But, when improv comedy is done right, it’s magic. It showcases people working together to create something connected, coherent, and hilarious—out of nothing. And it doesn’t have to stay limited to comedy alone. One of the core ideas of improv, “yes, and,” stands to improve your work life, too.

People often assume from the improv technique’s name itself that “yes, and” prescribes taking on more and more. That you can never say no. That you always have to agree. None of those misunderstandings could be further from the truth.

At its core, “yes, and” is a guideline that specifies folks listen deeply, acknowledge someone else’s reality, and then build upon their point of view. It’s a beautiful idea that I use often in my executive coaching work. When applied in work settings, the “yes, and” improv technique can help you improve your career while protecting your boundaries.

5 ways the “yes, and” improv technique can improve your work life

1. It spurs creativity and innovation

Consciously or not, we’re often looking for reasons why something won’t work: “We should institute a monthly happy hour.” “Yes, but, we don’t have the budget. No one has the time. Leadership won’t buy in.”

If you shift your thinking—and your actual language—from yes, but to yes, and, you’ll be better equipped to navigate obstacles and generate new ideas.

If you shift your thinking—and your actual language—from yes, but to yes, and, you’ll be better equipped to navigate obstacles and generate new ideas. Using the happy hour example above, here’s how the power of “yes, and” can help: “Yes, and, we should plan the happy hour as a potluck, so we don’t have to spend any budget. And we should do it during our regularly scheduled weekly meeting time, since everyone is already planning to attend. And we should ask a different leader every month to be our guest of honor, so they’re more integrated in both the event and the team.”

If someone presents a challenge at work, you can “yes, and” them in order to solve problems and generate ideas, versus finding more reasons why something won’t work.

2. It helps you say “no” by saying “yes” to something else

Let’s imagine your boss asks you to take on an additional project, on top of your already full workload. Your instinct might be to shrug your shoulders and accept the extra work, or push back with a clear “no” to protect your boundaries.

But here’s how a “yes, and” response might look: “Yes, I totally hear that this is a priority, and it’ll have an important impact on the team.” Here, the yes acknowledges the manager’s point of view.

From there, the “and” half of the “yes, and” technique works as the conversation piece: “And I want to find a way to get this done, even with my already-full workload. Can we find a way to prioritize, or get creative about my workload together?” By building on what your boss is asking you to do, you can find a solution that works for you both.

Examples of how to use the “yes, and” improv technique at work:

• When you don’t want to go to the Friday night happy hour: “[Yes] I love the idea of spending time together outside of our meetings. [And] while I can’t make it this time, can we take 30 minutes on Monday to get out of the office for a coffee break to catch up?”
• When you’re tired of being the person in your leadership meeting to always take notes: “[Yes] I know how important it is to capture our thoughts and next steps. [And] I was thinking I could start a note-taking rotation, so everyone takes a turn.”

With the “yes,” you acknowledge another person’s premise or need and then build, add, or find a creative way to meet that need with the “and.” You can achieve this without just taking more on yourself.

3. It makes you a better ally, by amplifying others

Amplifying peers’ voices at work is an important allyship behavior, particularly given research showing historically excluded or underrepresented groups, like Black women, are more likely to be ignored than members of the white majority. The “yes, and” mentality can help to address this.

For example, let’s say your co-worker suggests a great solution to combat a supply shortage by widening the supplier-source pool. An inclusive response might look like this: “Yes, I love your idea of sourcing from more suppliers. And that idea makes me think we can reach out to our current network to see who they’d recommend.”

A less-inclusive response might be moving straight to your solution for implementing the idea without first acknowledging your co-worker’s input, leaving them feel ignored. By giving credit while building momentum, you ensure every voice is heard, which promotes inclusion, belonging, and psychological safety.

4. It builds stronger relationships

It feels good to be heard, and we tend to feel positive toward people who listen to us. When you acknowledge and then build on someone’s idea by using the “yes, and” technique, they’re more likely to feel heard and experience positive vibes toward you.

5. It makes you feel more positive

When you say “yes, and,” you’re demonstrating positivity because you’re operating under the premise that something will work, so you’re adding to it. Which, thanks to the self-fulfilling prophecy effect, is more likely to actually make you feel more positively toward whatever you’re “yes, and-ing.”

Skeptical that you’ll be able to negotiate a tough contract? Respond to yourself with “yes, and”” “Yes, it’ll be tough, and I have the right team and skills to do it” or “Yes, I’ll be able to negotiate favorable terms, and I’ll do it by finding common ground.” You’ll feel more positively because you’re thinking positively, whether you were trying to do so or not.

Regardless of how you feel about improv comedy, it’s no joke that the simple “yes, and” improv technique has the power to boost how you feel about work and boost your career in the process. It doesn’t require you to take on more or compromise your boundaries, but simply work with a more open mind, willingness for collaboration, and positive outlook.

But a new tool in the anti-burnout toolbox has emerged that takes the pressure off the first day of the week and alleviates the ‘Sunday scaries,’ or the forboding feeling of returning to work. Enter: Bare minimum Monday, the concept of creating a soft landing pad for yourself at work post weekend to preserve your mental health and avoid burnout.

What is a bare minimum Monday?

Coined on TikTok and proliferated by Gen-Z workers, the phrase refers to starting the week slowly by putting in the bare minimum amount of effort to get through the first day back after the weekend. This means accomplishing only the very essential tasks needed for the day (rather than hitting the ground running) as a means of preserving your energy and preventing running out of gas before Friday.

Keren Wasserman, organizational development program manager at mental health benefits company Lyra Health, says this is actually a good practice because it lets workers prioritize balancing their own well-being with their workloads.

“It’s important to put the caveat that it isn’t about trying to get out of work; it’s about making work better.”—Jennifer Moss, author of The Burnout Epidemic: The Rise of Chronic Stress and How We Can Fix It

And putting in the bare minimum doesn’t necessarily mean not doing anything, or even necessarily being unproductive (rest is in fact productive and necessary for our overall health). This practice gives employees the power to decide for themselves the best way to utilize their time. “It’s not that you’re not doing anything,” says  Jennifer Moss, author of The Burnout Epidemic: The Rise of Chronic Stress and How We Can Fix It, says. “It’s important to put the caveat that it isn’t about trying to get out of work; it’s about making work better.”

This idea also hits back directly at some of the detrimental practices that can emerge at work, like toxic productivity or the idea that one needs to be productive at all times. “I don’t think it’s a matter of can I allow my to-do list to slip or not, but it’s more about what strategic activities can I plan at certain times of the week so I can accomplish my to-do list in the most efficient way possible that’s supportive of my mental health and well-being,” Wasserman says.

Why is bare minimum Monday needed?

Workplace burnout is rampant among American workers. The World Health Organization (WHO) even recognizes workplace burnout and pinpoints three tell-tale signs someone is experiencing it: feeling depleted and exhausted; cynicism about one’s job and increased mental distance from it; and reduced professional efficacy.

Many studies have found that burnout and the factors that contribute to it, like high job stress and unmanageable workloads, contribute to both physical and mental health issues, and make workers less productive. You can’t pour from an empty cup, as they say.

Lyra Health’s 2023 State of Workforce Mental Health Report, which surveyed 2,500 employees and more than 250 employee benefits leaders in the U.S. over a period of three months, found that the employees reported feeling “increasingly stressed and burned out.”

According to Wasserman, this practice aligns with organizational development best practices, which allow employees to have some control over their own time to balance their tasks and well-being. “Really what this is saying is ‘how can we create a work experience that allows people to ease into their week so that they can strategically prioritize their to-do list to give them some brain space to do more deep work at the beginning of the week before hitting the ground running instead of getting pulled into a state of overwhelm where they’re not able to perform at their best,” she says.

For too long, Wasserman adds, the onus on preventing burnout has been on individual workers. “Companies and managers have an opportunity with this concept of a bare minimum Monday to help their employees manage their workloads and prevent burnout,” she says.

Plus, according to Moss, it’s worth trying out any new methods that could prevent burnout among workers. “The only way we’re going to get [workplace burnout] under control is by looking at different strategies to attack these problems because what we’ve been doing so far is not working,” she says.

She also adds that uproar over the names of recent work trends that have to do with employees setting boundaries around work and disengaging from toxic productivity—bare minimum Monday, quiet quitting, rage applying—are unproductive and pull focus from the very real issues in the workplace that these behaviors push back against.

How to plan a bare minimum Monday

To give yourself the best possible set up for the rest of the week, Moss and Wasserman suggest taking some time to pinpoint which tasks are most essential to set you up for the week. Prioritize the most pressing and time-sensitive tasks first, and then use the rest of the day to orient yourself for the week ahead.

Each person’s bare minimum Monday will look different, depending on their specific role. For some, the best way to ease into the week may be getting admin-related tasks out of the way, or scheduling meetings. For others, the day may be a heads-down working day. Or, it may look like networking calls or coffees with coworkers to touch base about ideas—look at your workload, and figure out how your first day back would best be spent.

Moss even practices this herself: she likes to leave her Mondays clear of meetings, except for a call with her business manager, to allow her to ramp up and prepare for the rest of the week.

However you choose to layout your bare minimum Monday, the point is always the same: Structure it in a way that keeps the Sunday scaries at bay.

To be clear, equal access to work among people of different gender identities is not the same thing as gender equity at work, which involves the different experiences that people have once they get to the workplace, in terms of growth opportunities and compensation. Breaking down this gender inequity is a key part of the conversation on this week’s episode of The Well+Good Podcast. In it, Well+Good director of podcasts Taylor Camille speaks with financial expert Farnoosh Torabi, host of the So Money podcast, about how and why women still lag behind men in the workplace and the societal and personal shifts that can help close the gap.

