What is deep sleep?

In order to understand deep sleep, you must first acknowledge the phases of the sleep cycle, as well as the stages of sleep. According to Sleepless in NOLA sleep consultant Nilong Vyas, MD, medical review expert at Sleep Foundation, the sleep cycle consists of two phases: REM (rapid eye movement) and NREM (non-rapid eye movement). “The NREM phase is further divided into three stages of sleep,” she explains. The three sleep stages are N1 (light sleep), N2 (medium sleep), and N3 (deep sleep). “The human body cycles through four to five stages of sleep every 90 minutes overnight,” Dr. Vyas says. “N1 is the lightest sleep, N2 is deeper and plays the most significant role in memory consolidation, and N3 is the deepest of the NREM phase.”

Why is deep sleep so important?

While every stage of sleep plays a role in overall health and wellness, deep sleep is the most important because it’s responsible for strengthening the immune system, repairing tissue, and releasing growth hormone. All in all, it’s when the body heals itself, Dr. Vyas says.

So perhaps you’ve been feeling under the weather and can’t seem to muster up any energy—deep sleep will help; maybe you had a super long day that started with a killer workout and felt absolutely wiped by the end of it—deep sleep will help; perhaps you’re navigating a breakup or other stressful life event—deep sleep will help.

But here’s the thing: It doesn’t only have an immediate impact on a person’s well-being—it’s cumulative, meaning that it can offer benefits that last a lifetime, or at the very least, extend your lifetime.

“During deep sleep, the brain’s ‘waste management system’ comes in and removes certain proteins that if not removed are thought to lead to Alzheimer’s and cognitive decline,” says sleep expert and clinical psychologist Michael Breus, PhD, aka The Sleep Doctor.

Which is better: REM or deep sleep?

While REM sleep is a different phase of the sleep cycle, it’s considered the fourth and final stage of it. Since rapid eye movement is tied to dreaming, many people mistakenly assume that it must be a very deep form of sleep in which the subconscious has the uninterrupted ability to soar. In reality, Dr. Vyas says that REM sleep is actually considered to be less restful.

That doesn’t mean that REM sleep isn’t important, though. “REM and deep sleep are completely different and both necessary for different reasons,” Dr. Breus says. “As an example, during REM sleep is when you move information from your short term memory to your long term memory, and when you process emotions; deep sleep is needed for more physical areas.” Though, it plays a role in long term memory, too.

How much deep sleep do you need each night?

TL;DR: It depends. How much sleep you need depends on your age, gender, medical condition, fitness level, and environment, Dr. Breus says. “As a general guideline, we recommend seven to nine hours of good quality sleep, but this can vary widely,” he adds. (Not sure where you stand? Check out our story on sleep calculators.)

If you’re over the age of 65, Abhinav Singh, MD, FAASM, medical director of the Indiana Sleep Center and a medical review expert at Sleep Foundation, says that seven to eight hours will typically suffice.

No matter your age, if we’re breaking it down by stage, Dr. Singh says that 20 to 25 percent of your total sleep should be deep sleep, while another 20 to 25 percent should be REM.

What happens if you don’t get enough deep sleep?

Considering the vital role it plays in our overall well-being, Dr. Breus reveals that not getting enough deep sleep is what’s officially considered sleep deprivation. “Sleep deprivation affects every organ system and every disease state—literally everything you do, you do better with a good night’s sleep,” he says.

More specifically, Dr. Breus points out that a lack of deep sleep can lend to a notable physical and cognitive decline, including slower reaction time, lower testosterone, memory issues, riskier decisions, trouble focusing, and more. And then there’s the emotional impact of sleep deprivation. When you don’t get enough of it, you’ll become more anxious and could experience deeper depression. Together, all of these side effects make one thing very clear: Deep sleep should be your priority—each and every night.

When does deep sleep take place?

While a full sleep cycle is roughly 90 minutes long and is comprised of all four sleep stages (N1, N2, deep sleep, and REM sleep), the amount of time you spend in each stage changes throughout the night. According to The Sleep Foundation, you typically get the most deep sleep during the first half of the night. Then, by the later sleep cycles, you spend less time in the N1, N2, and N3 stages, and more time in REM sleep.

What happens if you wake up during deep sleep?

Since the N3 stage is the deepest sleep stage, it makes sense that it’s the hardest to snap out of. According to Dr. Breus, the deep sleep stage is the hardest to awaken from. If someone does wake up during this stage, he says it’s not uncommon to feel especially groggy. “This experience is what’s known as sleep inertia,” he reveals on his website. He compares it to Isaac Newton’s Law of Inertia and points out that unless a pressing force is at play to entice someone to wake up, it’s totally normal to wish you were still asleep—or even fall back asleep in the process. This is a sign that you’re within a deep sleep stage and need it to feel rested.

If you continually wake up each morning wishing you could just sleep a little longer, however, it might be time to re-evaluate your sleep hygiene and routine, as certain habits can make falling and staying asleep much easier. For example, eating a snack comprised of foods that help sleep, taking OTC sleep aids (like the Olly Sleep Gummies, $13), wearing breathable cotton PJs (like the Printfresh Bagheera Sleep Shirt, $118), sleeping on soft, moisture-wicking sheets (like the Purple SoftStretch Sheet Set, $189), and waking up with a sunrise alarm clock (like the Hatch Restore 2, $200) can all make a big difference in the quality of your sleep.

If after adjusting your sleep routine you still find that falling and staying asleep is a challenge, or that you’re experiencing poor sleep quality overall, you may want to consult a doctor to discuss the possibility of prescription sleeping pills and best next steps overall.

Which is why I have half a dozen different loafers lining my closet (in rainbow, metallic, velvet—the list goes on). But see, that’s the thing: None of the loafers I own are neutral and easy to style with everything I own. Because of this, I was particularly jazzed when I caught wind of Birdies’ big news: The brand’s coveted leather loafer—The Starling—is back in stock in leather after being sold out for quite some time.

Birdies, The Starling Leather Flat — $150.00

Colors (in leather): 3

Sizes available: 5-12

Pros:

• Little to no break-in period
• Flexible leather
• Easy to walk long distances in

Cons:

• Need to order a half-size up
• Leather may wrinkle over time

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What we love about the Birdies Starling loafer

What makes the Birdies Starling ($150) such a swoon-worthy shoe? A few things, really. The style features a non-slip rubber outsole atop a modest 10-millimeter heel, the uppers are soft and flexible, and the footbed is nothing short of a dream. It’s the latter that’s especially noteworthy. After all, the key characteristic of all Birdies shoes is the 7-layer footbed that’s designed to make it feel like you’re walking in slippers, not going-out shoes.

Due to their thoughtful design, the Birdies Starling Flats have become a cult favorite among shoppers, to the point that the brand regularly releases new iterations of the shoe. The flats, which are available in women’s sizes 5 to 12, are sold in 21 seasonal colors, textiles, and prints, as well as six classic options. For many footwear brands, it’s the seasonal shades that sell out the fastest. But for Birdies, the classic leather silhouettes, which are sold in black, tan, and brown shades, earned such high praise, the brand has had trouble keeping them in stock.

Naturally, I snagged a pair as soon as I saw they were available once more (after thousands requested Birdies bring back the leather loafer). My thought? How stellar can a plain pair of leather flats really be? Sure, I adore my velvet Starling flats, but can leather really compete—especially in terms of comfort?

Why yes, yes it can. From the moment I slipped my feet into these surprisingly lightweight leather flats, I’ve been a fan. The material is so buttery-soft that it flexes and bends with my feet, so I’ve not encountered any blister-causing chafing (despite not wearing socks), which I find is often par for the course when wearing most leather shoes. Meanwhile, the footbeds are just as glorious in the leather version as the velvet versions, though, potentially even more breathable. In the velvet Starlings, the footbeds have a satin lining; in the leather version, it has a cork-like appearance but is really just dotted leather.

As much as I enjoy the Birdies Leather Starling flats, there are a couple of things you’ll want to keep in mind. For starters, the brand says that you should size down if you have narrow feet or are in between sizes. After years of wearing The Starling, I have found that going up a half size works better. Another thing? Since the leather uppers are so thin and flexible, I feel like they could develop wrinkles over time. TBD on how they wear in the long-term.

All in all, if you’re on the hunt for a pair of comfortable, flexible leather flats that you can run to work in just as easily as you could go on a miles-long walking tour of a new city, the Birdies Leather Starling is worth considering. But act fast! They won’t stay in stock long.

Though the term hints at a lack of depth, there’s no shortage of deep, lasting pleasure to be found with shallowing. And while the penetration technique implies something entering the vagina (if ever so slightly), that something could be anything you might otherwise use for sexual penetration—not just the tip of the penis of a sex partner, but also, a finger, tongue, or toy, says sex educator Cindy Luquin, MA, CSE, founder of sexual-health education platform Pleasure to People.

Because shallowing with a toy would require keeping the toy positioned just inside the vagina, that might be difficult with a typical wand—which is why Playboy Pleasure recently released a toy with a shorter tip designed to make shallowing while solo that much easier: the Ring My Bell vibrator ($80). Below, you’ll find expert intel on all things shallowing, plus advice for trying it out yourself, including my first-hand review of the Ring My Bell. (Spoiler alert: It rang all of mine.)

What, exactly, is shallowing when it comes to penetration?

“Shallowing is penetrative touch right at the entrance of the vagina,” says Luquin. “It’s not external, but it’s not going deep inside, either,” she clarifies.

The benefit of keeping penetration just inside the vagina has to do with the anatomy of the vaginal entrance—which allows for some out-of-this-world sensations.

“Shallowing is when you play with the nerve endings [at the vaginal entrance] to find the depth at which you most enjoy the penetration.” —Marla Renee Stewart, sexologist

“The entrance to the vagina is one of the most sensitive spots on the body,” says sexologist Marla Renee Stewart, sexpert for sexual-wellness brand and retailer Lovers. “Shallowing is when you play with those nerve endings [at the vaginal entrance] to find the depth at which you most enjoy the penetration,” she adds. “This can aid in helping you feel pleasure and get acclimated with your genitals.”

Who would benefit from the penetration technique of shallowing?

According to sexuality and relationship therapist Chanta Blue, LCSW, there are two major groups of people who might enjoy experimenting with shallowing: “vulva owners and those who enjoy pleasing [people who have] vulvas,” she says.

And, per Luquin, if you fall in the former group, you can seriously increase your pleasure by shallowing. “A 2021 study [with almost 3,000 participants] found that women who used shallowing during foreplay found deeper penetrative sex more stimulating and had 25-percent stronger orgasms,” Luquin says.

What to know about shallowing before trying it

“Folks should know that shallowing is staying pretty shallow in the vagina,” says Stewart, adding that you don’t want to go more than one inch inside the vagina to get the maximum return from this penetration technique.

When initially trying shallowing, Stewart says it’s important to give yourself the license to explore for as long as you might need or want. “I don’t recommend rushing while you are shallowing, as the technique [when done slowly] can be a great way to get more in touch with your nerve endings and how they pertain to your pleasure in your body,” she says.

Blue echoes that sentiment, noting that this is a great technique to build arousal. (Read: It’s not a quick hitter; it’s a slow burn.) “The anticipation that comes along with this method can increase excitement for both the vulva owner and the partner if used during partnered play,” says Blue. “It’s also great to use when deeper penetration isn’t pleasurable, comfortable, or possible.”

How to try shallowing, according to sexologists

As is the case with most sex acts and techniques—like, for instance, BDSM or anal fingering or temperature play—when it comes to starting a shallowing practice, it’s a good idea to move slowly, at least initially. After all, you can always do more, but you can’t take back what you’ve already done.

Another key tip: Make sure the vaginal area is wet enough (before you begin) to make shallowing pleasurable. “Whenever penetrating the genitals, it’s important to first ensure there is enough lubrication to reduce friction and avoid irritation,” says Blue. “Then, you can place the toy, finger, lips, penis tip, or tongue just at the opening of the vagina, taking care not to penetrate deeper into the canal.”

For the record, Stewart suggests a hands-on approach. “I would recommend starting off with some vulva and vaginal exploration with your hands,” she says. “Start in small circles with the pads of your fingers, and use those pads to explore the [entrance], experimenting with the angles, pressure, and depth of what you like.” Reserving all your stimulation to the entrance of the vagina can then build up arousal and pleasure over time.

My experience with the Playboy Pleasure Ring My Bell vibrator designed for shallowing

As a sensory person, I like things that look, sound, smell, taste, and feel nice. Ring My Bell is a lot of those things. From the packaging to the toy itself and its various pleasure settings, it checks a lot of my boxes. The medical-grade silicone is almost slippery (in a good way), and the toy has a built-in feature to focus on the clitoris. Let’s just say I really enjoyed that. Plus, at just four inches long and one inch wide, it makes a great travel buddy.

Playboy Pleasure Ring My Bell — $80.00

To date, I own and have tried more than 30 sex toys. This one, however, is the first one that was specifically designed with shallowing in mind. For me, Ring My Bell provides just the right amount of penetration.

Insertable length: 1 inch

Material: Body-safe silicone

Settings: 10 speeds and functions, 10 pulsing rhythms, two buttons

Power source: Rechargeable

Available colors: Black

Waterproof: Yes

Pros:

• Chic, iridescent packaging
• Ergonomic and stylish design
• Just the right amount of penetration

Cons:

• Magnetic charging can be tricky to keep connected
• Not compatible with oil-based lubes

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While I’ve enjoyed vibrators of all shapes, sizes, and power types, as a kid (lady???) born in the ‘90s, my power source of choice will always be a plug-in adapter; there’s just something reassuring about it. Ring My Bell, however, uses newer technology: a magnetic rechargeable USB.