Listen to the full episode here:

Perhaps the clearest indication of this lack of gender equity at work is the gender pay gap: As of 2022, women made 82 cents for every dollar earned by men (a statistic that also fails to account for the full spectrum of gender identities). This earnings gap is the genesis of Equal Pay Day, which falls on March 14 to reflect how far into the year women would need to work to earn what men earned the year prior.

According to Torabi, a major part of the continued challenge for women is that, “as active participants in the workplace, we’re still new to this scene,” she says, in the episode. Despite all of the progress that’s been made, it’s important to remember that as recently as 50 years ago, we weren’t “invited to rise through the ranks of corporate America,” she says, “so we’re relatively new to the politics and the systems at work, which have largely been designed by men.” In turn, we’re still making up for lost time when it comes to things like networking and mentorship, which have long been a part of the experience for men in the workplace.

“It shouldn’t be about playing by established [workplace] rules because then we’re just saying the old rules are [correct], and they need to persist.”—Farnoosh Torabi, financial expert

Rather than trying to simply follow in men’s footsteps, however, Torabi argues that women should help blaze a new trail forward. “It shouldn’t be about playing by these established rules because then we’re just saying the old rules are [correct], and they need to persist,” says Torabi. “Let’s be more creative and think a little more inclusively and have everyone write these rules, and not just the folks who’ve been there the longest and are the loudest.”

Why financial expert Farnoosh Torabi says we need to create a new workplace playbook to achieve gender equity at work

It’s often implied that to get ahead at work and in life, women should emulate traditionally masculine behaviors. As historian and author Blair Imani noted on last week’s episode of The Well+Good Podcast, our patriarchal society tends to pit women against each other on the basis that there are only so many seats at the table for them. And this reality can lead women to internalize certain toxic and classically masculine behaviors like ruthless competitiveness.

The result is a workplace playbook that prioritizes and promotes these kinds of behaviors without acknowledging their limitations. As an example, take former Meta COO Sheryl Sandberg’s popular book Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead, which, soon after publication and for a while thereafter, became the authority for women looking to ascend the rungs of the corporate ladder. While Torabi acknowledges that the book does have its merits (one of them being its recommendation for women to look at a job description that’s relevant to their experience and believe that they qualify), it “is very much a playbook that stemmed from how the men were doing things,” she says. (And since its publication, it’s been widely criticized for its lack of intersectionality and promotion of ‘girl boss feminism.’)

Still, that’s not to say that we can’t learn anything from the workplace habits of men or that they cannot be helpful allies to their women colleagues, Torabi caveats, adding that men can certainly be a great source of wisdom and advice at work. Gender equity is a fight for which everyone needs to come off the sidelines and help, she says.

Part of the reason for that are the many systemic roadblocks to gender equity at work—like, for instance, the lack of national paid and family leave in this country, which can disproportionately hold back women who become mothers from career advancement (and the higher paychecks that come with it). And advocating for legislative change is something that anyone can do, regardless of their gender identity.

“If more and more women decide to start speaking up and asking to be paid what they’re worth, we become a force that’s much harder to reckon with.” —Torabi

But at the same time, she says, women, in particular, can and should play an active role in rewriting the workplace playbook going forward—which will mean letting go of or breaking certain rules created by men. “Women, through no fault of our own, have been culturized to believe that we should just put up and shut up in the workplace, and that there will be a cost to speaking up,” says Torabi. “I’ll be the first to admit that there can be a risk there, and employers can be punitive in this way, but if more and more women decide to start speaking up and asking to be paid what they’re worth, we become a force that’s much harder to reckon with.”

The message? Enlist your allies, says Torabi. Though gender inequity at work is still a major issue in 2023, what she says has changed in recent years is the discourse around it—it’s become a lot stronger, she says. “To bring up pay equity during a pay or salary negotiation is no longer unheard of or unusual.” And the next time you’re considering asking for a raise or promotion, that cultural context is something you can leverage, she adds. “Bring that into your conversation.”

To hear more of Torabi’s insights on how we can all work to enhance gender equity at work, listen to the full episode here. 

But for all its utility as a job board and networking tool, LinkedIn is fundamentally a social media platform, which we know can be tough on your mental health, if you use it without guardrails. The ill effects of social media use on self-esteem are well-documented. And while we may associate a correlation between use and lower self-esteem with platforms such as Instagram and Facebook, they extend to LinkedIn, too.

A study published in Cyberpsychology, Behavior, and Social Networking evaluated 1,780 people in the U.S. between ages 19 and 32 who used professional networking sites and found a correlation between increased LinkedIn use and feelings of depression and anxiety (however, the study couldn’t determine directionality).

Why it can feel stressful to use LinkedIn

It can fuel a compare-and-despair mindset

Part of why going on LinkedIn can feel like an emotional minefield is because of social comparison, a natural instinct to see how you stack up against the people around you. This can be positive and motivating, but it can also negatively impact self-esteem.

“In some cases, we upwardly compare [ourselves] to others,” Anjali Gowda Ferguson, PhD, LCP, a licensed clinical psychologist and trauma expert, previously told Well+Good, while in other cases “we might [downwardly] compare ourselves—that is, we compare to others worse-off than ourselves.”

A propensity to compare and despair is largely why Kristin Lee, a 26 year-old tutor and travel blogger, doesn’t use LinkedIn anymore. After graduating in June 2021, she used LinkedIn to apply for several positions but found the algorithmically generated information about how many other applicants applied—and the feature that tells you how you measure up to them—messed with her confidence, she says.

Lee stopped actively using the site last January. And while she briefly considered updating her page to reflect that she’s been tutoring and building her travel blog, she says she hasn’t had the courage, adding that there is something intimidating about sharing her success—or perceived lack thereof—on LinkedIn because it looks different than what she expected.

“We all know that on Instagram and Facebook people are posting the best versions of themselves, but it’s just a very brief moment and it’s more whimsical and not as serious,” she says. “But what you’re talking about [on LinkedIn] are things [like my career and school] that I’ve put a lot of time and effort into. It’s associated with your identity and who you are. You’re putting yourself out there to be judged, and it’s like, ‘Did I live up to your expectations?’’’

“It’s associated with your identity and who you are. You’re putting yourself out there to be judged, and it’s like, ‘Did I live up to your expectations?’”—Kristin Lee, 26, travel blogger

The highs and lows of your LinkedIn feed can create a rollercoaster of emotions

Going on LinkedIn can be jarring because it feels like a collection of high-highs and low-lows. For many (I received numerous responses to my inquiry about peoples’ experiences on LinkedIn for this story) the economic uncertainty of the past several years has meant their feeds are filled with posts from workers who’ve lost their jobs, interspersed with people who have new jobs or promotions, which creates this anxiety-producing experience where it seems like you should be able to thrive at work, even though you know the market is against you at the moment.

“Right now LinkedIn feels much more like a platform for being in your feelings, and it’s just tiring to filter through that.” —Natalie Cantave, 29, hiring manager

Among those affected by recent layoffs is Natalie Cantave, 29, who was let go from her startup job in December. She’d previously used LinkedIn both as an applicant and as a hiring manager, and didn’t find it stressful to use before. Although she just accepted a new role at the end of February, Cantave noticed a change in how using the platform felt when she was job-searching.

“Everything has just felt so heavy and I know it’s a social media platform, but especially for people who have experienced layoffs like myself and really want to be able to use it for finding opportunities, right now LinkedIn feels much more like a platform for being in your feelings, and it’s just tiring to filter through that,” she says.

Lee echoes this sentiment, saying that while LinkedIn users post about their career wins and losses, it feels like “it’s only the extreme ends of the spectrum like ‘I just got fired today,’ or you get, ‘Oh my god, I’m so excited to announce [a new job], and this is the greatest honor of my life.'” Both Lee and Cantave said seeing these posts so close together was stressful and made them anxious.

As widespread as some of this sentiment can be, it’s important to note that while layoffs are happening in white-collar sectors, like tech and media, they aren’t happening in large numbers to other workers. The unemployment rate for college graduates, for example, has hovered at around two percent over the last year.

But what we see influences our perception of reality, which is why setting boundaries around your social media consumption is so important.

How to protect your mental health while using LinkedIn

First off, try to remember that like many other social media platforms, LinkedIn profiles are curated and don’t show the full picture of someone’s life. Career coach Ashley Stahl cautions that everyone’s professional path has highs and lows, and you can’t be sure of where they are based on what they post for everyone to see.

So while LinkedIn can be a useful tool to network and search for jobs, Stahl advises using the platform in a targeted way and avoiding scrolling the feed. Instead, she recommends users looking to make connections join targeted professional groups and use the search bar to find contacts in specific industries and companies rather than wading through all the available information.

Here are a couple of other things you can do to make using LinkedIn better for your mental health.

Tailor your experience

Catherine Fisher, LinkedIn’s career expert, says you can fine tune your feed to be more relevant to you and hide posts or notifications that aren’t useful. You can also unfollow or mute people, companies, and hashtags.

Set parameters for your personal use

If you decide to keep using LinkedIn, create some guardrails for how you use it. Rather than doomscrolling the feed, make a plan for what you’re going to do on the site before you use it, do it, and sign off.

“If it’s really becoming a problem and you’re not waiting for some news [or a message], you can honestly take it off your phone and just check it on your computer when you feel up for it,” says Tracy Livecchi, LCSW, who also recommends emoving yourself from email lists and turning off or minimizing notifications.

Because LinkedIn is an important networking tool in her industry, Cantave still uses it, but mostly to reach out to others—she deleted the app off her phone, set usage time limits for herself (for example, she doesn’t use it on Fridays), and has been using other job boards like Pallet and ones specific to startups.

Stahl also recommends taking note of which features on the platform make you feel bad, naming the feeling, and making adjustments to your behaviors. Finally, if you feel like your LinkedIn mental health toll is still too high, don’t be afraid to disengage.

In professional settings, powerful questions can help people unlock their own best thinking, clarify their perspective, offer a path forward, introduce new options, or energize their outlook. And in almost every instance, I’ve found that asking is better than telling.

This lesson applies to my personal life, too. Asking better questions to everyone I know has made me a better partner, boss, sister, and friend. So I’ve developed a cheat code: a set of go-to questions to improve all the relationships in your life, backed by research and tested by professional question-askers like me.

4 executive coaching questions that stand to improve all of your relationships

1. How can I be most helpful right now?

As friends, partners, parents, co-workers, it’s a natural instinct to want to be helpful. When someone comes to you with a challenge or concern, of course you want to jump in with solutions, ideas, and advice. But as clinical psychologist Relly Nadler, PsyD, has pointed out, there are actually many reasons why someone might come to you.

For instance, someone might want to vent, share information, feel validated, brainstorm ideas together, or receive clear direction. So pausing to ask “How can I be most helpful right now?” early in a conversation affords a person the opportunity to ask for what they need.

You can only meet someone’s needs when you get curious and ask what those needs actually are.

When your kid comes to you with a low-scoring test, maybe they want to vent about how hard it was despite having studied, not brainstorm how to bring the grade up. And when an employee is having trouble with a project, they might just want you to validate their approach. Regardless of the specific scenario, you can only meet someone’s needs when you get curious and ask what those needs actually are.

2. What aspect of the problem is challenging you?

Psychologists refer to a cognitive bias called the false consensus effect, which is the incorrect assumption that other people are similar to us in any number of ways. We subconsciously believe that someone must enjoy the same things, struggle with the same challenges, and share the same experiences. But that belief is often squarely wrong.

Over drinks recently, a friend was venting to me about her busy schedule. My immediate takeaway for how she might improve her situation was to cut down on her social engagements and learn how to say “no!” As someone with more introverted tendencies, that’s how I would feel—but that’s me.

She let me know she actually feels more energized as a result of meeting up with friends. So, the life shift she felt would actually make things better for herself was figuring out a better dog-walker situation so she wouldn’t need to come home between activities. The key way this question stands to improve relationships is that it zeroes in on what aspect of a problem is tripping someone up.

3. This is what I’m hearing: [playback]. Is that right?

There are all kinds of reasons we misunderstand each other, which is a bummer, given that feeling heard both feels good and builds trust. By regularly playing back what you hear—repeating the key messages or emotions you’re hearing in a conversation and then checking to see if you understand correctly—you create a space where someone feels deeply understood.

Sometimes they’ll correct you, which is good! This means they’re able to add nuance or clear up confusion. Sometimes you’ll get it right on the first try, and that feels good, too. Particularly if you’re in a tough conversation where you don’t know what to say next, you can’t go wrong by simply pausing to mirror back what you’re hearing.

4. What else?

Short and sweet, “What else?” is a brilliant question to ask, because it invites someone to move beyond their comfort zone. If you’re brainstorming anything and ask “What else?” you force the person to push beyond their first (and most obvious) ideas.

This approach also works if you’re arguing. If you genuinely and kindly ask the other person, “What else do you want to make sure I hear?” then they really have to put it all out on the table. Generally speaking, if you’re looking for more depth in any relationship in your life, “What else?” is a valuable question to use because it pushes people to dig deeper.

Why you should start asking power questions to everyone in your life

Leaning on these questions has improved all of my relationships. When I ask questions, I meet people where they are, build trust, prevent miscommunication, and invite in more depth.

Not sold? To that, I have a few… well, questions:

• What about asking more, better, questions to improve your relationships is feeling hard for you, personally, right now?
• What else is hard about it?
• Based on those reflections, what’s one small thing you can try this week to make progress?

You’re defining how to use this idea—I’m just asking the questions.

A term coined by human-performance researcher and executive coach Brad Stulberg, author of The Practice of Groundedness, heroic individualism is “an ongoing game of oneupmanship against yourself and others, where, regardless of how far you make it, the goalpost is always 10 yards down the field, so it’s never enough,” he says. That mindset can quickly become self-sabotaging, leading you to strive for constant productivity at the expense of your present-day happiness and well-being.

What does heroic individualism look like in practice?

Stulberg came up with the phrase “heroic individualism” and the concept underlying it after seeing his executive-coaching clients and friends repeatedly achieve major goals but fail to acknowledge or appreciate them. He even recognized a similar tendency in himself, which led him to think more deeply about where the line falls between working hard with a healthy level of ambition and striving so relentlessly that you leave yourself unfulfilled in the process.

The warning signs that he’d fallen into the latter camp were clear when he assessed his mindset. “I felt like there was something that wasn’t burnout, and it wasn’t clinical anxiety or clinical depression, but it was more like this low-level chronic anxiety, a constant feeling of being rushed or like you’re never enough, and it’s just go, go, go at hyper-speed,” he says.

In himself and the other heroic individualists he identified, Stulberg also noticed the tendency to think, “If I just achieve the next goal [or milestone, or promotion], I’ll finally be fulfilled”—but even then, you’re only momentarily satisfied before you latch onto the next thing, he adds. “Overall, it leaves us feeling very frantic and frenetic.”

Even so, you may not realize that this heroic individualism is problematic if you’re deep in it. Thanks to hustle culture and the high value that our society places on productivity, there’s a perception that suffering and grinding alone in service of accomplishing a goal is always a good thing worthy of praise when really it has the potential to be damaging.

“Heroic individualism is an optimizing-at-all-costs mentality.” —Brad Stulberg, human-performance researcher and executive coach

“There’s this notion that you become a martyr by doing this, as if you’re a superhero,” says Stulberg, referencing the heroic part of the phrase. “It’s an optimizing-at-all-costs mentality.” The individualism then comes into play because, if you’re going to strive for such relentless self-optimization, “then you don’t really have time to develop relationships, even though we know it’s actually our relationships that most deeply fulfill us,” he says.

How heroic individualism can lead to stress and a lack of fulfillment

Similar to the experience of perfectionism, heroic individualism has the effect of putting success always just out of reach. With perfectionism, you’re constantly striving toward a literally un-reachable goal (aka perfection), whereas with heroic individualism, you’re constantly replacing an achieved goal with another new goal, such that you’re also never really at the finish line.

Again, that’s not to say that maintaining a consistent sense of ambition and something to work toward is a bad thing; it’s just that when you’re always setting new goals for success, you’ll find it tougher and tougher to recognize what you’ve already achieved. And when you can’t acknowledge those successes along the way, it’s easy to feel unworthy—which just reinforces the need to continue striving toward the next goal and the goal after that. The result is an endless cycle where you’re always stressed-out about achieving something, and yet, you’re never content once you actually achieve it.

The best way to combat this is to reorient success around the act of striving and the journey to a goal, rather than the destination. “If even 51 percent of your joy and fulfillment comes from the process, and the other 49 percent is from the achievement, you’re in good shape,” says Stulberg. The point is to make sure the first category weighs more heavily than the second; with heroic individualism, the balance is skewed in the opposite direction, he says, with at least 90 percent of your satisfaction being placed on the achievement itself and only about 10 percent on the process of getting there.

To shift that balance, Stulberg suggests practicing groundedness, which he breaks into six steps below.

6 steps to mitigate heroic individualism through groundedness

1. Accept your situation

This is about taking stock of what is actually happening in your life: Are there clear goals you’ve achieved or failed to achieve? How have others acknowledged your wins or struggles? Understanding your current reality doesn’t mean you have to be satisfied with it, says Stulberg. But slowing down to take stock is the only way to appreciate how far you’ve come and press pause on the tendency to just work, work, work toward the next thing, he says.

2. Focus on owning your attention

Part of getting grounded and resisting the pull of constant productivity is turning your focus onto yourself. This involves taking up behaviors that have no particular external goal and are just meant to be soothing or enjoying—for instance, a new hobby or self-care practice—and setting healthy boundaries to protect your ability to engage in them.

For example, if you’re going to meditate to relax instead of scrolling through emails in the evening, make sure that your coworkers know your sign-off time, and place your phone out of arm’s reach so that you’re less likely to be pulled away from your meditation by pings or dings.

3. Know that patience is key to success

If you’re stuck in the cycle of heroic individualism, it can feel like working more and working faster is always better. But, as the old adage goes, slow and steady wins the race—which means, you’re actually more likely to achieve goals by embracing the process, however long it might take, than by racing ahead with frantic, frenzied productivity.

“This is really about zooming out and playing the long game,” says Stulberg. “We get so caught up in acute, myopic thinking that we struggle to take that long view—but when we do, we give ourselves permission to behave in a way that’s more sustainable.”

4. Embrace vulnerability

In the effort to feel, again, like you’re always making strides toward the next bigger and better goal, it’s easy to lose sight of the fact that you’re a human—with flaws. While it may seem more efficient to charge forward as if you were a machine without pausing to address your natural vulnerabilities, or to act as if you are invincible, it’s not emotionally healthy or sustainable to do so, says Stulberg. It’s only by embracing your vulnerability that you can be comfortable in your own skin, as you are.

5. Build deep community

Part of the reason why it’s so essential to embrace your natural vulnerability, per the tip above, is that it allows you to connect deeply with others. And forming these supportive relationships—divorced from any achievements—is a direct antidote to heroic individualism, says Stulberg: It’s tough to fall into the individualist trap if you’re in deep community with others.

He adds that maintaining these kinds of relationships is what will ultimately help you feel fulfilled (in the way that no amount of striving after individual goals ever can). None of us are meant to figure it all out alone in this life—and we actually live longer when we can lean on the people around us.