Plenty of modern sex toys charge this way, but I often find it hard to balance the toy well enough to ensure a charge. However, the magnet on the Ring My Bell is pretty strong, so even that isn’t really an issue. Which is all to say, if you’re looking to deep-dive into shallowing, this is totally the toy for you.

“This time, my soul left me, and god himself said, ‘Child, it is not your time,'” writes a reviewer of her orgasm. “Mind you, I’m agnostic.”

Tracy's Dog, OG Clitoral Suction Vibrator — $50.00

Originally $60, now $50 

This “soul-snatching” toy is currently 17 percent off ahead of Amazon Prime Day.

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Another woman who claims to have died, been resurrected, and then died again was hit so hard by her orgasm she practically saw stars. “Trust me,” she writes. “Best believe you will never see me frown ever again. My life has completely changed. Have a blessed day.”

“It literally felt like a demon was coming out of me,” writes yet another satisfied owner of a Tracy’s Dog vibrator. “My orgasm was AT LEAST 30 seconds longer than usual and my skin is clear, my eyesight is cured and my anxiety has dissipated.” (The orgasm glow is real, by the way.)

So, it’s damn good is my read. Also, back it up—clitoral sucking vibrator?

Okay, I’m like, super vanilla when it comes to sex toys. I get a buzzy little bullet in an industry party gift bag every three years, and that’s, like, enough. So the bells and whistles on this hands-free vibe sound intense. Women across the board report that getting intimate with the toy can result in the elusive squirting orgasm, and even more of them say that that’s “NEVER HAPPENED BEFORE” (bolded, italicized, underlined twice).

And caution is definitely advised when you learn your way around the bend. Start slow or you it sounds like you’re in for some Exorcist-style levitation above your bed. Radical.

Intrigued and intimidated by all the raves, consider this another small win for Ladies Doing It For Themselves. As we fight the good fight for female pleasure, it’s important to share with passion, vigor, and 0 percent shame what can bring us closer to the little death. As far as I can tell, the Tracy’s Dog Vibrator slays. And in case you fear emptying your wallet, hearsay is it’s worthy of the price tag (although it it’s on sale now for 17 percent off.)

“It’s worth hundreds,” writes an infatuated reviewer. “Heck, it’s worth a second mortgage on my house. And for the love of banana pancakes, ladies heed the warnings of the brave pioneers who came before you… stretch like your life depends on it before embarking on this mission. Icy Hot and Motrin for those that don’t listen.”

If, for whatever reason, the OG soul-snatcher isn’t powerful enough for you, there’s also the Tracy’s Dog OG Pro 2 (originally $70, now $60) that’s 10 percent off ahead of Prime Day. The difference? There’s stronger suction and a remote control, so you can literally give your life over to the higher powers—whoever they may be. Godspeed.

Tracy's Dog, OG Pro 2 — $60.00

Originally $70, now $60 

Save 10 percent ahead of Prime Day.

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Glossier, Boy Brow — $18.00

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“The main thing with brow gels is getting a good brush and finding the right tone to match your hair color,” says Jimena Garcia, a brow artist who works in New York and Los Angeles. With these new Glossier shades, more people can find a match with ease. Grab the one that’s closest to your shade for a natural look, or go a shade deeper for some added drama.

The new Glossier Boy Brow shades launched on June 26, and shoppers are loving them. “After being sent the new shade dark brown as a gift, I’ve worn it every day since I received it, and every day I love it more,” writes one reviewer. “The shade brown was fine for me and I used it every day, but since using dark brown I realized how much I love a slightly darker brow. This shade is absolutely perfect for anyone with darker hair.”

Boy Brow was inspired by mustache pomade and has a creamy formula powered by beeswax and carnauba to provide a flexible, lightweight hold to define, thicken, and shape brows. It coats hairs without stiffening or flaking over time.

Plus, it contains conditioning ingredients like nourishing oleic acid, smoothing lecithin, and hydrating hyaluronic acid to keep your brows strong and healthy. According to Joshua Zeichner, MD, a board-certified dermatologist in New York City, conditioning ingredients “soften and plump the hair shafts themselves.”

Because Boy Brow has such a small brush, you can really get in there and style your brows just the way you want. “Brushing them up makes them look thicker, and it automatically creates a wider brow,” says Garcia. “When you brush to the side, it’s beautiful.” For a more natural, subtle brow, you can brush up the beginning of the brow and then brush sideways for the rest.

With all of this news, you may be worrying about your own brain health, or that of your loved ones. After all, given over six million Americans have Alzheimer’s, it’s more common than any of us would like to imagine.

I mean, struggling to remember words and details can be scary. When is it normal for your age versus a sign of Alzheimer’s? Knowing where the line is between the two is tricky, and it’s a question no one wants to ask themselves.

Only an expert like a neurologist or geriatrician can make a diagnosis, but there are red flags that might signal that it’s time to book an appointment for some testing. To help you know what you’re working with, a neurologist shares how some early signs of the disease differ from the normal effects of aging.

1. Forgetting recently learned information

Forgetting about an appointment or what a person’s name is—and being able to recall it later—is a typical change you’ll see in older folks, according to Anjali N. Patel, DO, a memory and cognitive neurologist of the Atlantic Neuroscience Institute and Overlook Medical Center. An early sign of Alzheimer’s, on the other hand, is “forgetting recently learned information [or] repeating the same question,” she explains. In fact, according to the Alzheimer’s Association, that’s the most common sign in the early stages.

Dr. Patel gives an example. “If someone has a doctor’s appointment coming up, they may ask multiple times regarding the date and time of the appointment,” she says. “The person may repeat the question right away, after a few minutes, or the following day. This can vary.”

2. Feeling confused, suspicious, anxious/fearful, or depressed

Some emotional ups and downs are normal for all of us. Particularly once our days start to follow a predictable pattern, we “can become irritated when the routine is changed or disrupted,” Dr. Patel says. That’s typical with age (and is pretty understandable across the board!).

However, if you notice someone lose control over how they express their emotions, overreact, or have rapid mood changes due to not understanding a situation, it’s more likely an early sign of Alzheimer’s, she continues. One example of a confusing event is traveling to a new location, which can lead to intense reactions in an Alzheimer’s patient.

3. Consistently making poor judgments

Many of us have made mistakes here and there by falling for spam or struggling with a budget. But a red flag is if it’s consistent. Dr. Patel says, “Individuals might miss a payment once, make a mistake once in a while,” and that’s typical. It could signal Alzheimer’s, though, if “patients cannot manage a budget [or have] poor judgment, [such as] giving away personal information to strangers.”

4. Hiding items and/or accusing others of stealing items they can’t find

Being unable to find something—whether it’s the remote or a nice pair of earrings—can be stressful and confusing. Even the most organized people probably know the struggle. According to Dr. Patel, it’s a-okay if the person is able to retrace their steps to find the item.

But when “patients place objects in unusual places, cannot find the object again, and may accuse others of taking items,” she says, it’s possibly an early sign of Alzheimer’s. She explains how this happens, saying patients often lose or misplace items, assume someone must be taking their things, then hide those items in unexpected places for “safekeeping.”

5. Struggling to keep up in conversation

Having trouble thinking of the right word (and it eventually coming to mind) is a typical age-related change people may experience, Dr. Patel says. However, when patients have trouble following a conversation, consistently call things by the wrong name, or regularly lose their train of thought, you might be seeing early signs of Alzheimer’s.

6. Noticing a significantly decreased understanding of visual images

As we age, our vision may change due to cataracts. Buying a new pair of glasses can be a normal item on the to-do list. However, Alzheimer’s may be a concern if safety issues are popping up, like “having difficulty judging distance, leading to car accidents, [or] episodes of getting lost,” she says.

7. Losing track of time and events

If your loved one isn’t sure about the exact date or day of the week, there’s no need to be concerned, according to Dr. Patel. She warns more about patients “having difficulty understanding when events took place [and] losing track of the month/year/season” since that could be a potential sign of Alzheimer’s.

This could look several different ways. “They may forget recent events, such as visiting family or going on a trip,” she adds. “The person may recall events from the past in greater detail, and may believe those prior events took place more recently.”

What to do next

If you think you or a loved one might be exhibiting possible early signs of Alzheimer’s, book an appointment with a neurologist. They will be able to use imaging, cognitive or blood tests, and other neurological exams and assessments to figure out if that’s what’s going on.

And if it is, know that all hope is not lost. An Alzheimer’s medication was approved by the FDA in 2021, and prevention research is underway, from AI technology to a study about the benefits of folate to predictive blood tests. You aren’t alone in this.

These statements seemed to strike a nerve with many mental health professionals, myself included. Having just spent the past three years earning my master of social work (MSW) degree, I have a profound new understanding of just how much not only goes into diagnosing a client, but their individual treatment as well.

Over the past few years, young people in particular have been turning to social media, namely TikTok, to try to get a better grasp on their mental health. Gen Z-ers have become increasingly aware of the importance of mental health care and have made it a big part of our collective dialogue. Unfortunately, that has led to a lot of self-diagnosing and all-around misunderstandings of very complex issues and terms. (Heck, here at Well+Good we realized pretty quickly that the widespread use and misuse of the term “gaslighting” was going to be downright damaging.)

I don’t point this out to shame or belittle anyone who has turned to the internet to try to figure out their health issues. After all, who among us hasn’t turned to WebMD in a moment of crisis (ahem, the common cold) and incorrectly concluded that our symptoms were something far graver?

This is especially pertinent when you consider that, as of 2020, during the COVID-19 crisis, a reported 31.6 million individuals in the United States had no health insurance. Even for those who are covered, finding the ever-elusive plans that cover mental health services, let alone being able to get an appointment with a provider you want to see, is its own hurdle. In 2019, NPR reported that “an office visit with a therapist is five times as likely to be out-of-network, and thus more expensive, than a primary care appointment.” It’s extremely tempting to turn to a free app that’s easy to get lost in for hours. But using it as a tool for something that requires deeper insights is a slippery slope.

I recognize this issue not only as someone who works in the mental health field, but as a person with my own complex mental health history. Before I found the right therapist and right kind of therapy for me, I was absolutely guilty of not only self-diagnosing myself, but perhaps even more damagingly, other people.

In the wake of back-to-back unhealthy relationships, I was desperate to find closure and clarity. It wasn’t just that there was something inherently wrong or unlovable about myself, right? I read every book and blog there was and came to the conclusion, on my own, that I had dated sociopaths or narcissists or a combination of both. Giving them these titles not only made me feel better about my pain, but it took some of their power away. It was the first thing to give me some sense of relief.

It wasn’t until I found my amazing therapist (whom I’ve been working with for over five years now) and going through the rigors of grad school to become an MSW that I discovered I hadn’t been properly equipped to actually get to the root of my partners’ problems. The people that I dated had their own complex backgrounds and traumas and genetics and risks and environments, and while I knew about some of it, it was not my place to diagnose them or even myself. My own initial diagnoses might have given me a sense of relief, but having a clear insight was what actually brought me lasting peace in the end.

For instance, look at narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), which the DSM-5-TR defines as a “pattern of grandiosity, need for admiration, and lack of empathy.” Okay, so that certainly fits the bill for my exes. But for a person to be diagnosed with NPD, they have to fit five or more of the diagnostic criteria, which have their own set of culture-related diagnostic issues, sex-and-gender related diagnostic issues, as well as comorbidities, including depressive disorders and substance use disorders.

It can be easy to look at a person’s behavior and see the broad strokes as their defining characteristic, but any mental health professional can tell you it’s far more complex than that. Moreover, when you misdiagnose someone else or yourself, you’re making the healing process ultimately more difficult for yourself. For instance, it wasn’t until my therapist clarified for me that I was actually dealing with someone with borderline personality disorder (BPD) that I could better understand them and really start to understand the dynamic of our relationship. When dealing with a narcissist, you let them know what you need from them and let them make that decision, but with someone with BPD, it’s better to set clear boundaries.

When you misdiagnose someone else or yourself, you’re making the healing process ultimately more difficult for yourself.

The urge to self-diagnose was something I saw time and time again as I worked with individuals and families in recovery during my social work internships. I didn’t judge these clients when they were adamant that they behaved a certain way for a certain reason, or their loved one was estranged because they believed they had an undiagnosed disorder. In fact, I understood that instinct all too well. We want to have more control over situations and feelings and thoughts that feel thoroughly out of control. Putting a name to the pain you face can take away so much confusion.

However, until you get an accurate diagnosis from a mental health professional, you may just wind up lost on a misguided path. You can spend all your energy on TikTik “hacks” that don’t truly get at the root of whatever issue you’re actually struggling with.

While I think it’s great that the internet and social media can be a place to feel less alone and bring more awareness to mental health overall, it’s imperative that people get the proper care they not only need, but deserve. You can definitely get some great insights on social media to open your horizons about mental health, but it’s best to make a therapist your main resource on the subject at hand.

Trust me when I tell you, your pain is very real and there are so many amazing mental health experts out there who want to help get you on the right track towards diagnosis and treatment. They’re just not in between reels of Bill Hader dancing. 