6. Move your body

“Moving your body is one of the best ways to ground your mind,” says Stulberg, who qualifies that you certainly don’t have to be heroic about the form of movement you choose. If, for example, high-intensity workouts aren’t your thing, bypass the CrossFit classes or the marathon-training for something like a daily walk around the block, he says.

By turning your attention to your physical body, you can interrupt the “I must be productive” mental feedback loop (at least for a little bit). Plus, there’s ample research to show that the health benefits of physical activity extend to the mental and emotional realms.

Taken together, these steps can remove some of the pressure of achieving goal after goal, and help you find the balance between future-focused ambition and mindful presence. Perhaps no one sums it up better than Miley Cyrus: It really isn’t about how fast you get there or what’s waiting on the other side; it’s (sing it with me) the cliiimb.

According to research into the lives of those who report having little free time, the answer is: not much. Across all income levels, people who feel time-strapped (regardless of their actual schedules)—deemed by researchers to be time-poor or in time famine—are consistently shown to be less happy and more stressed than people who feel like they have enough time to do what they enjoy (and are considered time-rich or in time affluence).

Such results suggest, in literal semantics, that we should start thinking about time much like we do money, as a resource to be stockpiled and coveted and one with real power to enhance our well-being. From there, it only follows that, to be happier and healthier, we should pursue the luxury of spare time, rather than just going after the most money. Indeed, prioritizing time over money has been linked with greater subjective well-being, regardless of income.

Prioritizing time over money has been linked with greater subjective well-being, regardless of income.

That said, being able to pursue free time naturally requires some money. You’ll need enough to meet your basic needs, which researchers say generally happens with an annual income of $75,000, on average. After that point, however, the well-being benefit of having more money tapers off. And yet, because we’re conditioned to think that time equals money, we continue to invest more time in the pursuit of wealth, says psychologist Laurie Santos, PhD, host of The Happiness Lab podcast and professor of Yale’s popular happiness course, The Science of Well-Being. In other words, getting money-rich is making us time-poor—which could leave us feeling worse off overall.

Why does being in time famine decrease happiness and well-being?

If you’ve ever felt the pressure of not having enough hours in the day to do what you need to do, much less what you want to do, you know firsthand the impact of time famine. Spending the majority of the day trying to just make it through your to-do list without ever feeling like you have the time to take a break can cause stress and burnout, both of which can diminish mental health.

Part of the reason why a time-strapped state of being is so taxing is because of how it interferes with our ability to effectively prioritize, says Julie Frumin, LMFT, life-balance counselor at the Center for Health & Wellbeing at Four Seasons Westlake Village. “When we feel like we don’t have enough time, we’re not as capable of pursuing multiple goals in order of their importance because we’re not as introspective and we can’t listen to our bodies as well.” Indeed, research has shown that time-poor people are also less likely to engage in health activities (like eating nutritiously and exercising), which are known to support happiness and well-being.

In the process of hurrying from one task to the next, “we also miss opportunities to connect with others,” says psychiatrist Gabriella Rosen Kellerman, MD, chief innovation officer at virtual coaching platform BetterUp and co-author of TOMORROWMIND. “Because connection is essential for well-being, any mindset that works against it will decrease well-being.”

Just as we bypass supportive social opportunities, we’re also less likely to volunteer to help others when we’re time-famished. To explain why, Frumin cites an experiment from the 1970s, in which social scientists John Darley and Daniel Batson told 40 students at the Princeton Theological Seminary that they’d be giving a sermon on the topic of the Good Samaritan in a room across campus. What the students didn’t know is that they’d encounter a person who appeared to need help on the way (an actor set up by the researchers). The catch? One group was told they were already late and should hurry; another group was told that they should head right over; and the last group was told to head over, but that there was no rush to get there.

“Being in a hurry can cause us not to direct our focus outward or even consider the world at large.” —Julie Frumin, LMFT, therapist

As it turned out, the different ways in which the theology students were primed to think about their time had a significant impact on whether they stopped to help the “victim”—despite the fact that they were literally about to give a sermon on the topic of helping people in need. While 63 percent of the students in no rush stopped to help, just 45 percent of those in the “head over now” group and 10 percent of those in the “you’re already late” group did the same.

“Being in a hurry can cause us not to direct our focus outward or even consider the world at large and whether we might help somebody in distress,” says Frumin, “and yet, those acts of kindness are known to help us feel considerably better.”

If time famine is so bad for well-being, how did we even wind up here?

You might think we all just have more stuff to do these days and less time to do it, putting us in a perpetual state of feeling like there aren’t enough hours in the day. But time-diary studies suggest we have more discretionary time these days. What the experts suspect is causing our current sense of time famine is the pursuit of status—which, in this country, is defined largely by productivity, busyness, and, yes, money.

“We’ve developed this mindset that what we do and achieve is what makes us worthy,” says Frumin. “When we start to feel ‘less than,’ the behavior that comes out of that is to push, push, push and be continually busy, as opposed to considering, ‘Well, what if I was enough as is? Then, what would I do to fill my time?’”

The answer to that question may be any number of “just because” activities that bring joy, like taking long lunches or midday naps, having conversations with friends, daydreaming, going for a walk, and so on. But within our so-called cult of productivity, such behaviors are consistently devalued in favor of busyness.

The influence of technology on our time can also make it feel as if there’s always something you could or should be doing, further contributing to a state of time famine. “There’s this feeling of, ‘I need to just check one more email’ or ‘I have to just reply to this ping right now,’ and it can feel satisfying to do that, but it’s more of a compulsion than something we’re consciously choosing,” says Dr. Kellerman. And the more compelled we feel to engage with these different demands on our attention, the more it can feel like there’s just not enough time for it all.

How to have more time affluence, no matter how busy you are

1. Do a time audit and consider what tasks are taking up outsize time

Time famine is about feeling like you don’t have enough time to do things you enjoy—not necessarily having a packed calendar. But naturally, those two things often do go hand-in-hand, and for people who have objectively busier schedules and more work and life responsibilities, achieving time affluence could require some actual time management.

The first step to that is figuring out how you’re currently using every bit of time that you have by doing what Frumin calls a time audit. “What that can look like is, over the span of a couple work days, every half hour, have a timer go off on your phone, and write down what you did during that half hour,” she says. “Looking back over it can offer a lot of insight into just how much time you’re spending doing certain activities and whether some things might be taking up more of your time than they’re worth.”

Just having that information can help you figure out whether there are certain time-sucks you can reduce or eliminate from your calendar.

2. Buy back time by outsourcing tasks you don’t like

If feeling like you have more time to do what you love is a better predictor of happiness than having more money, then it would follow that one of the best uses of any disposable money is to buy…time. “Studies show that people who spend money to get more free time are often happier than those who don’t,” says Dr. Santos. And by that, she means paying money to spare yourself from time-consuming tasks—for example, paying someone to clean your home, walk your dog, or babysit your kid; spending money on takeout to save the time it would’ve taken you to cook; spending more on rent so you can spend less time commuting, and so on.

“Studies show that people who spend money to get more free time are often happier than those who don’t.” —Laurie Santos, PhD, psychologist and happiness researcher

While this is certainly easier to do for those who have more disposable income, the concept applies in low-value scenarios, too. For example, if you just have $25 extra to spend in a month, can you use it to pay your neighbor’s kid to mow your lawn (and give yourself back an hour of time) rather than to buy a material item?

Frumin also suggests leaning on your community to outsource certain tasks at zero cost, in exchange for offering to do the same in return. For instance, could another parent at your child’s school pick up your kid one day and bring them to an after-school activity? Even that single task could grant you back an hour of time for something you want to do—and every bit of discretionary time contributes to your overall sense of time affluence.

3. Be deliberate with the time you buy yourself

Part of the reason why time-saving purchases like ordering takeout or paying for a house cleaner have been shown to boost happiness in the study above isn’t just because they reduce the number of to-dos on your agenda; they can also restore your sense of agency over your time. But you have to claim that agency by recognizing the extra time you’ve bought yourself and being deliberate about how you use it.

That’s to say, if you get takeout and then just use the time you would’ve spent cooking by answering emails or doing some other need-to-do task, you’re not going to feel any greater sense of time affluence. But if you choose, instead, to view the time you’ve gained by ordering takeout as an opportunity to do something you enjoy or that reflects a personal value, like reading or taking a walk or meditating, you’ll certainly wind up feeling more time-rich.

That’s because, as tough as it can be to recognize for the constantly time-famished, time affluence is as much a mindset as it is a reality. “You can have two people who have exactly the same schedule and exactly the same responsibilities, and one lives in time affluence and one lives in time famine,” says Dr. Kellerman. The point is, time affluence isn’t just about how much objective free time you have; it’s about how you perceive it and what you do with it, she says.

4. Make good use of “time confetti”

Sure, you may not have ample free time within reach or much discretionary income to buy it. But what everyone has from time and again is something that Dr. Santos calls time confetti: those little pockets of free time that we find ourselves with throughout the day, for instance, when a meeting ends a few minutes early or you arrive a few minutes early to an appointment. As the name implies, these bits of time are a gift, and making good use of them as such—not to be productive, but to do something you want to do—can support your sense of time affluence.

“Rather than using those five minutes when the Zoom meeting ends early to check your email, use it to call a friend, take a deep breath, or even do a quick meditation,” Dr. Santos suggests.

Whatever you choose to do, make sure it’s a deliberate choice of something you’ll enjoy. The point is to see this time confetti as usable time for you, rather than to see it as time to kill or as time that you need to devote to your to-do list.

5. Give some of your time to others

Right now, you’re reading this thinking: But I already feel time-pressed…why should I give time away? But the paradox is, giving time to others has been shown to increase a person’s sense of time affluence, says Dr. Kellerman.

In a study analyzing how different behaviors affect time affluence, people who gave time to others experienced more time affluence than those who were instructed to waste the same amount of time, those who used the time on themselves, and even those who were given a time windfall. As for why? The researchers suspect that offering up your time to someone in need increases your sense of self-efficacy, making you feel like you accomplished a lot with the time, and in turn, that you have more time to spare (even if that’s objectively not true).

Dr. Kellerman also speculates that when we’re spending time helping someone, we’re acting from a place of generosity, which puts us in a different frame of mind—one that’s more connected to our values and what really matters to us and less worried about checking a task off a list. “From that viewpoint, it’s easier to see that so many things that perhaps you thought you needed to get done in a particular day don’t actually have to happen, and you can afford to spend some of your time on things that you know your most centered self would want.”

To start, career coach Ashley Stahl, author of You Turn: Get Unstuck, Discover Your Direction, and Design Your Dream Career, suggests reframing the way you approach a job listing. It’s common to focus on the skills listed in the job description and to consider whether you could do the job. Flipping that script to instead focus on your main strength and searching for listings that fit it can lead job seekers to more effective job searches and ultimately land in roles that are a good fit.

“It’s not about ‘What is the role?’ It’s about ‘What is the skill set, and what are the roles that best lend themselves to that skill set?'” Stahl says. “These 10 core skill sets are a general direction that people can use to give them a sense of where they are and where to look in their career.”

Here’s how it works: Rather than focus on making yourself appealing to hiring managers for available jobs, Stahl wants you to drill down on the skill you’re best at doing. It could be writing, or analyzing, or being in motion, or coordinating, for several examples. Then, you’d keep that in mind as a check when you evaluate opportunities.

“It’s not about ‘What is the role?’ It’s about ‘What is the skill set, and what are the roles that best lend themselves to that skill set?'”—Ashley Stahl, career coach and author

Do keep in mind, though, that some jobs may be a good fit for several types of skill sets. For example, one psychologist who is talented at communicating with patients may lead with words (one of the core skill sets), but another may be just as successful performing the same job in a different way, with more analysis (another core skill set).

While you may look at the list of 10 core skill sets for the best job fit below and identify with several, Stahl says people tend to really lead with one. Doing some introspection will help you figure out which one that is. Read on to learn about the core skill sets, and then get intel about how to move forward with whatever best resonates.

The 10 core skill sets, and possible jobs connected with each

1. Words

These people are skilled at using written and spoken words. Think: speakers, writers, content strategists, editors, and others who work in communications fields.

2. Innovation

People who want to build new, transformative entities lead with this skill. Stahl says this includes entrepreneurs, who want autonomy to build their own thing, and “intrapreneurs” who are content building upon someone else’s vision.

3. Building

With this skill, “the way you’re using your mind needs to be through the lens of building,” Stahl says. This can include people who physically build something, like a construction worker. Or perhaps web developers who build programs and code.

4. Technology

People with this skill set get excited when fixing or creating new technology, and anything that has to do with technology “just makes complete sense to them,” Stahl says.

5. Motion

This skill means reflects someone who likes moving throughout the day and tends to be on their feet. It could include people in the athletic field, or someone who is very physical, like a massage therapist or a physical trainer. Other jobs that a “motion” person might consider are flight attendants and tour guides.

6. Service

Those who lead with this skill want to help others. Roles that would suit someone with this skill set include counselors, social workers, customer-service workers, hospitality workers, and teachers.

7. Coordination

This skill set centers on handling details big and small and executing, Stahl says. Think: office or project management, event planner, logistics, and other types of administration roles.

8. Analysis

This skill is all about dissecting and analyzing information and answering questions to achieve an outcome. Think: doctors, lawyers, intelligence analysts, and researchers.

9. Numbers

Numbers make perfect sense to the people who lead with this skill set, and their best job fits tend to deal with money. Think: bankers, accountants, and financial analysts. There may also be overlap with analysis, Stahl says.

10. Beauty

This core skill set is for those who “want to make art of the world around them,” Stahl says. This can include artists, photographers, food stylists, and graphic designers.

3 tips to help you determine your core skill set

1. Solicit feedback from trusted colleagues, friends, and family

Trusted co-workers and loved ones can be a great sounding board for figuring out where in life you excel. But Stahl warns that listening to the advice of others can be a “slippery slope” to clouding your sense of what you want. You are the one who will ultimately need to do the investigative work behind their answers. Ask them when they’ve seen you at your best in general and professionally, and take the answers with a grain of salt.

2. Keep a joy journal

Some self-reflection through writing can be illuminating. Stahl advises keeping a “joy journal” for 30 days, which involves writing down the times and activities when you’ve felt your best and most fulfilled. Put aside a bit of time each day to add to it. After that period, look through your notes for patterns to help you identify your core skill set for jobs.

3. Examine your past jobs

Look for patterns in your résumé regarding what you enjoyed most and were best at doing in your past positions. Stahl, for example, used to work at a preschool and found that she was at ease correcting grammar in the school’s marketing materials. It was an early indication of her core skill set of writing.

How to use your core skill set to find work that truly aligns with you

If you’re looking for a job or career shift

Stahl recommends using your skill set as a guide when looking at new positions. Keep it in mind as you analyze postings to see what the the job will entail. Having this information in your back pocket can also inspire forays into new-to-you industries and serve as a guide during a career shift.

In your current position

You don’t need to be on the job hunt to use the core skill sets for jobs. If you’re happy with where you work but feel positions in other departments that align better with your core skill, it’s worth a conversation with a manager or higher-up about moving teams, Stahl says.

If that’s not possible, Stahl recommends job crafting. This way, you can create ways to utilize your core skill set more directly within your position. “It’s really taking initiative in the job you have and the skill set that’s your core and coming up with projects in that arena…you start to force yourself to get that [core skill set] experience at your job, even if you’re not working in your zone of genius,” she says.

Though the term “quiet hiring” is new, the concept isn’t novel, according to Shonna Waters, PhD, vice president of alliance solutions at virtual coaching platform BetterUp. “It refers to any top-down management of the workforce, where leaders are shifting people into different jobs, or just different projects or initiatives in order to meet needs,” she says. “Or, it could refer to hiring temps in strategic ways, where the company might have traditionally just hired people into full-time roles.” This type of largely internal re-jiggering is something that she says “has always happened in times of economic downturn and uncertainty, where company needs are going unmet or new ones are emerging.”

Quiet hiring helps companies meet outstanding needs without actually hiring.

But it’s important to know that quiet hiring isn’t always an omen of trouble to come. “There’s a very big distinction between employees learning new roles or taking on stretch assignments when an organization can’t get the talent it needs from the labor market [à la quiet hiring], and organizations redeploying their workforce because roles are being eliminated,” says Emily Rose McRae, senior director of research at Gartner and head of the Future of Work research team. “While redeployment involves business leaders shutting down an area of the company, often to the point that they cannot accommodate all impacted employees, quiet hiring typically looks like a temporary reassignment.”

While it’s arranged for the continued success of the company, such a reassignment has the potential to benefit the employee, too. Indeed, in a recent poll of more than 1,100 workers conducted by career site Monster, 70 percent of respondents reported viewing quiet hiring as an opportunity to try a new role and gain new skills. Whether quiet hiring could prove similarly beneficial for you depends on a few factors, including why, exactly, you’re being reassigned and how you go about shifting into that role.

What is driving companies to “quiet hire” now?

Essentially, companies are being forced to do the same amount of work with fewer resources to hire, says Celia Balson, founder and CEO of human-resources consulting agency Work Friendly. Quiet hiring, in its purest sense, allows these companies to solve for key needs without expending the resources necessary to bring new people into the fold.

After all, some of the skills they so desperately need could very well exist within their ranks. For example, let’s say you have both product-design and social-media skills, and you’re in a social-media role. And suddenly, there’s a much bigger business need at your company for product design but limited resources available to hire. It’s likely the most resourceful option to quietly hire you into the design role. In that way, part of what’s driving quiet hiring is a desire among leaders to better optimize for both existing talent and key organizational needs, says Dr. Waters.

“Organizations are getting flatter, skills are becoming obsolete, and new needs are emerging all the time.” —Shonna Waters, PhD, vice president of alliance solutions at BetterUp

At the same time, the “Great Resignation” of the past couple years has created significant pressure on companies to retain employees, says Dr. Waters, “and we know that career-development opportunities are consistently cited as one of the top drivers of retention.” Traditionally, companies have gone about this by defining a career ladder and handing out regular promotions to move people up the rungs—but that’s getting tougher and tougher to do in the current workplace climate, says Dr. Waters. “Organizations are getting flatter, jobs are changing rapidly, skills are becoming obsolete, and new needs are emerging all the time.”

Quiet hiring, Dr. Waters suspects, may be a modern solution: By proposing a new role or version of a role to an existing employee, you could theoretically give them a new reason to stay and eventually grow with the company. “Oftentimes, employees themselves want to diversify their skills to broaden their skill sets and sharpen their knowledge,” says McRae.

What are the upsides and downsides of quiet hiring for you?

The most obvious upside is the potential for growth. “While being asked to move into a completely new role at your organization might feel daunting at first, it presents you with new opportunities to learn and expand your skills,” says LinkedIn career expert Andrew McCaskill. “Our research shows that learning new skills is one of the top priorities for workers today, and moving into new roles within an organization can keep employees there longer.”

The shift also gives you the chance to prove to your employer that you’re willing to take on new or more senior responsibilities “in an effort to best support the company’s success,” says Balson. And in a workplace landscape dominated by quiet quitting, leaders understand now more than ever that any kind of additional work put in by employees isn’t to be expected for free. This puts you in a good position to leverage any new role for extra pay, benefits, training, resources, or other perks.