Unfortunately, Burt’s Bees Lip Shimmer and I are taking a break because I’ve met someone else. Ever since I was introduced to Kjaer Weis’s lovely new Tinted Lip Balms ($35), which hit shelves last month, they haven’t left my side. These moisturizing lipstick-balm hybrids kiss me with the most gentle, most barely-there hint of color imaginable, all while nourishing and soothing my pout for hours on end. Talk about love at first swipe…

Kjaer Weis, Tinted Lip Balm - Iconic Edition — $35.00

Available in six shades, including clear. Refills sold separately for $17 each.

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I can’t say I’m surprised—Kjaer Weis products rarely disappoint. Founded by Danish makeup artist Kirsten Kjaer Weis, the luxury beauty brand uses only the best natural, organic ingredients in all of its formulations. Since launching in 2010, it’s been sustainability-focused, too, swapping out plastic waste for refillable, recyclable packaging across its entire product line. Needless to say, its skin care, makeup, and tools are all beloved by W+G editors, and, arguably more impressively, by A-listers; in a TikTok from last August, Kate Hudson revealed she swears by the brand’s cream blush and lip gloss to get her “hot girl summer” glow. Other stars, like Emma Watson, Ariel Winter, and Reese Witherspoon are big fans, too.

@thekatehudson I’m gonna do makeup #hotgirlsummer #cleanface #makeup ♬ original sound – Kate Hudson

While other Kjaer Weis products have wow’d me, it’s the Tinted Lip Balms that have really blown me away, (so much so that I broke things off with my once life partner of lip balms). For starters, they’re so soft and luscious on lips, thanks largely to the heavy load of organic emollients (Rose oil! Olive oil! Brazilian nut oil!) infused in every batch. There are 10 oils used in total plus an extra burst of hyaluronic acid and squalane—two derm-approved ingredients for hydration—in each stick that lock in moisture for all-day wear. And, yeah, we’ve all seen promises like “long-lasting hydration!” and “24-hour moisture!” slapped on packaging, but I promise, this isn’t a marketing ploy. Kjaer Weis Tinted Lip Balms really last all day, quenching lips for literally hours on end.

What really stole my heart, though, are the gorgeous colors the balms come in, each one sheer and subtle to give you that “your lips, but better” look. With the first swipe, they almost go on clear, the tint is that slight. But they’re really buildable—a few more swipes let’s you play around with the color as much or as little as you like. And they’re gorgeous. Currently, the Tinted Lip Balms come five shades (six if you include the colorless “Clear”): “Gracious,” a soft petal pink, “Romance,” a bright coral, “Lover’s Choice,” a deep, berry red, “Empower,” a bold hot pink, “KW Red,” a classic, looks-good-on-everyone red.

They’re also packaged in the most chic refillable silver tube that looks like something from Tiffany’s or Cartier. True to the brand’s sustainable mission, the lip balms are sold in Kjaer Weis’s signature Iconic Edition packaging, a shiny metal tube that doubles as a lifelong keepsake. If you already have the tube or have ran out of your favorite shade, you can simply buy refills ($17 each) that can be popped into the tube in seconds. It’s smart, sustainable, and looks totally sophisticated on your vanity or in your purse.

Burt’s Bees will always have a place in my heart, but for now, Kjaer Weis’s nourishing Tinted Lip Balms have a place on my lips. Scroll to shop all of the shades and good luck choosing which one will win your heart—they’re all that good.

"Gracious" — $17.00

Described as a “sheer flush of petal pink,” this soft, baby pink stick is the most minimalist of all the current shades. It’s pretty much a step above “Clear” on the tint factor, infused with just the slightest smudge of rose-y pink for a natural-looking pout.

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"Romance" — $17.00

This coral shade is one of my favorites, especially with summer in full swing. I like to think of it as “sunburn without the sunburn”—it’s got that crispy, orange-y red undertone that makes it look like I just stepped off the beach, even when I’ve been sitting at my computer all day.

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"Lover's Choice" — $17.00

“Lover’s Choice” has won my heart, too; I can’t get over how beautiful and effortless it looks when I have it on. The deep berry red is super customizable and can be amped up or down depending on your mood. If you’re feeling more subtle, I recommend sticking to one or two swipes. For more drama, add some more.

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"Empower" — $17.00

This Barbie pink is a fun one. At first glance, it looks like a hot pink lipstick you’d see in the Malibu Dreamhouse. But, just like the other balms, it goes on fairly clear, so you can find your perfect hue.

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"KW Red" — $17.00

For the traditionalist, there’s “KW Red”, the brand’s tried-and-true red that looks good on everyone. Blended with cool undertones, it looks good on every skin tone and can be dressed up or down depending on the occasion.

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Meet FitFlop iQushion Two Bar Buckle Slides—a near replica of the Birkenstock Arizona EVA slides. They have that same cushioned EVA material and a similar buckle strap style. But, after testing them out IRL, I think I actually love them more than my Birks—and podiatrists say that might be because of the brand’s discreet orthopedic features. 

FitFlop iQushion Two Bar Buckle Slides Review

FitFlop iQushion Two Bar Buckle Slides — $50.00

The FitFlop iQushion Two Bar Buckle Slides cost the same as the Arizona EVA slides, but offer more in the support and comfort department, making them my go-to summer sandal. These slide sandals are constructed from a lightweight EVA material that is waterproof and quick-drying, so you can wear them from brunch to the pool or while on a beach vacation. And, as I mentioned before, they have two adjustable foot straps that allow you to customize the fit so you don’t have to worry about them sliding off and, as a result, grip your feet in a way that causes foot pain over time. 

With the brand’s built-in iQushion technology, the sandals also have plenty of support, thanks to an ergonomically designed footbed with high rebound, air foam cushioning, and pressure-diffusing technology. I love them for their looks, too. The slides come in a variety of fun colors, including classic neutrals and neons (I have the pop pink!), and have a textured finish on the upper straps which add a nice, stylish touch. 

Available sizes: Women’s 5-11

Material: EVA

Colors: Dusky red, Tahiti blue, pop pink, Miami violet, electric yellow, neon orange, midnight navy, all black. 

 

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FitFlop is known for its collection of supportive shoes and sandals, which feature specific design details meant to elevate comfort and promote foot health. As far as the Buckle Slides are concerned, Dr. Elizabeth Daughtry, DPM, says they’re definitely a good option for those looking to rock a more supportive sandal this summer. “These slides offer more support and comfort for feet than the average slide style sandals as the two bar buckles are adjustable and the footbed appears to have impressive arch support for a slide,” she explains. Additionally, Dr. Daughtry notes that the brand’s iQushionTM midsole technology— which is super lightweight and provides discreet ergonomic shaping—is a “great combination of support and cushion.”

In addition to the footbed support, the adjustability of the straps makes a major difference. One of the biggest downsides of sandals is that many styles don’t offer an ankle strap, which can help keep the shoe secure on the soles and prevent any unnecessary gripping of the foot to keep them in place. While these slides don’t have an ankle strap, the adjustable buckle straps actually allow you to customize the fit, so that you don’t end up compensating for that lack of security. On top of that, the EVA material is lightweight, comfortable, and cushioned. Plus, it’s waterproof and quick-drying to keep bacteria at bay and further support healthy feet. 

“Dandruff is primarily caused by a yeast that proliferates on the skin, especially in oily areas. By proliferating, it creates a lot of inflammation on the scalp and it starts to scale as a result,” says explains Muneeb Shah, DO, a board-certified dermatologist in Mooresville, North Carolina. “And so what you experience with dandruff oftentimes is the flaking and scaling, but the primary problem is the yeast. Now in the winter, you tend to get a little bit more dry skin, and that can contribute to flaking. But in the summer, especially in humid environments, yeast can really proliferate.”

So if you’re dealing with flaking caused by this excess of yeast, applying the types of heavier moisturizing products you relied on all winter long to your scalp won’t help—it can actually make it worse, explains Rae Lynne Kilner, MD, a hair transplant surgeon in Beverly Hills, California.

“If the flakes are caused by an oily scalp and yeast or fungus are a factor, applying more occlusives or emollients is not the answer as it may exacerbate the condition,” says Dr. Kilner. “Additionally, some essential oils on the scalp can also cause a reaction or irritation.” (Dr. Shah adds that olive oil is a big no-no when dealing with dandruff, no matter the time of year, as it makes the yeast flourish.)

Instead, you should focus on fungus-fighting and exfoliating ingredients.

“Antifungal shampoos are going to be your best bet. There are a few active ingredients that address the yeast that may contribute to dandruff, including pyrithione zinc, selenium sulfide, and ketoconazole,” says Dr. Kilner. She adds that you can up the ante by using an exfoliating pre-shampoo serum.

8 products to manage summer dandruff

3 pre-shampoo serums for summer dandruff

Vegamour, Gro Scalp Detoxifying Serum — $42.00

Dr. Kilner loves this pre-shampoo serum that uses zinc PCA and willowherb extract to absorb excess oil, reduce irritation, and remove flakes. Plus, it has wild-harvested baobab and marula oils, both rich in omega 6 and 9 fatty acids, for antioxidant support and moisturization.

 

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The Inkey List, Salicylic Acid Exfoliating Scalp Treatment — $16.00

Dr. Kilner also recommends this lightweight pre-shampoo serum that’s made with exfoliating and oil-balancing salicylic acid, soothing Fluidipure 8G, and hydrating vitamin B5.

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Sunday Riley, Clean Rinse Clarifying Scalp Serum — $48.00

Three to 30 minutes before you shampoo, you can apply this buildup-busting serum that Dr. Kinler recommends. It’s infused with alpha- and beta-hydroxy acids to exfoliate the scalp’s surface and dissolve sebum buildup. Plus, it has rose clay, which gently removes impurities from the scalp.

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5 shampoos for summer dandruff

Nizerol, Anti-Dandruff Shampoo — $16.00

Gentle yet effective, this shampoo contains 1 percent ketoconazole, a dandruff-fighting ingredient that kills scalp fungus. It’s the first pick for both Dr. Shah and Dr. Kilner.

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Neutrogena, Scalp Therapy Anti-Dandruff Itchy Scalp Shampoo — $11.00

“Neutrogena has a whole new line of salicylic acid shampoos that just came out,” says Dr. Shah. This one blends 2.5 percent salicylic acid with cooling menthol to soothe irritation while removing excess oil and dead skin from the skin surface.

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Briogeo, Scalp Revival Charcoal Coconut Oil Micro-Exfoliating Shampoo — $42.00

“If you find that your scalp is sensitive or easily irritated, consider switching to more gentle hair products,” says Dr. Kilner. She recommends this shampoo from Briogeo. It’s made with binchotan charcoal and plant-based exfoliators to remove oil and buildup while a blend of peppermint, spearmint, tea tree, and coconut oils soothe and refresh.

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Philip B, Anti-Flake Relief Shampoo Extra Strength — $55.00

This shampoo from Phip B is made “with a great blend of zinc, coal tar, aloe vera, tea tree oil, sage, and juniper,” says Dr. Kilner. This blend cleanses while soothing irritation and balancing oil production.

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Head & Shoulders, Classic Clean 2-Pack — $21.00

‘Zinc pyrithione shampoos from Head & Shoulders can be really good,” says Dr. Shah. Zinc pyrithione has antifungal and antibacterial properties, protecting against dandruff, itchiness, and dryness. Plus, it’s gentle enough to use daily.

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Once you work some of these into your routine, give them a few weeks to see if they help. However, “if the OTC products you try are not working or you are not getting any relief with them, then you should see a specialist and consider prescription products,” says Dr. Kilner.

Indeed, according to therapists, processing a breakup can come with a whirlwind of emotions—and the road to healing is often a winding one. For instance, you might feel sad and then feel mad, and then come back to feeling sad, says therapist Melissa Divaris Thompson, LMFT: “Sometimes, there’s a mishmash of feelings all around.” Almost like the loss of a loved one, the loss of a relationship—and a person in your life—can trigger grief and all the complex emotions that come with it.

A breakup is a form of loss, and the emotional aftermath can chart a similar path as grief

It’s completely normal to feel a soup of emotions after a breakup. After all, breakups are emotionally complex territory because while they involve losing a partner, there’s also the knowledge that this person is still somewhere in the world living their life—just a life of which you’re no longer a part.

“Breakup grief [is a unique kind of grief] because you will love again, and you will be in a relationship again, so it’s not an ending that’s forever,” says trauma-informed therapist and grief counselor Gina Moffa, LCSW, author of the forthcoming book Moving On Doesn’t Mean Letting Go: A Modern Guide to Navigating Loss.

Figuring out how to leave a relationship in the past can also be particularly difficult when the person is still alive and well, and perhaps, you can’t help but wonder what could have been if things had unfolded differently. “People tend to go back and think about the good [parts of the relationship], and then analyze everything, even more so with relationship loss than with death,” says Moffa. That mindset makes it easier to blame yourself for the dissolution of a relationship, she adds. But even if you played a role (it certainly takes two to tango), adding blame into the picture can make it even tougher to manage the emotional stages of a breakup and the loss that the end of a relationship entails.

“People tend to go back and think about the good [parts of the relationship], and then analyze everything, even more so with relationship loss than with death.” —Gina Moffa, LCSW, grief counselor

Just as is true with any type of grief, there’s no set sequence or order of emotional phases you’re bound to experience after a breakup. As unique, layered, and nuanced as breakups can be, so goes healing and recovery.

Even so, there are some hallmark emotional stages of a breakup that you can expect to encounter, says Thompson, including sadness, resentment, and anger. And you could feel them all in the course of a day, or even an hour… or perhaps much, much longer; some days, you might be caught in a rumination spiral, and others might find you overcome with sadness. And maybe on other days, you could feel remarkably complacent and accepting of the relationship being over.

In any case, grieving is a process. And according to both Thompson and Moffa, fully feeling and embracing your emotions—and being patient and kind to yourself as you oscillate between them—is all part of it. “This cycle is what leads to more compassion, more self-love, and changes within us that allow us to progress to the point where we can search for love again,” says Moffa. The important thing to remember? You’re not on any specific timetable for getting to that point.

The 5 emotional stages of processing and healing from a breakup

1. Rumination

According to Moffa, ruminating after a breakup is typically about trying to make sense of what happened, and it consists of analyzing (and re-analyzing) the ups, downs, and in-betweens of your ex-partnership. “Before they do anything else, people tend to spend a lot of time going over all the details from start to finish,” says Moffa. One common reason why? To assess whether the breakup was “their fault or yours,” says Thompson, adding that the answer is almost always that each person played a part.

Aside from searching for someone to blame, you might find yourself thinking about all the good times you shared with your ex, which is what Moffa calls “positive recall.” While it’s helpful to recognize the upsides of the relationship, harping on these positive memories can also make you feel worse about the relationship ending. In that realm, you might also “ruminate about how you could get them back or make them feel bad about why they [broke up with you],” she says.

2. Resentment and anger

You may harbor resentment toward your former partner if you feel they wasted your time or that you wasted your efforts with this person, says Thompson. And depending on how and why the relationship ended—whether they wronged you or hurt you in any way—you may naturally feel some anger toward this person for their misgivings.

3. Sadness

At the heart of the grieving process is sadness, which can be for any number of different reasons: sadness that the person is no longer in your life, that the relationship didn’t work out as planned, that the life you envisioned with this person will not come to fruition. It’s also possible that you find yourself mourning the loss of future plans and companionship, and the fact that you’re single more than the actual departure of this specific person from your life, adds Thompson.

In any case, the sadness can also show up in plenty of different ways, says Moffa. You might find that you withdraw from activities or isolate from your friends to take some time to heal, or that you have issues sleeping. “Sometimes, our self-esteem also drops during this phase, and we question our worth, even if momentarily,” she adds.

4. Reflection

As you heal from the breakup, you might gain access to some introspection. “This is where people start to look at their choices and question their patterns,” says Moffa. Perhaps you might realize, with enough distance from the sadness and/or anger of the breakup, that you have a history of choosing partners who are emotionally unavailable, or you begin to reflect on the ways in which you tend to violate your own boundaries to accommodate significant others.

This phase represents a turning point in the journey to healing your heart and mind, says Moffa. Examining your own choices, she says, can ease you into the next step of recovery. “Whether that step is to get outside help or support, to commit to changing certain patterns, or even to go take classes in Krav Maga and get your fierceness back, that self-reflection cycle slides into the state of acceptance and growth,” she says. And some forward momentum typically follows.

5. Acceptance

Acceptance is a state of mind in which you’re “no longer resisting what’s happened,” says Moffa. This isn’t to say you will no longer feel pain, or sadness, or anger—you still might. It’s just that when you hit this emotional stage of a breakup, you’re ready to think about and actively pursue your life beyond the former relationship, says Thompson.

This will feel and look different for everyone; perhaps, you decide you’re ready to download a dating app, or you commit to staying single for a while and practicing self-love and self-compassion. There’s no one right way to embrace this phase, nor is there a timeline for arriving at it. The only requirement is that it opens a door to life beyond your ex.

You’re not alone. Reddit is full of posts where users are asking how to cope with their regret when they don’t exercise. One pre-COVID study even found that 78 percent of participants felt less accomplished when they missed a workout.

One source to blame is fitness culture. You’ve probably seen it: the pressure in magazines, advertisements, and other media to take “no days off” and “crush your workouts.”

But those messages largely benefit companies wanting to make money, not you or your health. Even some personal trainers aren’t fans of this kind of rhetoric.

“Our fitness culture puts an enormous (and unnecessary) emphasis on following a specific program or maintaining a ‘streak,’” says Rachel Trotta, a NASM-certified personal trainer. “This puts pressure on people to have a high level of workout adherence, which can trigger anxiety if you struggle with perfectionism.”

She adds that the anxiety—and even shame—that may result can lead us to procrastinate future workouts, too. Exercise can become a big “to-do” in our minds, and instead of just putting on our shoes and heading out for a walk, we wait until we feel up for a high intensity interval session, but that starts to feel harder and harder to do. It’s an awful cycle of guilt, then skipping another workout, then more guilt, and so on.

Does this sound a bit too relatable? Check out the following tips that can help you handle the discomfort and get your stride back.

1. Identify distortions in your thought patterns

Self-talk makes a significant impact on our thoughts, mood, and actions. Evan Lawrence, LMHC, a therapist with Choosing Therapy, explains that emotional distress comes in when we take a fact—such as “I didn’t go to the gym today”—and tell ourselves something about that fact, such as “I am not a responsible person.”

When you notice this pattern, he recommends reminding yourself of evidence that disputes the idea. “For example, if you realize you are telling yourself ‘I am not a responsible person,’ you can remind yourself of other times or aspects where you are/were responsible,” he suggests.

2. Remind yourself of how important rest is

Even though rest may not feel productive or “healthy,” it is. More than that, it’s necessary. “The truth is that it is easier to meet fitness goals when we allow our bodies to rest,” says Kerry Heath, LPC-S, NCC, a counselor with Choosing Therapy. She encourages listening to your body. “Working out when we need to honor our bodies through rest or recovery actually keeps us farther from our health goals.” In fact, rest and recovery can boost performance, repair muscles, reduce injury risk, and more.

Additionally, Heath encourages reminding yourself that a few workouts aren’t a “make or break” situation that affects your overall progress toward your long-term goals—and this truth goes for everyone. “Even professional athletes miss workouts due to travel, illness, or holidays,” she says. “It’s a matter of overall consistency versus perfection.”

Trotta points out that cardiovascular endurance only starts to drop after about a week of no training, and for strength training, that time frame is more like two to three weeks. “A day or two of rest has no effect—or could possibly have a positive impact—on your performance,” she says.

3. Remember the reasons behind your decision

Lawrence talks about making an active choice. In other words, “take time to think about your decision, then choose what to do based on the data available,” he explains.

For example, as non-diet, Health at Every Size-aligned, certified personal trainer Barb Puzanovova discussed in an article for Well+Good on “half-assed wellness,” it’s important to consider other factors from the day that affect how you feel and what you need. “If…you’re tired, kind of hungry, drank mostly coffee, and [are] super stressed, then it’s time to half-ass,” she says. “And if you’re somewhere in between—stressed but slept okay—then experiment with what’s planned and give yourself permission to back off [or] change the game plan.”

What does that look like in practice, though? For one, maybe reminding yourself after a sleepless night and busy day that your body needs rest most, and reading a book in bed. Or maybe after a stressful day, you’re more in the mood for a yoga class than weightlifting. Or maybe you want the energy boost of a bootcamp workout. Any of these options are totally valid!

The reasoning behind your choices is what you have to fall back on. “When you feel the cloud of guilt overhead you, remind yourself why you chose to do this today,” Lawrence says. “You can still remind yourself of the reasons you were debating, but I have found that it is a lot stronger when we make purposeful decisions that we can mentally support.”

4. Let yourself simply move on

One of Trotta’s big tips for clients is to avoid “making up” missed workouts. “The pile-up that ensues can be even more depressing than missing one or two workouts,” she says. “An incredibly important part of habit formation is enjoying exercise, and we tend not to enjoy things that we feel we’re failing at.” Instead, she encourages clients to “simply move on to the next one when the time is right.”

Along these lines, aiming for perfection actually isn’t helpful, according to Trotta. “Perfectionism procrastinates, waiting for the ideal time to ‘do it right,’” she says. “Sometimes, workouts are consistently skipped because they are too ambitious for your schedule, lifestyle, or energy.” Habits that are genuinely healthy are flexible, she says, promoting consistency over intensity.

TL;DR: Try to not feel bad about hitting the couch instead of the gym when that’s what you’re feeling. After all, exercise is just one of many ways we take care of our minds and bodies.

“Honey is the oldest skin-care ingredient and has been used extensively for both medical and skin-care purposes,” says Neil Sadick, MD, a board-certified dermatologist in New York City.

3 benefits of honey for lips

1. It’s moisturizing

“Honey is a natural emollient and humectant,” says Jana Blankenship, herbalist and author of Wild Beauty ($16). This means that it moisturizes your pout in two different ways, explains Tiffany Libby, MD, a board-certified dermatologist in Rhode Island. “Humectants help hydrate and draw moisture into the skin,” says Dr. Libby. “Emollients are moisturizers that add oil to the skin to help soften, smooth, and repair the skin barrier. Any product that does this is considered an emollient, so some humectants and occlusives are also emollients.”

2. It’s soothing

Honey has antibacterial properties, anti-inflammatory properties, and it nurtures the skin, says Dr. Sadick. This makes it great for healing and soothing chapped lips. 

3. It’s full of antioxidants

Honey is full of antioxidants and “antioxidants are often considered the fountain of youth by skin-care professionals and experts,” says Victoria Lewis, medical esthetician in New York City. “They protect, prevent, and limit free radical damage, and some assist with hydration and inflammation. Not only will your skin be better looking, but it will also be healthier in general.”

Condition, smooth, and nourish your lips with one of the six honey lip balms, glosses, and oils below.

6 honey lip balms, glosses, and oils to try

Gisou, Lip Oil Golden Shimmer Glow — $32.00

Give your lips a stunning glow with this new shimmer-infused lip oil from Gisou. It’s made with honey and hyaluronic acid to intensely hydrate and condition lips. The pearlescent shimmer is super fine so your lips will reflect light and glow without over-the-top sparkle. It’s in a gorgeous golden shade that adds a bit of warmth to your pout.

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Burt's Bees, Lip Gloss — $7.00

Burt’s Bees, aka the honey-infused skin-care OGs, have the perfect lip gloss if you’re looking for something with color. The formula blends honey with moisturizing apricot wax and softening sunflower seed oil to nourish your lips. It’s available in six pretty shades ranging from pinks, nudes, reds, and plums.

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I'm From, Honey Lip Balm — $20.00

Made with honey harvested from Mount Jiri, Korea, this balm protects lips from external irritation while deeply hydrating and nourishing. It has a non-greasy, non-sticky finish and can also be used as an overnight lip mask, a dry-elbow salve, or a cuticle softener.

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Nuxe, Rêve de Miel — $21.00

Made with lavender honey from Provence, France, this clear lip oil drenches your pout in moisture while leaving behind a subtle, not-sticky shine. The honey in this formula is enhanced with organic camelina oil, which is rich in nourishing omegas 3 and 6.

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Farmacy, Honey Butter Beeswax Lip Balm — $12.00

In this formula, Farmacy’s proprietary honey blend soothes lips while moisturizing and providing antioxidant protection. Plus, beeswax conditions lips and seals in moisture while cupuaçu and cocoa butters provide long-lasting hydration.

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Eczema Honey, Nourishing Lip Balm — $7.00

This nourishing lip balm locks in moisture and keeps them soft whether your experiencing typical dryness or in the midst of an eczema flare.  It’s made with organic honey, beeswax, mango butter, and colloidal oatmeal
to soothe dry and cracked lips.

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What is the afternoon slump, and how does it affect you?

The afternoon slump refers to that period in the afternoon when you feel especially tired, typically after lunch. Thank your circadian rhythm, the 24-hour internal clock that lets the body know when it should be awake and asleep. Each person’s is unique, and it’s influenced by different factors that can contribute to how awake and alert you are throughout the day, such as your habits.

“In that 24-hour cycle, there is a known slight dip in the level of alertness in the mid-afternoon, commonly known as the mid-afternoon or post-prandial slump,” sleep specialist Angela Holliday-Bell, MD previously told Well+Good. “Alertness subsequently increases and then dips more significantly as the late evening comes around.” You may feel it especially acutely after lunch, especially if you eat a carb-heavy meal and/or are an early morning riser, according to research.

While everyone’s antidote for the afternoon slump will likely be different, there are certain activities that are supportive of kickstarting your energy, such as exercise or a targeted nap. But your zodiac sign, aka your sun sign, can shine some light on the best way for you to beat the afternoon slump because it takes into account the particular mannerisms, habits, and traits you possess. When you’re looking for ideas to beat the afternoon slump, why not turn to the cosmos for inspiration?

How your zodiac sign affects your work and rest needs

According to Alexandria Lettman, astrologer and founder of spiritual-wellness platform Jupiter Jewel, the sun sign gives particularly helpful insights into how you work and rest because it represents your “conscious self and your identity, and how you approach and engage with life,” she says.

Because your sun sign colors your personality, the characteristics associated with your sign impact your habits and tendencies, for example how you tackle productivity and rest. “Using your sun sign, you can see what you need when your energy is lacking and what influences your energy to lack,” Lettman says.

“Using your sun sign, you can see what you need when your energy is lacking and what influences your energy to lack.”—astrologer Alexandria Lettman

Each zodiac sign is imbued with certain traits as a result of the various components that contribute to what they’re like, such as the modality and element of each. For example, Capricorn’s status as a cardinal sign means it kicks off its season and has major self-starting energy, plus its earth sign association means it’s grounded and unwavering—these characteristics feed Capricorn’s reputation as an ambitious, hard-working sign that can sometimes struggle to let loose. Its ruling planet, Saturn, is associated with tenacity, productivity, and ambition, which makes sense when you consider the overall traits associated with Capricorn.