Naturally, a downside to quiet hiring is that you could be shifted into a role you don’t like or one that you’re not well-equipped to do, given your time or talents. Indeed, of the 80 percent of respondents to the Monster survey who reported being quietly hired, half of them said that their new role was not aligned with their skill set. But according to McRae, since the change is in service of the organization’s success and it’s in their best interest to retain you, you do have the bargaining power to advocate for whatever it is you need to succeed in the new role (more on how to do that below).

The other downside, however, could come in how companies choose people to quietly hire. “Many employers are still going to look to those employees who they deem to have a lot of ‘potential’ to take on these new roles,” says executive coach and DEI strategic advisor Brooks E. Scott, “and often in the workplace, people from non-majority groups are the ones that people in majority groups overlook when the perception of ‘potential’ comes into play.” As a result, the overall success of quiet hiring hinges on both employees advocating for what they need to succeed and employers creating an equitable way to assign new opportunities, he says.

How to make the most of being quietly hired into a new position

1. Consider it an opportunity to assess your career trajectory

Change can be a vessel for growth even (often, especially) if it feels frightening. “We tend to become creatures of habit, and we get comfortable with what we’re doing or where we think we’re headed, which makes it easy to view quiet hiring as a deficit or a threat off the bat,” says Dr. Waters.

Instead, approach the need for change as a chance to take a new and exciting path, perhaps one that may be even more in alignment with what you actually want to achieve. “If you’re being quietly hired, use this juncture to create some space for reflection and assess your mindset,” says Dr. Waters. “Consider what skills and experiences are important to you and whether there might be ways to get the value that you want out of this role.”

If those upsides aren’t imminently apparent, shift your outlook to the next nine to 12 months or even beyond, says Scott, and “consider how you might leverage the opportunity that’s being proposed to you now in order to build your career in the future.”

2. Get clarity on *all* the details of the job change

In any quiet hiring scenario, it’s essential to understand exactly what is being asked of you. This will help you avoid agreeing to work that is beyond your scope without sufficient support, and will also put you in a good position to discuss and negotiate with leadership.

That means having a candid conversation with your manager to get a clear picture of the new role or responsibilities, whether this will be a permanent change or a temporary one (and if the latter, how long), how you’ll be compensated or recognized for it, how your success will be measured, and how the shift will impact your future performance reviews, says Dr. Waters. This information will help you determine whether you can really thrive in the new role and use it to your advantage.

3. Enforce work-life boundaries to avoid taking on too much

“Quiet hiring should not be a recipe for burnout,” says McRae. If an organization is actually just shifting around talent to best optimize for current business needs, no one should wind up with disproportionately more work than they had before. Not to mention, that outcome would just make the company even more vulnerable; if they already can’t hire the usual way, they certainly don’t want to lose additional employees to overwhelm.

“If you’re being asked to take on more responsibility, you should also be mindful to ask what will be taken off your plate.” —Emily Rose McRae, senior director of research, Gartner

That’s all to say, “if you’re being asked to take on more responsibility, you should also be mindful to ask what will be taken off your plate,” says McRae. Ensuring your workload is feasible in this way is a key part of maintaining your work boundaries—which shouldn’t shift just because your responsibilities shift. If that does start to happen (for example, you find yourself responding to pings at 9 p.m. despite having a boundary to end your workday at 6 p.m.), that is a sign that you need to re-negotiate the new opportunity with your manager.

4. Advocate for whatever you would need to thrive in the role

Business leaders now know that employees won’t necessarily agree to step up (or step over) into a new role for nothing. “If your company is acknowledging that they are placing you into a new position, then they are also acknowledging that you’re going to need some things to be successful,” says Scott. One of those things might be more money—which you can absolutely ask for, if the position is more senior, requires more responsibilities, or involves you learning a new skill(s), says McRae.

If a pay raise is a no-go, you still have two key fallbacks: Your first, says Dr. Waters, is to ask, at what point in time that can be reconsidered, whether it’s on an annual or semi-annual cycle (or otherwise), or if there are particular business criteria that you need to hit, so you know when to expect more compensation in the future. And your second is to ask “what learning and development opportunities the company can fund in order to boost your chances of success in the role,” adds Dr. Waters, “whether that’s a training program or certification you can do, conferences you can attend, or other things of that nature.”

Because the learning curve for a new role can take time, also set a schedule with your manager for regular feedback to be sure you know whether you’re headed in the right direction or if things are veering off course and you need some extra support, says Dr. Waters.

5. Propose an alternative solution before giving an outright “no”

While you may certainly choose to leave your company if the new arrangement seems like a bad fit (even after reflecting on how you could leverage it), that isn’t your only recourse. With some tactical negotiating, you may be able to keep your current role.

Dr. Waters recommends discussing the situation with your manager, and seeing if you might help them and the organization better problem-solve for the need at hand. “You might say, ‘You know what? That [new position] isn’t really my sweet spot, but I think this other person actually has a great interest in this,’ or ‘I think we have a contractor resource that may be able to help with this,’ or ‘What if we break up this role among me and a couple other employees?’” she says. Offering up these alternatives is an act of goodwill, which could earn you the same in return.

Consider a time when you had to put your brain to real focus—say, in puzzling through a difficult problem at work or helping a friend with a relationship dilemma. You likely paid a good deal of attention, not just because you were engaged, but also because you were challenged. In researching how we respond not only to things that engage us differently but also that challenge us differently, psychologist Gloria Mark, PhD, author of the just-released Attention Span: Finding Focus and Fighting Distraction, created a new frame for the different types of attention: focused, rote, frustrated, or bored.

“Just being engaged in something isn’t sufficient to characterize how our attention functions.” —Gloria Mark, PhD, psychologist

“It occurred to me that just being engaged in something isn’t sufficient to characterize how our attention functions,” says Dr. Mark. “Sometimes we’re engaged in something that’s hard and takes a lot of effort, like writing a report at work, and other times, we can be really engaged in something that’s not at all challenging, like a simple phone game.” And the amount of time and energy that we’re capable of or willing to invest in either thing will vary widely, she adds.

Below, Dr. Mark shares how different scenarios manifest as one of the four types of attention and offers strategies for maximizing your time spent in focus mode.

What do the four types of attention look like in practice?

1. Focus: high engagement, high challenge

What you might think of as being focused on a task—flexing your mental resources and chugging along productively as a result—is precisely how this type of attention feels. “Focus represents a temporal state when a person feels absorbed in an activity, and the activity requires some degree of challenge to their skill set,” says Dr. Mark.

This might be the case when you’re completing a project at work, building a piece of furniture, or brainstorming ideas with friends. Generally, this state of attention correlates with feeling motivated, concentrated, and creative, says Dr. Mark, adding that it’s a precondition to entering what you might call “flow”—or “feeling deeply creative, unaware of the passage of time, and optimally using your skills,” she says. But arriving at that point isn’t easy; being in and maintaining a focused state of mind “costs a lot of cognitive resources,” says Dr. Mark, “hence the phrase, paying attention.” And as a result, it’s not actually possible to be in focus all the time, nor is it a healthy idea to try (more on that below).

2. Rote: high engagement, low challenge

This is the attentional state where you’re fully absorbed in something and can stay that way for a long time without it ever requiring much mental effort. (Cue the Candy Crush or TikTok mind-numb from above.) “Rote activity is mechanical and routine,” says Dr. Mark. “For example, you might be very engaged in a game of solitaire, making choices easily or effortlessly, or you might be scrolling through Twitter without expending much energy.”

This type of attention uses much fewer cognitive resources than focus, which explains why you could continue paying attention to TikTok for hours without feeling the slightest bit exhausted, whereas spending the same amount of time doing work would leave you drained.

3. Frustrated: low engagement, high challenge

Perhaps the task at hand is so difficult that you just can’t seem to engage with it—and no amount of trying to focus is proving helpful. Dr. Mark exemplifies this type of attention, frustrated, as “the software developer who’s really struggling to solve a bug.”

“Frustrated attention is when you feel like you’re banging your head against a wall and not making any progress,” she says. “You find the activity difficult, but for one reason or another, you cannot give it up and move on—perhaps because you have a deadline to meet, you’re required by your manager to work on it, or you have some inner desire to finish it.” As you continue to remain in that frustrated state, you use up a lot of cognitive resources, much like you would if you were in a focused state.

4. Bored: low engagement, low challenge

Boredom conjures the scenario in which you’re only able to think about how slowly time is passing—and that’s exactly how Dr. Mark describes the bored attentional state: Perhaps you’re surfing the internet, moving from site to site and barely sticking around long enough to read a few sentences. Or maybe you’re flipping through TV channels quicker than they can even load because nothing seems to catch your interest. “Boring activities just don’t provide much stimulation, making it difficult to concentrate on them,” she says.

The exact opposite of being focused, being bored actually underuses your available cognitive resources, meaning you have brain power but nothing to put it toward. That’s why time seems to crawl: “The only place to invest those spare mental resources [when you’re bored] is thinking about how much time is left before the activity is over,” says Dr. Mark.

Why it can feel so tough to stay in the focused state

Of the different types of attention, focus is the ideal state for being productive and creative, and for feeling satisfied. But even if you could find enough highly engaging, highly challenging activities to fill your full day, you would eventually drain your cognitive resources with all that focus. “We have a limited capacity of attentional or mental resources in the same way that we have a limited physical capacity,” says Dr. Mark. “You can’t focus for an entire day in the same way that you can’t lift weights all day.”

That’s why it’s actually a good thing to spend some time in the lower-lift types of attention (rote, bored). This gives your brain a much-needed break and an opportunity to replenish some of those attentional resources.

“When you’re in a rote or bored state, the mind is open for distraction.” —Dr. Mark

The only problem is, those low-challenge attentional states make you prone to distraction. “People often think that you can be really focused on something, and then along comes a distraction to pull you away, but really, the reverse is often true,” says Dr. Mark. “It’s when you’re already in a rote or bored state that the mind is open for distraction.”