Read on for star-sanctioned insights from Lettman and astrologer Celeste Brooks about the best way for each zodiac sign to keep their energy levels up post-lunch.

The best way for each zodiac sign to beat the afternoon slump

Aries

Aries, your cardinal fire sign energy means you burn brightly and intensely all day long, so Brooks suggests moving your body with a quick and fun workout to get the wheels turning again if you feel a dip. “Moving fire is a great way to reignite that spark,” she says. Try a quick midday workout that’ll get your blood pumping and heart racing. Your ruling planet Mars, which is associated with action and drive, would approve.

Taurus

Taurus, you’re an earth sign known for your steadfastness and your ability to plow ahead and work steadily. However, that same element and your ruling planet Venus, which is associated with beauty and pleasure, means you’re deeply in touch with all of your senses. Let yourself experience all the sights, smells, and sensations beyond your door by taking yourself on a walk, suggests Lettman. The benefits of walking are numerous, so it’s an activity that’ll help best the midday slump and then some. “You’re very diligent and hardworking, but you work quite slowly, so a change of scenery will really boost your energy,” says Lettman.

Gemini

Gemini, being an air sign and having communication-focused Mercury as your planetary ruler means you “spend a lot of time in your head,” says Brooks. You’re deeply curious, but this can sometimes dip into overthinking, so plan to calm your mind with a midday mindfulness moment. “Take a break and do something to get out of your head and into your body, like a five minute meditation or breathwork exercise,” she says. Try a micro-meditation for a quick burst of calm and to re-center.

Cancer

Cancer, you’re a deeply emotional water sign (the moon is your ruling planet, after all) who loves to care for everyone before yourself. Eating in the afternoon is a good way to power through the midday slump. Make sure you’re accounted for and nourished by treating yourself with a little self-care in the form of a your favorite treat, suggests Lettman. If you’re away from home during the day, make time to pick up something nice from your go-to spot. If you spend your afternoons at home, consider whipping up a batch of beautiful ube brownies or protein cookie dough to satisfy a sweet tooth. If salty is more your style, top tortilla chips with easy air fryer salsa or make a two-ingredient yogurt bread.

Leo

Leo, with the sun as your ruler and your status as a fire sign, it’s no wonder you like to be in the spotlight. When you feel your energy lag at midday, Brooks recommends calling a friend for a pep talk. Building and maintaining social bonds and friendships is important for overall health and wellness, and quality conversations with friends are part of this. Share your wins and frustrations from the day. “You have this desire to be admired and validated, so check in with someone who’s going to appreciate you and all you’ve done,” says Brooks.

Virgo

Virgo, you’re known to be extremely meticulous and organized and have a keen eye for details. Thank your earth element, which is responsible for your attentiveness, and your planetary ruler Mercury imbues you with your super star-level ability to plan. Mess and disorganization stress you out and you relish bringing order to chaos, so both Lettman and Brooks recommend you beat the afternoon slump with a small tidying or organizing project.

“You’ll get overwhelmed if it gets to the afternoon and your desk is a mess or dishes are piled up in the sink,” says Lettman. “Tidying up and cleaning your space will make sure there are no distractions that cause you stress.” Pick one task that will save you from a headache later on, like organizing your kitchen or tackling household chores, and make a project of it.

Libra

Libra, having Venus as your ruling planet makes you especially well-suited to socializing. You typically gain energy from your interactions with others, but you have a tough time taking a stand for fear of causing conflict or disappointment. For this reason, Lettman recommends you beat the afternoon slump by taking some time to be alone with your thoughts and journaling. “As a creative and intellectual air sign, journaling could be a valuable tool to break up their day and help them explore their thoughts and feelings,” she says.

Scorpio

Scorpio, having outer Pluto, the planet of transformations, sex, and death, plus your emotional water sign energy means you’re singularly devoted to those you love—once you open up. You bring this intensity to your work and your playtime, so Lettman recommends you find time for a restorative nap to recharge from the afternoon slump. “You’re naturally ambitious, passionate, and energized at work so you should take a nap to restore your energy,” she says. Make your space dark and cool, and set a timer for 30 minutes to allow yourself some time to nod off and catch some zzzs.

Sagittarius

You’re the zodiac’s adventurer, Sagittarius, and your outgoing and spontaneous fire element energy lends itself to your pursuit of experiences—it doesn’t hurt that Jupiter, the planet of luck and abundance, is your planetary ruler. You get bored when you don’t have activities or some fascinating excursion in the works, so Lettman recommends you beat the afternoon slump by making plans for when you’re off the clock—whether that’s tonight, or in the future for a vacation. “If you’ve got somewhere you’re going at the end of the day or after work, it’ll keep you motivated and inspired to work toward something,” she says. Book a dinner or happy hour reservation, round up some friends to see a movie, or even take time to ideate an itinerary for some R&R.

Capricorn

Capricorn, it’s no secret you work really hard—that’s the combination of your go-getter cardinal modality, determined earth element, and ruling planet Saturn at play. To give yourself a lift to deal with the afternoon slump, both Lettman and Brooks advise you find a way to check out and unwind. “You need to switch off your mind and distract yourself from fixating on your responsibilities,” says Lettman. Make time to do something totally unrelated to productivity that’s just pure fun, for example listening to your favorite song or harnessing the physical and mental benefits of dancing it out.

Aquarius

As an intellectually driven air sign ruled by Uranus, the planet of innovation, Aquarius, you care a lot about others and the world around you. Beat the afternoon slump by carving out time to read about something new and interesting to you, says Brooks. You’re fascinated by innovation and what’s good for the collective, so pick up a book, magazine, or newspaper and see what’s happening in the world. “Take a break to investigate something you’re interested in,” she says.

Pisces

Pisces, you get your dreaminess and creativity from your ruling planet Neptune, which has to do with illusions and dreams, and your emotional depths from being a water sign. Beat the afternoon slump and nourish your mind and heart by indulging in your creative pursuit of choice, suggests Brooks. “You’re a dreamer, so if you’re being so focused at work you really need to bring some creative energy to the midday, like a little drawing or doodling,” she says. Carve out time to do whatever creative activity nourishes you, whether it’s writing, crochet, painting, using a drawing journal—pick whichever activity gets those creative juices flowing.

Experts say there is evidence that regularly taking certain herbal extracts that fall under the adaptogen umbrella can reduce stress over time. However, the likelihood that picking up an adaptogenic soda or tea will immediately induce a sense of calm, as so much of the marketing of these beverages imply, is slim to none.

The appeal of these promises is totally understandable. Something to relax you that won’t get you drunk or high? A dream! But fast-acting, short-term change is simply not how these herbs work.

That doesn’t mean adaptogens can’t add value to your life. You just have to be discerning about the products you go for, and somewhat disciplined about regularly taking them, in order to potentially see a meaningful effect.

What are adaptogens?

Adaptogens are a class of herbs that affect your response to stress. They’re grouped together by what they do, rather than what they are.

“There are probably hundreds upon hundreds [of adaptogens], they just haven’t been studied or identified yet,” Joseph Mather, MD, a physician and functional medicine practitioner, says. “They’re generally a class of herbal medications that have stress-balancing effects.”

Some well known adaptogens are ashwagandha, rhodiola, reishi mushrooms, ginseng, cordyceps, and others. They have roots in Ayurvedic and Chinese medicine. You can see a comprehensive list compiled by the U.S. Department of Veteran Affairs’ Whole Health Library here.

What do adaptogens do?

Experts say adaptogens bring balance to a person’s stress response. For example, if a person is highly anxious, they might respond more strongly to stressors. So adaptogens purportedly can make their stress responses more measured.

“We use cortisol as the main marker for stress hormones, [and] if the main stress hormone is too low, the herbal medicine can bring it up,” Dr. Mather says. “And if it’s too high, it can bring it down.”

Judith Pentz, MD, an associate professor in the department of psychiatry at the University of New Mexico, who practices integrative and holistic psychiatry, explains that these herbs act upon the the hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal axis (HPA axis), affecting the amount of cortisol we secrete, and subsequently, other factors like blood pressure.

“It helps to stabilize the HPA axis and reset the system so that the body can manage the stress according to its need,” Dr. Pentz says.

How do adaptogens work?

Unlike pharmaceuticals that have a very targeted mechanism, Dr. Mather says that herbs work on a systemic level, with multiple active ingredients affecting our bodies as a whole. This is why adaptogens can also act upon the immune system—a system which incidentally has a symbiotic relationship with stress.

Additionally, different herbal extracts may have different active ingredients causing these effects. However, some researchers posit that molecules called glycosides, which can impact heart rate, may come into play.

That said, taking an adaptogenic herb once probably won’t do anything. To work, you have to take a consistent amount of a high enough dose at regular intervals, consistently over time.

“Any of these herbs can be beneficial, but there’s a dose dependence in connection with it,” Dr. Pentz says. “Many of these actually need to be taken daily for the benefit to be noticed over time.”

What is the scientific evidence that adaptogens can reduce stress?

While varieties of adaptogens abound, when it comes to actual evidence for the efficacy of adaptogens, not all adaptogens are created equal. That’s partially because the class of herbs is so broad that they’re difficult to study as a whole.

“These are whole herbs we’re talking about,” Dr. Pentz says. “They have many, many ways that they interface with the body and the brain. And each one is very specific as to what they do. So it’s really hard to create a global perspective, because each one has its strengths.”

When assessing whether to recommend an adaptogen to patients, Dr. Mather looks for “randomized, placebo-controlled trials and better yet, you want to be using adaptogens that have a meta-analysis where they grouped many randomized, placebo-controlled trials.” (He also looks to make sure they were not funded by supplement makers.)

Dr. Mather is confident in the efficacy of ashwagandha in particular. He says two gold-standard meta-analyses—one from 2022, and the other from 2014—demonstrate that taking ashwagandha changes biomarkers related to stress (including cortisol levels) and inflammation, and has an impact on several different methods of measuring mood, and mental health over time.

“When clinicians are looking to give herbal medications to patients, we really want to see that there is really robust evidence showing that it helps, and that’s what we have for ashwagandha,” Dr. Mather says. “We know it works.”

Rhodiola is another fairly well-studied herb, says Dr. Pentz.

“There is still a need for larger clinical studies, but [rhodiola] has been shown to be safe and effective to treat mild to moderate depression,” Dr. Pentz says. “It also was shown to have a slightly faster onset than pharmaceutical [medicine].”

What to look for in an adaptogen

If you want to get any sort of benefit from an adaptogenic beverage or supplement other than tasting good or making you feel good about yourself, there are a few things to keep in mind.

Select the right adaptogen for your needs, and take enough of it

The dosage should be significant—which probably isn’t actually the case in most adaptogenic beverages.

“One needs to be careful about using herbs, but the dose that’s probably present in these drinks is at a non-risk level,” Dr. Pentz says. “For an impact to happen you need a minimum amount of milligrams for the benefit to be seen. And for the beverage to be labeled ‘non-medical,’ they have to be careful with how much they put in there.”

When determining the right dosage—as well as the right adaptogen or adaptogen blend—you’ll probably want to work with a medical professional to assess, as you go along, whether the herbs are having any effect.

“Each of these really needs to be offered to the person according to their age and health and wellbeing as opposed to a panacea for everybody,” Dr. Pentz says.

There’s no one ideal adaptogen dose for all people. However, studies of rhodiola and adaptogens have administered doses between 150 and 350 milligrams, one or two times a day.

Buy from reputable sources

For supplements, you’ll want to make sure a third party body has validated that what the product says is in the supplement is actually in there. Since the supplement industry lacks oversight, labels aren’t always reliable. But if you want something to work for you, make sure, ya know, you’re actually taking the herb you think you’re taking.

Be wary of adaptogenic beverage marketing claims (or implications)

Avoid products that imply fast-acting results, because this is a fundamentally misleading claim.

“Herbs really work more in terms of the long run as opposed to short term,” Dr. Pentz says. “It’s a total body response for herbs, and it takes a while because it actually helps to create adjustments in the nervous system, in the hormonal system, for the overall benefit to manifest. So it’s working at a molecular level to instill change in the human body and brain, and that takes time.”

“Herbs really work more in terms of the long run as opposed to short term.” —Judith Pentz, MD

So no, sipping on a drink with adaptogens won’t cause you to feel less stressed in the moment.

Know it’s a tool, not a fix

Finally, know that adaptogens are just one way to address your mental health, and that addressing underlying stressors in your life is important to do in addition to finding a way to modulate your response to stress with adapatogens.

“It’s a tool, not the solution to the problem,” Dr. Mather says. “It’s really important to use tools like adaptogens or antidepressants or therapy to feel better, so that you can then do the work.”

Until I used the Knesko Nanogold Repair Collagen Lip Mask ($19). I had heard of the buzzy Knesko face masks, beloved by seemingly every celebrity under the sun (Kim Kardashian, Chrissy Teigen, Jessica Alba–just to rattle off a few), but I never actually tried them. But then I had what was one of the best facials of my life at the Serrano Spa at the Yaamava’ Resort. My facialist totally transformed my skin from dull and dry to bright and revived. I asked her what products she recommended for me, and she said the Knesko face masks. I bought a few Knesko face and lip masks for a rainy day (super smart on my part!).

Knesko, Nanogold Repair Collagen Lip Mask — $19.00

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Because fast forward to a few weeks ago during which my lips were experiencing a dry spell, the masks really came in handy. I think it had to do with the air quality in Los Angeles, but all I know is that every single balm, scrub or mask I used not only didn’t work–but was making it worse (the formulas just irritated the skin more, leaving my lips even more wizened). Then I remembered the Knesko masks in my bathroom drawer.

I put the lip mask on, left it on for about 30 minutes and then massaged the excess serum into my lips. Immediately they felt soothed, but I was blown away when I woke up the next morning and they were essentially repaired. I’ve rarely seen results that quickly from any type of mask, ever.

What my lips looked like after:

Now, let’s talk price. A single lip mask is $19, which isn’t exactly cheap. But I will say, a $19 mask that actually works is so much less expensive than a $8 one that doesn’t do anything. So I reached out to my facialist, Amanda Labrecque, the lead esthetician at the Serrano Spa to explain what specifically about the Knesko Nano Gold face masks sets them apart from others.

“Ingredients always come first for me,” explains Labrecque. “I love the high concentration of hyaluronic acid, niacinamide, and Vitamin E in the Nano Gold mask. But what really sets it apart is the mask itself. They’re made from biodegradable hydrogel (like those jelly masks you see on TikTok/IG), they hold 10 times more ingredients than your standard sheet mask, and react with your body temperature for maximum absorption.” So it’s really the high quality material of the physical mask that allows the high-end ingredients to maximize their effectiveness.

After the huge success with the lip mask, I tried out the Nanogold Repair Collagen Face Mask ($47), which works very similarly to the lip mask—but it’s pricier of course because it’s a full-face mask versus a smaller lip mask. I loved it because it comes in two parts—top and bottom—so you can easily mold it to your face for maximum coverage.

If you’re at a loss, you’re not alone. Many people aren’t aware of the definitions, let alone the differences, between annuals and perennials. In short, it all comes down to flowers that come back every year and, well, those that don’t.

“The biggest difference between annual and perennial plants is that annual plants live for one growing season, while perennial plants regrow for multiple seasons,” says Rebecca Sears, CMO and resident green thumb at Ferry-Morse.

While your first instinct may be to assume that plants that return year after year are the clear choice, gardening experts actually recommend a combination of the two for the most stunning garden.

“Both annuals and perennials deserve a spot in your garden,” says PlantIn resident botanist Lotte Berendsen. “Especially with so many beautiful plants to grow, you don’t want to miss out on either variety.”

Speaking of varieties, below you’ll find 23 beginner-friendly annual and perennial flowers to incorporate into your garden.

Annual flowers

Annual flowers are known for their bright colors and quick blooms. “Annuals are often beautiful, showy flowers that grow from bulbs or seeds,” Berendsen says. “They bloom during the [spring and] summer, then die in winter, and must be replaced yearly.”

The upside of growing annuals is that they give you the opportunity to explore different color palettes and varieties. “Growing annuals can also allow gardeners to temporarily fill bare spots within their garden without committing long term,” Sears says. The downside of annual flowers is that they can require a bit more work at the start of each season. “But their quickness to bloom and ability to continue blooming for extended periods of time make the extra watering and maintenance worth it,” she says.

Looking to add some to your garden? Consider the easy-to-grow varieties—recommended directly by our gardening experts—below.

Calibrachoa

“If you want to add hanging baskets to your garden, calibrachoa trail beautifully, offering vibrant flowers that bloom from late spring to early frost,” Sears says. “These flowers grow best in full sun and moist soil, so be sure to water them once the top inch of soil feels dry.”

Canna lilies

“Canna lilies are stunning flowers that can be grown annually anywhere in the world,” Berendsen says. “They must be kept moist during their growing season from summer to fall and enjoy frequent fertilization.”

Celosias

“These unique, feathery blooms will bring color and texture into any garden,” Berendsen says. “They come in many colors, making finding a bloom that matches your garden plan easy. Like most flowers, celosias enjoy full sun and frequent watering.”

Cosmos

“Cosmos is a plant that produces bountiful blooms perfect for cutting,” Sears says. “The frilly leaves create a casual, cottage-garden look. Once established, you will not need to water your cosmos plants unless there is a prolonged drought, or they are grown in containers.”

Lobelias

“If you have garden beds that require some color, and blue happens to be your favorite color, consider adding lobelias,” Berendsen says. “They can grow anywhere from full sun to partial shade and require moist soil as most plants do.”

Marigold

“Great for edging, window boxes, or containers, marigolds thrive in partial shade and only require watering once per week, or slightly more often when temperatures are higher in the summer months,” Sears says.

Nasturtium

“These fragrant flowers blossom in a beautiful variety of colors, growing best when watered sparingly with access to full sunlight,” Sears says.

Petunias

“Petunias provide vividly-colored blooms throughout the gardening season,” Sears says. “They’re available in an array of colors and trailing habits. They love full sun but are otherwise undemanding.” For best results, she says to water thoroughly once a week.

Poppies

“These funky, red blooms thrive in well-drained soil and don’t need to be watered much,” Berendsen says. “Once a week during the growing season will do the trick.” Pro tip: “To get the most out of your poppies, deadhead them after blooming,” Berendsen says. “This way, they will produce new blooms, and you can enjoy them for longer.”

Sunflowers

“Perfect for tall, blooming backyards and screens for unsightly places, sunflowers require about an inch of water per week, as well as six to eight hours of direct sunlight per day, but are a beautiful, classic addition to any garden,” Sears says.

Zinnia

“Zinnias are bright, vibrant flowers that are perfect when cut for bouquets,” Sears says. “They require full sunlight and moist soil to grow their best, making it essential to water deeply a few times a week.”

Perennial flowers

While annuals have a short lifespan, perennials come back every year, typically for 10 to 20 years. “Many gardeners look at perennial flowers as a great investment, as they return year after year and offer additional benefits such as creating welcoming habitats for local pollinators,” Sears says.

In addition to blooming for years to come, perennial herbs and flowers are also very easy to care for. “Once they’re planted, they will continue to grow with limited maintenance for multiple seasons,” Sears says. “Though that’s not to say that perennials require no care, as the occasional pruning can go a long way to encourage new growth and lead to fuller plants.”

Where annuals can be grown all over the country and world, Berendsen says that perennials require being planted in a climate where they can thrive. “When choosing perennials for your garden, ensure your plants can grow in your USDA Hardiness Zone, otherwise, they will inevitably freeze to death,” she says.

There are two downsides of perennials. For starters, depending on the flower, the blooms can last anywhere from just two to three weeks (so significantly shorter than even annuals) for up to three months. While three months of color is great, it’s a bummer when blooms are super short-lived. What’s more, since perennials don’t die at frost, they require care during winter in order to look their best come spring. “They usually need additional pruning, winter protection care, and pest prevention, which is something to keep in mind,” Berendsen says.

Ready to fill your garden with never-ending blooms? Berendsen and Sears share their top picks, below.

Beebalm (Monarda didyma)

“Beebalm is a beautiful plant to add to a wildland garden or flower bed,” Berendsen says. “What I particularly love about this plant is that it, as its name suggests, attracts pollinators like bees, but also hummingbirds and butterflies.” Just keep in mind that it blooms best in perpetually wet soil. “So make sure to keep it watered throughout the dry, hot summer months,” she says.

Butterfly weed

“Attract beautiful butterflies to your garden with these perennials,” Sears says. “Although the plant requires full sunlight, low soil moisture is needed for them to thrive, meaning you won’t need to water them frequently.”

Carnation

“These drought-tolerant flowers only require watering once per week and six hours of sun per day, making them easy to care for while still delivering beautiful, vibrant blooms,” Sears says.

Columbine

“These perennials require little care, preferring cooler weather and full sun, but once established these plants only require watering about once a week,” Sears says.

Coneflower

According to Sears, coneflowers are the hardiest perennial flower. “They are extremely hardy perennials, as they’re tolerant of heat, humidity, drought, and poor soil,” she says. “They will continue to bloom each year without too much maintenance and are valued for their ability to attract pollinators, bringing butterflies, bees and birds into the garden while also adding a pop of color to brighten up a space.”

Daylily

“If you live in zones three up to nine, the daylily will thrive in your garden,” Berendsen says. “Like any other flower, the daylily enjoys direct sunlight. Aim for six or more hours daily and keep the soil slightly moist throughout spring and summer.”

Foxglove

“Foxgloves thrive in full sun or partial shade and require an inch of water per week,” Sears says. “It’s important to remember that these perennials are toxic if eaten and are best used for backgrounds or woodland plantings.”

Hens and chicks

“If you have a rock garden and live in USDA zones three to nine, you should not miss out on this adorable flowering perennial,” Berendsen says. “They must be in well-drained, sandy soil and are drought-tolerant, making them an excellent plant for forgetful gardeners.”

Hollyhock

“Hollyhocks are biennials that self-sow prolifically, behaving like perennials in the garden,” Sears says. “They grow from 5 to 9 feet tall, making them ideal for a flower bed backdrop. They produce beautiful spikes of flowers loved by pollinators; cut them back for a second bloom in-season.” Pro gardening tip: Don’t confuse biennials with biannuals! Where biennials take two years to complete their bloom cycle, biannuals bloom twice per year.

Pasque flower

“Look no further if you are looking for a plant that gives you tons of blooms,” Berendsen says. “The pasque flower can produce up to 30 blossoms during its growing season.” For best results, she says to plant this flower in nutrient-rich, well-drained soil, making sure to keep it moist. “It also enjoys a sunny spot,” she adds.

Rex begonia

Rex begonias might be popular houseplants but they can also grow in gardens in USDA zones seven to 12, Berendsen says. “This plant has uniquely-colored and -shaped leaves and puts out adorable little flowers during the summer months,” she adds.

Just remember: They like regular watering and to be grown in shady areas. “They make a tremendous semi-shade plant for around your garden seating area,” Berendsen says.

Shasta daisy

“A classic flower for any garden, shasta daisies feature glistening white petals and buttery-yellow centers that will return year after year,” Sears says. “They will need regular watering when planted, but once established they only need to be watered when temperatures are high and if your area is getting less than one inch of rainfall per week.” Just make sure to plant them in bright spots, as Seara says they require full sun to thrive.

When to plant annuals and perennials

Now that you’re brushed up on the pros and cons of annuals vs. perennials—and now that you have tons of gorgeous flowers and plants top of mind—you might want to make a beeline to your local garden center. Before doing so, there are a few things you’ll want to know.

While annuals can be planted as seeds in early spring and grow into bloom in less than three months, most people reach for pre-planted flowers that they can then transplant into the pot or garden bed of their choosing. It’s easier and tends to offer instant gratification. That said, growing flowers from seeds can be quite satisfying.

Regardless of how you choose to plant and grow your annuals and perennials, the most important thing you’ll want to keep in mind is your frost dates. For annuals, wait for the last frost to pass before planting seeds or transplanting plants in spring; for perennials, plant mature plants at least six to eight weeks before the fall frost date to ensure they’re rooted by the time temperatures significantly drop, and plant seeds in spring after the last frost. If you ignore these rules, your seeds and plants will freeze and potentially die, rendering your planting efforts useless.

The takeaway

The annual vs. perennial debate all comes down to the type of garden maintenance you want to achieve as well the overall appearance of your outdoor space. Generally speaking, a variety of both annuals and perennials will make for the most diverse, picture-perfect garden.

Thankfully, razors have come a long way over the years. One notable innovation being weighted razors, which offer a smoother and more comfortable shaving experience. The secret lies in the weighted handle of the razor, so there’s no need to apply excessive pressure or force while shaving. This design feature makes the razor much gentler on the skin, reducing the chances of tugging and pulling.

According to board-certified dermatologist, Andrea Hui Austin, MD: “A weighted razor helps prevent ingrown hairs and cuts, while also providing gentle exfoliation for rough skin.” The uniquely weighted handle allows for more precise hand control, especially in curved areas. Additionally, “most weighted razors are single-blade, which prevents pulling of the skin and provides a smoother finish, making them particularly effective in preventing ingrown hairs, especially for individuals with sensitive skin,” says Dr. Austin.

Currently, the leading brand in weighted razors is Hanni, founded by Leslie Tessler with the goal of introducing women to the concept of a “proper shave.” Tessler’s inspiration stemmed from observing a stylish Japanese woman receiving a traditional shave in a men’s barber shop in Tokyo on a business trip. The woman’s face was delicately shaved using soap, a brush, and a single-edged barber’s blade. “Mind you, this was before dermaplaning became mainstream, so I had never seen anything like it,” Tessler recalls. “I decided to try it myself, and after experiencing my first shave with a single blade, I was immediately blown away by the incredible exfoliation it provided. From that point on, I never looked back.”

Hanni, The Weighted Razor — $42.00

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Why weighted razors are the way to go when it comes to hair removal

“So many of us are using plastic razors that just don’t cut it, but don’t realize there’s a better alternative out there,” Tessler says. While metal razors may seem intimidating at first, the learning curve is usually quick, and the benefits of using a weighted razor will make you ditch your plastic razor for good. “Once you switch to a weighted razor, you won’t want to go back,” she adds. Besides the environmental benefits of reducing plastic waste, weighted razors offer a superior shaving experience, particularly for individuals who are prone to shaving-related irritation such as razor burn and ingrown hairs.