The solution? Working just enough breaks into an otherwise focused day to avoid draining your mental resources—but also structuring those breaks in a way that cuts your risk of distraction.

3 tips to gain control of your attention and improve your focus

1. Practice meta-awareness to identify your attention rhythm

Just like your physical energy fluctuates throughout the day, so, too, does your mental capacity. And tuning into when you tend to feel most focused can help you figure out how to organize your day in terms of work times and break times, says Dr. Mark. “Typically, people will have a period of peak focus in the late morning and/or mid-afternoon, but there are also individual differences,” she says. Those can be influenced by your chronotype, how much sleep you’ve been getting, whether you’re multitasking (which drains cognitive resources more quickly), and how many responsibilities are on your current plate.

To determine when you might be best equipped to focus and when you might need to switch to a less demanding attentional state, Dr. Mark suggests practicing what she calls meta-awareness, or bringing your actions into your conscious awareness, so you can better evaluate them.

This looks like checking in with yourself and asking questions like, “How long have I been focusing on this task?”, “Am I still getting value from working on this?” and “Do I feel like I have the mental energy to continue, or do I feel drained?” she suggests. The more you ask yourself, the more aware you’ll become of when it makes sense for you to take breaks in order to conserve your mental resources and preserve your ability to continue focusing later.

2. Do a rote activity during your breaks

In an ideal world, your breaks from work would include going outside and taking a walk in nature, says Dr. Mark; research shows that even a short amount of time spent in nature (including urban green spaces) may help enhance mood and alleviate attention fatigue, whereas longer periods of time in nature can even improve creative reasoning.

That said, it’s likely not feasible for you to take a walk in nature each time you need a break from focus, which is why Dr. Mark suggests, instead, using shorter breaks for specific rote activities. “This might sound contrary to popular workplace advice, where you’ll hear experts tell you to stay away from mindless games or activities during the workday,” she says. “But if you use rote attention strategically, you can actually help yourself replenish your attentional resources.”

That means turning to brief rote activities, like a simple crossword puzzle, a word game on your phone, or, yes, a few minutes of scrolling TikTok or Instagram—with a safety measure in place to prevent the accidental rabbit hole (see the tip below). “These kinds of activities keep the mind lightly engaged but don’t require much in the way of cognitive energy, which allows for some functional restoration,” says Dr. Mark.

3. Create ‘hooks’ to pull yourself out of breaks and back into focus

Because you run a higher risk of distraction whenever you enter a rote attentional state during one of your breaks, it’s essential to put measures in place to avoid getting sidetracked for too long. Dr. Mark calls these things “hooks” because they’re designed to pull you out of the rote state and remind you to re-enter focus.

In practice, this can be a meeting, call, or other calendar reminder scheduled for five to 10 minutes after the start of your designated break, explains Dr. Mark: “For example,” she says, “I knew you were calling me at 11:30 a.m., and I felt like I needed a mental break before hopping on, so five minutes before, I started playing an anagram game on my phone, allowing my mind to wander. This way, your call was the hook that I knew would pull me out.” Knowing there’s something that’ll remind you to stop the rote activity before you get distracted can also help you engage in it more freely, she adds, allowing you to reap the full cognitive benefit of taking a break in the first place.

To be clear, I’m not against this idea, but the phrase is commonly used but seldom explained. Even I’m guilty of this in my work as an anti-burnout speaker and expert. So what does giving yourself grace mean?

You likely have heard the so-called golden rule: “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” In my opinion, giving yourself grace is all about the reverse: Do unto yourself as you do unto others. Or in other words, practice self-compassion—aka having understanding, acceptance, and forgiveness of yourself. This looks like being realistic, flexible, and honest about your bandwidth, energy, and interest.

All that said, what does giving yourself grace mean in a real-world context? How do you practice it? Here are some ways I recommend practicing it this month (and beyond):

4 tangible ways to give yourself grace this month (and every month)

1. Say no to perfectionism

Giving yourself grace starts with addressing perfectionism. This trait is often defined as the need to be or appear perfect or the belief that perfection is possible. It’s not always a bad thing, but taken too far, perfectionism can be a huge obstacle to happiness. Research shows that perfectionistic concerns (when you feel others are imposting too-high standards on you, and you worry about making mistakes) are associated with workaholism and burnout. These thought patterns are often driven by fear that we won’t be accepted or respected if things don’t turn out perfectly.

We all make mistakes and stumble—it’s part of life—and reframing failure enables us to grow stronger instead of letting slip-ups define us negatively over time. Viewing experiences from a different angle can help you become more resilient and less likely to trip up on the same things in the future.

Ask probing questions to help turn negative energy into something constructive: What did I learn? How can I better prepare for similar events? Investigating beyond failure offers valuable insight into the future.

When we feel overwhelmed, we often fall back into behaviors that don’t serve us. If you find yourself falling back into perfectionist habits, take five minutes and ask yourself what “success” really looks like for the moment, the week, or the project overall.

2. Give yourself credit and a reward

There can be so many competing demands that it’s easy to forget to appreciate the journey. Life is full of highs and lows; when we focus solely on achieving big goals, we can miss out on celebrating smaller accomplishments along the way. Plus, sharing wins with others can be a good reminder that you aren’t alone in this journey.

Each day brings achievements that can be recognized. They can come from any area in life. There are tangible milestones like completing a project at work, receiving an award or certification, and improving your health. But don’t overlook intangible successes like enforcing your boundaries or taking a short break to recharge.

Create a habit of daily reflection and jot down these wins every night before bedtime or try a prompt-filled journal as an easy-to-use guide. The best part is every win is one more reason to treat yo’ self. Small daily incentives can help keep motivation high as you save special celebrations for your big accomplishments.

3. Press mute on negative self-talk

Negative thinking is an internal dialogue that creates an inaccurate view of reality. It can limit personal growth, sabotage success, and add unnecessary stress to life—especially when it spirals out of control to dominate your brain space. The hard part is that it can be hard to spot when it’s already ingrained in our thinking patterns.

One way to start overcoming this is by challenging your own thoughts and beliefs. It may sound daunting, but it starts with monitoring your inner dialogue for harmful things such as: “I can’t do this,” “This will never work,” or “No one likes me anyway.”

Once identified, replace these responses with more supportive ones, such as: “This might take me some time but I will succeed,” “How could I make this enjoyable?” and “People are just different from each other.” Challenging and then reframing these thoughts with more positive self-talk can help give you a new perspective, increase your self-confidence, and improve your mental and emotional state.

4. Say no to something

As we get ready for the year, there are a lot of conversations around 2023 goals—but often limited discussion on the items coming off the list. Whether it’s saying “no” or “not now,” this is the perfect time to plan more time for yourself.

Special note for my fellow entrepreneurs, you deserve to say no or not now to things too. Reassess your goals for next year with a more realistic, compassionate framing for yourself and your team.

What is an introvert?

As a refresher, introverts generally treasure their alone time, are less motivated than others by external rewards, consider their message before speaking, and prefer one-on-one interactions to group outings. “An introverted person would rather spend more time in their own head with their own ideas and thoughts, rather than join in on what is happening externally around them,” says s recruiter and career coach AJ Vollmoeller, president and owner of Future Force Staffing & Career Services.

If this only sort of sounds like you, keep in mind that these are only broad-strokes traits of what it means to be an introvert. That’s because there are four introvert subcategories, and knowing with which you most identify can be helpful for identifying which of the careers for introverts are best suited for you.

Which of the 4 introvert types best describes you?

In 2011, psychologist and researcher Jonathan Cheek, PhD, named four introversion subgroups: social introversion, anxious introversion, thinking introversion, and restrained introversion. The differences between each essentially highlights why you’re introverted, which is super-important for making professional decisions.

“Knowing what type of introvert you are is key for finding the best-fitting job environment possible,” says clinical psychologist Carla Marie Manly, PhD. “Increased self-awareness is empowering and allows for greater overall discernment as to what is helpful and supportive and what is not. Knowing the specific strengths and sensitivities that are part of each type of introversion allows introverts to select a career and work environment that is as tailor-made to their unique needs as possible.”

4 Types of Introverts

For your consideration, the four types of introverts go as follows:

1. Social introvert

This is the classic picture of an introvert—a wallflower who keeps to themselves, but is open to occasional social interactions. “A social Introvert doesn’t mind joining in on what’s happening externally around them, but only in small doses and preferably in smaller more intimate settings,” says Vollmoeller, who you may also recognize from Married at First Sight. They operate happily alone, and really bask in “me time.” For social introverts, canceled plans are a blessing, not a curse. While that doesn’t mean they’re unfriendly or even shy, it does mean that working on a team is not a job’s selling point.

2. Anxious introvert

The main difference between social introverts and anxious introverts is the clear delineation of, well, social anxiety. Anxious introverts tend to steer clear of social interactions to avoid feeling panicked by a sense of insecurity and awkwardness. “Anxious Introverts constantly appear on edge or nervous and tend to shy away from social or other situations that may trigger anxiety, and are typically highly avoidant to the point some may interpret it as being rude,” Vollmoeller adds.

3. Thinking introvert

This is someone whose natural introspectiveness makes them come across as a little, well, head-in-the-clouds, if you will. “Thinking Introverts are most comfortable when reading, learning, studying, and researching, and tend to truly pause and think before they speak,” Vollmoeller says. While in this state, thinking introverts are conceiving brilliant ideas at a rapid-fire pace, and this ideating habit is what classifies them as introverted—not any strong avoidant feelings against social interaction. So unlike social and anxious introverts, thinking introverts are happy to work on a team.

4. Restrained introvert

Finally, a restrained introvert is someone who shows up to a party as a caterpillar, might cocoon in the bathroom for a hot minute, and then blossoms into a social butterfly. They’re reserved at first, but once they get familiar with a person or situation they’re willing to open up. “Restrained introverts often show little or no emotion and tend to be more reserved, thoughtful, and grounded,” Vollmoeller adds.

What should you look for in a career as an introvert?

Not sure which path to choose while taking your next career step? Vollmoeller says that the biggest factor is choosing a non-customer-facing position, so as to avoid situations that feel uncomfortable or triggering. “Introverts tend to excel at jobs that require lots of solo work and brainpower to complete,” he adds.

Beyond the type of career itself, Vollmoeller says it’s important to keep the company’s work culture in mind when pursuing and accepting a job. “Some company cultures revolve around being social, high energy, and upbeat, while others are more traditional and professionally focused,” he explains. “For an introvert, even doing a job they love in a company culture that is overwhelming or uncomfortable for them can be challenging.”

What careers are best for introverts?

With the four types of introverts in mind, along with what to look for in an introvert-friendly career, career coaches Maggie Mistal and Kimberly Lucht, recommend 10 great careers for introverts:

1. Accountant

Mistal says this is ideal for social introverts, allowing you to work more one-on-one with clients and colleagues versus being part of a vast conglomerate.

Pros: High upward mobility

Cons: Moderate stress and flexibility

Salary Range: “Accountants made a median salary of $73,560 in 2020. The best-paid 25 percent made $97,530 that year, while the lowest-paid 25 percent made $57,110,” according to U.S. News & World Report.

Job Requirements: Have a degree (and preferably an advanced degree), pass the CPA exam, and keep up with continuing education

2. Freelance Writer

Whether you’re a social, thinking, or anxious introvert,  Mistal says this career option is great. It appeals to the story-crafting desire that many thinking introverts have, and allows both social and anxious introverts to operate independently. Furthermore, introverts are more naturally inclined to express themselves in writing rather than verbally. “Introverts usually make incredible writers, which is crucial if you want to communicate and create content for the audience you serve,” Lucht says.

Pros: You get to build your own schedule and cover what you’re passionate about

Cons: Payments aren’t always on time

Salary Range: Fully dependent on location, pitching, etc.

Job Requirements: Willingness to pitch, meet deadlines, and communicate professionally and grammatically

3. Medical Professional

Mistal recommends a medical environment for restrained introverts. Job security allows for longevity, and room to grow with their colleagues. “Doctor, orthodontist, and dentist offices also offer small, close-knit team environments and a steady, long-term patient base that the introvert can get comfortable with and be less restrained over time,” she says.

Pros: Depending on your job title, the role can be very lucrative; medical professionals like nurses and doctors are in high demand

Cons: Long hours

Salary Range: Depends on your exact role. According to U.S. News & World Report, registered nurses made a median salary of $75,330 in 2020; nurse practitioners made a median salary of $111,680 in 2020; and orthodontists made a median salary of $208,000 in 2020—just to name a few.

Job Requirements: Depends on your exact role, but likely an advanced degree

4. Data Analyst or Data Scientist

Mistal says jobs focusing on “numbers, formulas, and spreadsheets” are best suited for anxious introverts. If you’re not into the idea of interacting with people but enjoy seeing how they function via Google Analytics, this could be a good path.

Pros: There are many data analyst and scientist jobs, not to mention optimal potential for future growth in the field

Cons: Few if any

Salary Range: According to U.S. News & World Report, data Scientists made a median salary of $98,230 in 2020.

Job Requirements: A background in engineering, math, computer science, and/or business (in most instances; it depends on the specific role)

5. Travel photographer

Excellent for a creatively minded social introvert who wields a camera like a shield, Mistal suggests travel photography as a great option for a social introvert. Because, let’s face it, using your photography skills to capture beautiful landscapes probably feels way more comfortable than the crowded, boisterous world of wedding photography.

Pros: Requires frequent travel

Cons: Requires frequent travel

Salary Range: Fully dependent on role.

Job Requirements: Background in photography, willingness to pitch publications and corporations your ideas and services

6. Civil-service professional

With a restrained introvert, the objective is to lean toward an industry that won’t be pushing out workers like a factory. Stability is their key to success, and that’s why a government job might be worth looking into. “Government and civil-service jobs are traditionally low-turnover, given their history of providing pensions and retirement benefits,” Mistal says.

The list of potential civil service categories include everything from foreign affairs (good for thinking introverts, as well!) and management analysis (could be nice for anxious introverts) to information technology manager.

Pros: Fully dependent on role.

Cons: Fully dependent on role.

Salary Range: Fully dependent on role.

Job Requirements: Fully dependent on role.

7. IT consultant/manager

For an anxious introvert who likes working with their hands but would rather eat glass than present in a group meeting, IT might be a fitting career path. “I recommend jobs where social interactions aren’t a key requirement of job success, such as work with tools or machinery, like IT Hardware, trades, farming, construction or heavy equipment operator,” Mistal says.

Pros: Among the top 15 best-paying jobs in the U.S., according to U.S. News & World Report

Cons: High stress and minimal flexibility

Salary Range: According to U.S. News & World Report, IT Managers earned a median salary of $151,150 in 2020. The best-paid 25 percent made $191,470 that year, while the lowest-paid 25 percent made $116,990.

Job Requirements: A bachelor’s degree in computer or information science (additional requirements vary based on the specific role)

8. Scientist

Working within the sciences might allow options for the thinking introvert. Mistal asserts that this type of introvert works best when they’re using their imagination, formulating hypotheses, and organizing concepts.

Pros: There are political, medical, and data scientist roles

Cons: Dependent upon specific role

Salary Range: According to U.S. News & World Report, data Scientists made a median salary of $98,230 in 2020; epidemiologists or Medical Scientists made a median salary of $74,560 in 2020; political Scientists made a median salary of $125,350 in 2020.

Job Requirements: Bachelor’s to Master’s degree

9. Entrepreneur

If you’re a thinking introvert who keeps putting off that big side-hustle project, now could be a good moment to make it a reality. “Introverts, in my experience, are also most likely to thrive running a business and being their own boss because they don’t shy away from executing on projects alone,” Lucht says.

Pros: You’re self-employed

Cons: You have to be incredibly organized to make it work

Salary Range: Dependent upon type of company, location, etc.

Job Requirements: Dependent upon type of company, however, degrees aren’t always a necessity (just look at Bill Gates)

10. Any kind of virtual assistant

Positions that use tools like the internet and other mediums that provide for indirect social connection are your friend. “Remote work is good for this type, as they will appreciate working alone and won’t feel isolated,” Mistal says.

Lucht echoes this notion, adding that you don’t even have to work for a big organization in order to thrive. Rather, you can use your powers to help level someone up in a one-on-one way. “If the thought of starting a business makes you cringe, the online-business job market is rapidly expanding, meaning you could work remotely for someone who has built their own empire as their virtual assistant, project manager, or copywriter,” she says.

Pros: It allows you to get introduced to an industry to determine if it’s right for you

Cons: Your schedule and livelihood is in the hands of someone else; upward mobility is not always quickly available

Salary Range: Dependent upon specific role

Job Requirements: Dependent upon specific role

FAQs About Introverts and Careers

What are top paying careers for introverts?

According to Vollmoeller, tech is always going to be the top-paying career choice for introverts. “At least for the foreseeable future,” he says. “There are a lot of avenues within tech and raises/advancements happen often which leads to quickly advancing your compensation and career.”

Should introverts avoid sales careers?

Sales is often considered to be a more social job industry but according to Vollmoeller, it’s still a great option for introverts. “A career in sales doesn’t necessarily mean a person is a closer,” he says. “Sales closers require help from a team around them of pre-sales, post-sales, and business development reps (BDR) professionals.” With that in mind, he says that introverts can make great pre-sale and post-sale reps. “Pre-sales positions are typically a more technical role that explains the product or service at a very detailed level during the closer’s courtship of a new client,” he explains. “Post-sales involves implementing the new product or service for the client and typically does require conversations with the new client, but the conversations are about implementation and tend to be more professional than social.”

Can introverts become successful HR?

Since human resources jobs require adequate responsibility and optimal analyzing skills, Vollmoeller admits that HR roles can benefit some introverts. “HR could be a difficult career choice for some types of introverts, but a good career choice for others,” he says. “HR comes with a lot of responsibility that requires time spent thinking and investigating which is preferred by a lot of introverts, however, a portion of HR responsibilities are employee-facing and sometimes require uncomfortable conversations (even for extroverts). In my opinion, being an HR generalist is not the right role for an introvert, but other titles that all fall under HR that require less employee interaction are Payroll Specialist or Compensation and Benefits Manager.”

Is it a good idea for an introvert to go into a career in marketing?

Marketing is very team oriented and, as such, it’s not the most introvert-friendly career. That said, it depends on the type of introvert you are. “Though marketing does not require a lot of social interaction, it is very much a team-oriented career that also requires knowledge of current trends which can be difficult to stay on top of for an introvert because they are not naturally exposed to them in social settings,” Vollmoeller explains. “Careers within marketing companies, like graphic design, are better suited for an introvert who wants to work in marketing but does not like keeping up with modern social trends.”

How do introverts get promoted at work?

The same way anyone does! “Work hard and be good at what you do,” Vollmoeller says. “Being recognized and promoted in your career relies on your abilities to do your job effectively and better than others, not who talks the most or is the most social.”

The Takeaway

Even if you’re an introvert, there are ideal careers out there to accommodate your preferences and traits. In other words, you’re certainly not doomed for failure. Many introverts have a silent power of paying attention to details, keeping their head down while working, and creating thoughtful results—no matter what job they hold. “Being comfortable with the quiet is an introvert’s greatest advantage in career and business,” says Lucht. “They can literally do anything—and do it really well—because they focus intensely on the priority at hand while bringing their own unique and subtle magic to it.”

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