If you’re concerned about whether or not a weighted razor, or any razor for that matter, will affect your hair growth, don’t be! Dr. Austin assures us that “shaving does not impact hair growth.” To ensure a comfortable shaving experience, she recommends cleaning and pre-moisturizing the skin with shaving cream.

While weighted razors do decrease the chances of cuts and ingrown hairs compared to regular razors, there is still a small risk involved. The important thing is to avoid applying excessive pressure and to maintain a slower shaving speed. Since these razors have sharp blades, it’s best to take your time, use shaving cream, and be mindful of your technique to avoid any mishaps that may require showing up to an event in Band-aids. It’s also important to note that weighted razors are best suited for body shaving. Dr. Austin advises, “For gentle facial hair removal, I recommend seeing an esthetician for facial defuzzing.”

When compared to waxing, weighted razors offer a significant reduction in the likelihood of ingrown hairs since they cut the hair at the surface. Laser hair removal is a more permanent solution, but it can be expensive and may have potential side effects like burns or hyperpigmentation. Taking everything into consideration, “weighted razors are a quick, affordable, and safer option to achieve smooth skin,” says Dr. Austin.

Alpyn Beauty, Wild Huckleberry Radiance Recovery Peel — $56.00

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“There were people who were saying, ‘I really wanna try your peel, but I don’t want the physical or mechanical exfoliation,” says Kolb Butler. “The skin-care industry has made great strides since the St. Ive’s Apricot Scrub of the 1980s and early 1990s. And there are spherical exfoliants that do not cause tears or abrasions on the surface of the skin, but there’s still a clientele with really sensitive, rosacea-prone skin that is scared of a physical exfoliant.”

Similar to the OG peel, the star of the Radiance Recovery Peel is wild huckleberry picked from Kolb Butler’s property in Jackson Hole, Wyoming.

“Huckleberry looks like a blueberry,” says Kolb Butler. “It’s smaller, but it’s such an antioxidant-packed power fruit. In studies, huckleberries have actually beat out 40 other fruits and vegetables in terms of their antioxidant content. So this is a super berry, super fruit. They have tons of iron and they are very, very rich in vitamin B and vitamin C.”

The peel also uses eight acids, including azelaic acid, glycolic acid, lactic acid, malic acid, and more. However, the brand ditched the bamboo powder and huckleberry seed paste, both physical exfoliants that can be more irritating to super-sensitive skin. They also added hydrating Apsen bark, soothing colloidal oatmeal, and destressing chamomile.

What it’s like using the Alpyn Beauty Wild Huckleberry Radiance Recovery Peel

I’ve used many at-home peels, some of which were so strong that when I accidentally went overboard my skin got red and started peeling a few days later. This is a mistake that I never want to make again, so I appreciate having gentle peels to fold into my routine when my skin is compromised, and was excited to try this formula.

Even though the Radiance Recovery Peel is gentle, I was expecting it to sting a bit when I applied it but it didn’t—not even a little bit. Instead, it went on feeling creamy, moisturizing, and—dare I say—soothing. To really see how gentle it was I went against the recommended time of five minutes and left it on for 20… while I was washing dishes so the hot steam could let it really sink in.

During that 20 minutes, my skin felt good. No pain, no irritation. I wiped it off with a warm cloth, applied my toner, serums, and moisturizer, and was left with soft and calm skin. I’ll absolutely be reaching for this several times a week, and if you too love gentle exfoliation (and buy the peel), so will you.

Walker completed her first Ironman in 2007, and was instantly hooked. “I just, you know, enjoyed being out there all day,” she says. “What better way to spend a day than swimming, biking, and running?”

Which is why, over the past 16 years, she’s completed 68 of these extreme endurance triathlons. That math works out to more than four Ironmans per year. For comparison, the average athlete takes about five or six months to train for this kind of race, and then another two to four weeks to recover afterwards.

Walker doesn’t exactly do average, though. Earlier this year, she and her husband, Dougin, completed six Ironman races on six continents in six weeks as part of their quest to join “the club” of people who’ve done every Ironman in the world (a club of which there are currently only five members). Last year, they completed two Ironmans in one weekend—one in Kalmar, Sweden, on Saturday followed by another in Copenhagen, Denmark, on Sunday. The Tampa, Florida–based couple even got married on the bike course during the 2022 Ironman in Cozumel before finishing the rest of the race. Casual.

Walker’s number-one key to recovering well enough to compete so often

This begs the question: How in the world does someone keep their body not only healthy, but recovered enough to compete in major endurance events so close together? (And Walker is competitive—during her six-in-six-weeks challenge, Walker won her age group in the Philippines and took second in Brazil.)

“Sleep is my superpower,” admits Walker. “I get, on average, nine to 10 hours a night.” Even in foreign hotels, or on planes during travel days, she sleeps well, she says. “I can just lay down anywhere and go to sleep. Once my head hits the pillow, it’s like I go into a coma,” she jokes.

This ability to sleep helps explain how Walker can manage such high volume. As experts will tell you, sleep is the most powerful muscle recovery tool we have. “Non-REM sleep is associated with the highest levels of growth hormone release during a day, allowing muscles to heal and grow,” Ben Smarr, professor at University of California San Diego in bioengineering and data science, previously told Well+Good. That human growth hormone helps repair the microscopic muscle tears that happen during exercise, helping your body bounce back and grow stronger.

And for endurance athletes like Walker, the muscle repair process that happens during sleep also helps improve your body’s stamina, according to Jeff Monaco, Gold’s Gym director of education. “If an individual is engaged in endurance training, the body will respond by increasing the oxidative capacity of those muscle fibers through increases in mitochondrial density and size,” he previously told Well+Good, adding that sleep also helps to keep your endocrine, immune, and nervous systems functioning properly so that your body can operate at full strength. (FYI: mitochondria are your cell’s battery packs aka energy sources.)

The effects of all this physiology are something Walker has long relied on. “I know there are a lot of people that are like, ‘I can sleep six hours and be fine,’ ” she says. “I’m just not one of those people.”

Her other recovery tools

Sleep may be the primary recovery technique Walker uses to get her to start line after start line, but it’s not the only one. Here are a few of her other non-negotiables:

1. Chocolate milk

“We have chocolate milk after any kind of workout, any kind of race,” Walker says. Research has shown this tasty childhood treat has an optimal ratio of carbs to protein for post-workout recovery.

2. Consistent body work

Walker and Dougin go to a chiropractor and also get a 90-minute massage every week. “It’s not a relaxing massage,” Walker clarifies, with a laugh. “Our massage guy beats us up, but it’s what we need.”

3. Normatec boots

Hyperice’s Normatec 3 Legs use a rhythmic series of compression from your feet up to your hips to encourage blood flow for faster recovery. “They also get me to sit still,” Walker admits.

Normatec 3 Legs — $799.00

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4. Massage guns

Walker regularly uses portable massage guns, which have been proven to increase muscle strength and power, and to reduce muscle pain. In fact, having one is such a “must,” that when the couple forgot to bring their Theragun to a race, they ended up buying a Hypervolt while they were there. They also own the Theragun mini for easy packing. “It helps refresh, and make you feel better,” says Walker.

Theragun Mini 2.0 — $190.00

Originally $200, on sale for $190

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We’ll talk more about that in a second, but let’s just say the internet is obsessed. From the mascara and the lip gloss to the derm-approved serum and facial mist—Tower 28 hits every time (and it’s all W+G editor-approved). Even celebs like Hailey Bieber, Khloe Kardashian and Olivia Rodrigo are hooked on its sensitive skin-friendly beauty products. If you’ve been itching (no pun intended) to try the brand for yourself and aren’t sure where to start, I tried and tested every Tower 28 product to see what’s really worth the hype.

More about Tower 28

A former beauty industry exec, Tower 28 founder, Amy Liu, was frustrated by the scant selection of brands that were “safe” for her to use. Products geared towards sensitive skin were bland, clinical-feeling, and lacked the playful flair that makes experimenting with beauty so exciting. So Liu used her 15+ years of beauty industry experience to launch the fun, sensitive skin-friendly brand that we all wanted to use. Named after the lifeguard tower where Santa Monica and Venice Beach meet, Tower 28 is giving beachy, California energy at every level. From the wavy, colorful packaging to the fuss-free formulas inside, the brand oozes fun.

Why it’s great for sensitive skin

What does it mean to be sensitive skin-friendly, you ask? It means being extra choosy about ingredients. Tower 28 has a hefty no-no list of ingredients that you won’t find in any of its products—including but not limited to preservatives, phthalates, nanoparticles, fragrance (synthetic and natural), essential oils, talc, mineral oil, petrolatum, and so much more.

Suffice it to say that if it’s known to make your skin angry, it won’t be in a Tower 28 product. But that’s not all, the brand swears by the National Eczema Association’s ‘no-no list’ too! Which is why it’s the only beauty brand to earn the association’s seal of acceptance on select products—impressive, I know. Plus, everything is gluten-free, derm-tested, hypoallergenic and non-comedogenic (aka non-pore clogging) so whether you’re sensitive, acne-prone or both, Tower 28 products are always a safe bet.

My honest thoughts on Tower 28 products

Tower 28, SOS Daily Rescue Facial Spray — $28.00

The SOS Daily Rescue Facial Spray—derms love it, 500+ Sephora shoppers love it, and now I do, too. The calming face mist’s key ingredient, hypochlorous acid (which is made naturally by your skin, BTW), has anti-inflammatory and anti-bacterial properties—thus banishing blemish-causing bacteria, while soothing skin redness and irritation. It also smells like pool water, and I kind of love that. Whenever I’m dealing with gnarly breakouts, a compromised skin barrier, or am just feeling a bit sensi, the SOS Spray is what I’ll be reaching for first. It’s already semi-affordable by today’s standards, but it’s worth investing in the jumbo refill bottle ($68)—it’s that good.

Pros:

• Soothes irritation and redness 
• Helps clear breakouts
• Simple and effective
• Has the National Eczema Association’s Seal of Acceptance

Cons:

• None :)

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Tower 28, SOS Intensive Rescue Serum — $34.00

A riff on the brand’s cult-classic facial spray, the SOS Intensive Serum is essentially hypochlorous acid in serum form. It packs all of the skin-calming and purifying benefits of the SOS mist, in a lightweight, watery gel texture. I apply 2-3 pumps all over my face after misting, and my skin chills out immediately. By morning, my skin is pretty much reset—blemishes are visibly less angry, signs of irritation are quelled and I’m a happy camper. What’s more, makeup artists swear by the Rescue Serum to prep the skin before applying makeup, and judging by the immediately glassy look it gives my skin, I understand why.

Pros:

• Soothes redness and irritation
• Great skin prep
• Helps combat breakouts
• Lightweight feel
• Lightly hydrates
• Has the National Eczema Association’s Seal of Acceptance

Cons:

• The watery formula shoots out of the pump if you’re not careful 

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Tower 28, Beach Please Luminous Tinted Balm — $20.00

If you love a dewy-yet-pigmented blush look, you’ll love the Beach Please Luminous Tinted Balms. The super emollient balms come in a range of summer-ready shades (I’m wearing “Office Hours,” a sun-kissed mauve, in the above photo) and couldn’t be more user-friendly. Tap them in with your fingers or stipple them on with a brush, you’ll get a fresh-faced, radiant flush without fail every time. You can even use the balms on your lips and lids for a monochrome look. The balms are made with skin-nourishing ingredients, like green tea extract, aloe vera and shea butter—and in true Tower 28 fashion, they’re free of anything that could irritate sensitive skin or clog your pores. Pretty pigment and blendability aside, though, I found these to be a tad too dewy for my liking—but anyone with dry skin is sure to love them.

Pros:

• Multipurpose
• Pigmented
• Easy to blend
• Moisturizing formula

Cons:

• Might be too dewy for some

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Tower 28, MakeWaves Lengthening + Volumizing Mascara — $20.00

If you’re going to try anything from Tower 28—make it the MakeWaves Mascara. This mascara gives you a little bit of everything: it lengthens, volumizes and gives my stick straight lashes a bit of curling help thanks to its curved synthetic brush. A trio of flexible bands makes it easy to wriggle through my lashes, and ensures every last one is seamlessly coated. And if you want a bolder look, MakeWaves’s buildable formula can be layered without clumpiness. The cherry on top? The tubing formula is easy to remove (all you need is warm water and light massaging), and seriously budge-proof. I can even apply it to my lower lashes without racoon eyes!

Pros:

• Safe for sensitive eyes and contact wearers
• Ophthalmologist tested
• Lengthens and volumizes lashes
• Doesn’t flake or smudge
• Easy to remove

Cons:

• Dries out quickly

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Tower 28, SunnyDays SPF 30 Tinted Sunscreen — $32.00

Sunny Days is a tinted mineral sunscreen, but unlike others on the market, Tower 28’s buildable, light-to- medium coverage is better than foundation—and it’s safe for sensitive skin (*chefs kiss*). The lightweight formula covers up redness and evens out my skin tone while still letting my skin breathe. What you get is a natural, satiny finish, that’s devoid of cakey-ness. And while I usually skip makeup when my skin is in the middle of a breakout, Sunny Days is the one of the few I can reach for worry-free thanks to trusty skin-soothers like aloe vera and prickly pear.

Pros:

• Mineral SPF 30
• 17 flexible shades
• Light-to-medium coverage
• Natural, satiny finish
• Not cakey
• Safe for sensitive and breakout prone skin
• Has the National Eczema Association’s Seal of Acceptance

Cons:

• Might be too drying for drier skin types

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Tower 28, Shine On Lip Jelly — $16.00

Take the glassy shine of a lip gloss, add the moisturizing feel of a lip balm and subtract the stickiness, you’ve got the Shine On Lip Jelly. These cushiony, smoothing glosses defy all logic in my book—giving me a sheer wash of color (there are also clear and ‘milky’ shade options), juicy shine, while leaving my lips feeling pillowy soft and hydrated for hours. And instead of “glossing” over dry, chapped lips, the Shine On Lip Jelly gets to work on solving dryness with an ultra-nourishing blend of oils (like apricot, castor, avocado, raspberry oils—the works!). Even more incredible, they’re under $20! So there’s no going wrong.

Pros:

• Not sticky
• Shiny finish
• Moisturizing formula
• Great shade selection
• Affordable

Cons:

• May be too sheer for some, according to reviews 

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Tower 28, Bronzino Illuminating Cream Bronzer — $20.00

For a radiant, tanned look without the skin damage, Tower 28’s Bronzino is for you. It has a similarly emollient, balmy consistency as the brand’s Beach Please blushes, in five gloriously bronze, shimmery shades. While I was admittedly skeptical about the shimmer at first, it’s hardly noticeable on the skin, and gives the bronzer a beautiful, glowy (but not glittery) finish. I use “West Coast,” a warm medium bronze shade that’s just as gorgeous on the eyes as it is on your face. I buff it out around my cheekbones, across my nose and lightly dust it on my forehead and temples for an easy sun-kissed look. If you can get past the shimmer (and use a separate contour if that’s what you’re used to), Bronzino is totally worth picking up—especially if you have drier skin.

Pros:

• Easy to blend
• Moisturizing
• Radiant formula
• Doubles as a cream eyeshadow

Cons:

• Not very long-wearing
• Shimmery formula isn’t for everyone

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Tower 28, SuperDew Highlighter — $18.00

I kind of love that slightly sweaty dew you get after a few hours in the sun—and Tower 28’s SuperDew is that in balm form. There’s absolutely zero color or shimmer in it, just the most natural-looking shine. And just a touch is all you need for a “glass-skin” effect. In keeping with the rest of the Tower 28 lineup, SuperDew has super great ingredients—we’re talking skin-soothing chamomile, antioxidant green tea and nourishing shea butter—so it essentially takes care of dryness while imparting a luminous glow. If you’re not a glitter gal but still want to highlight, pick this up ASAP. You can even use it on your eyelids for a glossy look!

Pros:

• Easy to use
• Moisturizing and soothing formula
• No glitter, pigment or shimmer
• Natural, dewy finish
• Multipurpose

Cons:

• Doesn’t dry completely

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Tower 28, Sculptino Soft Cream Contour — $20.00

One of the brand’s more recent launches, the Sculptino is the secret to achieving a chiseled, contoured look with barely any effort. It’s like Bronzino’s matte, shimmer-free sister. It comes in four shades that are somehow neutral and slightly warm at the same time—and it applies like a dream. The silky soft formula can be applied with a brush or your fingers, and because the formula is sheer it’s nearly impossible to mess up. When I’m in a hurry, I’ll dip my fingers into the compact and sweep Sculptino on my usual contour points (hollows of the cheekbones, temples and jawline) before haphazardly blending it out with my fingertips. The result? A sculpted and defined complexion in seconds. It’s a YES from me.

Pros:

• Creamy matte finish
• Sheer formula
• Neutral undertones 
• Easy to blend
• Multipurpose

Cons:

• None :)

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Tower 28, JuiceBalm Tinted Lip Balm — $16.00

One thing about me is I can’t say no to a tinted lip balm, and the JuiceBalms are no exception. These super smooth balms give your lips a punch of pigment and juicy shine, and promise to leave your pout more hydrated than before. My only gripe is that they’re not all that moisturizing. The formula, while pigmented, is too thin and slippy to give my dry lips any meaningful hydration. That being said, the popsicle-like pigment and dewy shine couldn’t be more perfect for summer. So while these aren’t my first choice when it comes to a moisturizing lip balm, the wearable shades make them worth keeping in my makeup bag.

Pros:

• Juicy, dewy shine
• Bold and sheer shades
• Smooth glide

Cons:

• Not very hydrating
• Formula is thin and slippery

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Tower 28, OneLiner Multi-Liner — $15.00

If it wasn’t already clear that Tower 28 has fully mastered multipurpose products, this last product ought to do the trick. The OneLiner Multi-Liner is an endlessly versatile, matte pencil that can be used on the eyes, lips and face to create a bounty of different looks—it’s the only makeup pencil you’ll ever need. I have the shades “Fill Me In” (a rosy nude) and “Draw Me” (a chocolatey brown) and I use them both all the time. “Fill Me In” is my lip liner of choice—though scribbling it onto your cheeks as blush is a delightful experience I’d highly recommend you try—and “Draw Me” is my go-to eyeliner, smudged out along my lashline. Both glide smoothly without skipping or dragging, and they stick around throughout the day. And for only $15 bucks? They’re so worth a try.

Pros:

• For eyes, lips and cheeks
• Smooth glide
• Creamy matte finish
• Safe for sensitive eyes

Cons:

• None :)

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While people who are interested in exploring non-monogamy may be able to rev up their sex lives through the novelty of additional partners, those in a monogamous relationship (who aren’t interested in opening it up) may find that the extreme familiarity they have with their partner can become a breeding ground for boring sex. And boring sex likely isn’t pleasurable or satisfying sex, either—which can just make the people involved less likely to seek it out in the first place.

According to relationship expert Esther Perel, it’s common for couples to experience dissonance as they negotiate between their values and their desires; on the one hand, they might value closeness and intimacy, but on the other hand, they might desire wildness, mystery, and intrigue.

Desire dies at the hands of routine and familiarity because, by nature, it thrives off the unknown.

Desire dies at the hands of routine and familiarity because, by nature, it thrives off the unknown. In order to feel desire, defined as hunger and craving, you have to want something you don’t currently have. And yet, to build an intimate and sustainable relationship, you need to have a person in your life (and in your bed) about whom you know a great deal.

Still, it’s certainly possible to infuse a long-term monogamous relationship with some excitement if you avoid falling into the trap of monotony. Below, find seven easy tactics for how to spice up your relationship and crank the volume on your sex life, even if it’s the same partner every time.

How to spice up your relationship and take the monotony out of monogamy

1. Approach everyday interactions with your partner more mindfully

Research shows that we listen to those we love the least closely because we believe we can predict what they are going to say. When we get used to something or someone, we tend to tune out, rather than tune in. Take, for example, brushing your teeth; do you really pay attention while you’re doing it?

In much the same way, you might realize that you tend to ask your partner how their day was without really listening to the answer, or automatically assume the same sex position or choose to have sex after dinner or with the lights out every time you have it. While there is nothing wrong with any of these practices, in theory, they all present opportunities to numb out rather than really feel—which is necessary to experiencing pleasure.

Choosing to tune into these interactions with a partner rather than allowing them to become passive programming can help you to feel more present and thus more satisfied in your relationship (and in bed).

2. Consider how your sexual desires have evolved since you started dating your partner

In all relationships, we develop patterns of interactions or ways of being together that become familiar. We often forget that when we commit to a person, we aren’t committing to being the same with that person forever. As our circumstances change—we age, have new experiences, grow, experience loss—our needs change, too.

The fact that we transform is not the problem; it’s that many times, we don’t reorient ourselves to our new needs, and therefore don’t alert our partner of these changing needs, either. What you liked when you first met your partner may be very different now, and yet you might still be relying on old patterns of interaction that no longer fit.

Human sexuality expert and sex educator Emily Nagoski, PhD, recommends asking yourself: “What is it that I want when I want sex?” and “What is it that I like when I like sex?” I recommend adding in questions like: “What prevents me from feeling good in my body?” and “What enables me to feel good in my body?” Then, ask your partner the same questions.

It’s important to normalize that desires shift over time, just like our appetites for food.

Don’t be afraid to get detailed in your investigation. It’s important to normalize that desires shift over time, just like our appetites for food, and that consistent inquiry into what you and your partner like will be necessary throughout your relationship to keep sex, well, sexy.

3. Get to know your non-sexual pleasures

If you find that you struggle to answer the questions about sexual desire above, it may be because pleasure isn’t something you feel comfortable owning or experiencing—and probably for very good reason. Your body might not have always felt safe in scenarios where pleasure was involved, or you may have been taught to prioritize what others want from you versus what you want. After all, we live in a world where many bodies are under attack and in a culture that has long privileged men’s pleasure over women’s (hello, orgasm gap).

All of the above could mean you need some personal space to heal your relationship to pleasure. From an emotional perspective, when we are unable to feel pleasure, it’s not because we can’t access it; it’s because our bodies are protecting us from feeling anything at all so as to shield us from pain.

Before approaching more pleasurable sex, it might be helpful to explore what feels good, what you like, and what you want outside of sex, and report back to your partner. Sensual Self: Prompts and Practices for Getting in Touch with Your Body, by Ev’Yan Whitney, provides accessible journal prompts to get you started on your pleasure journey.

4. Create a transitional pre-sex practice for when the day’s obligations are done

One of the common complaints I hear is that people aren’t “in the mood” or are “too exhausted” at the end of the day for sex and deep connection. I do not doubt the truth of these statements; there are so many demands on our time and energy at this cultural moment.

But what may also be contributing to these feelings is the fact that, when we’re overwhelmed, the part of our brain that can connect is not readily available to us. If we attempt to go from a busy workday, an evening workout, or preparing dinner to pressing “go” on sexual connection, we are setting unrealistic expectations for ourselves.

Instead, create a transitional practice that enables your body to enter a window where connection feels possible. If you typically run anxious, ask yourself, “What sounds, sights, tastes, textures, and/or scents soothe me?” and see how you can incorporate one or more of these sensory items into a pre-sex ritual. Or, if you tend to feel low on energy or fatigued when the time for sex rolls around, do the same thing for the sensations or sensory items that typically energize you.

Integrating, for example, a few songs, movements, or fragrances that bring you back home to your body might give you just what you need to be able to shift into a connection space with your partner and make sex feel more exciting.

5. Get curious about your sex life

When we experience dissatisfaction in our sex life, we typically create a problem-focused narrative. It might sound something like, “My partner is lazy,” or “We aren’t compatible anymore.” The issue with this type of story is that it prevents further investigation. And it’s often just a strategy for avoiding feeling hurt, jealousy, or anger while steering clear of what’s really happening below the surface.

Instead, get curious about what’s happening or what’s changed in the dynamic with your partner. For example, instead of saying, “My partner doesn’t have energy for sex,” ask yourself, “What might be taking up all his energy?” Or, instead of saying, “I just don’t find sex pleasurable with my partner anymore,” ask yourself, “What has shifted for me when it comes to sex, and what may have shifted for her?” These open-ended questions offer up new pathways for connection, rather than shutting them down.

6. Discuss the sensitive or tough stuff

Sometimes, a boring or unsexy sex life is actually covering up disconnection in a relationship, which never feels good. Because our brains like to focus on what is familiar and predictable, many of us avoid asking questions about things that we fear, or to which the answers could vary widely. But when we aren’t talking about what’s really coming up for us, silence or physical disengagement accrues around these tough topics and creates thick layers of distance between us. And sex tends to fall away (or become less satisfying) in the resulting chasm.

When we aren’t talking about what’s really coming up for us, silence or physical disengagement accrues around these tough topics and creates thick layers of distance between us.

Ask yourself: What are you wondering about your partner, but are afraid to know the answer to? Some ideas are: “What sexual fantasies do you have that exist outside of us, and how would you want to share them with me?”, “What do you wish were different about our relationship?”, “What do you feel insecure about in our relationship?”, “What makes it hard for you to connect with me?”, and “What ideas do you have about bringing more fire into our connection?” Anything that invites newness into a relationship has the potential to enliven it.

7. Spend time doing fun things outside of your relationship

This sounds counterintuitive, but in actuality, finding joy outside of a relationship can help you thrive within the relationship. Sometimes, we depend too heavily on our partners to meet our every need, and this puts too much weight on the relationship for it to thrive. The route to closeness might actually be differentiation and spending more time on your own.

How are you nurturing your own garden? What is your sexual relationship with yourself like? Do you still do things that bring you playfulness and joy that have nothing to do with your partner? Accessing the sensual, sexual, and curious parts of you that you may have left behind when you coupled up won’t just leave you feeling more fulfilled; it could also help you do your part in reigniting a spark between you and your partner.

“Biotin can be used in hair-care to stimulate hair growth and prevent hair loss by helping to improve the keratin structure in the hair,” says Dr. Jeannette Graf, a board-certified dermatologist and assistant clinical professor of dermatology at Mount Sinai School of Medicine. Keratin is a protein that makes up the outer structure of hair, so incorporating an ingredient that improves its efforts can have a lasting impact on the health of our strands. 

If you’re looking for the best biotin shampoo for hair growth on Amazon, you’ll find it in the Maple Holistics Biotin Shampoo ($12), which features natural ingredients and is designed specifically with thinning hair in mind.

The Best Biotin Shampoo for Hair Growth

Maple Holistics Biotin Shampoo — $23.95

Recommended Use: Apply to roots and allow it to sit for two to three minutes before rinsing so that it can better absorb into the scalp. 

Size: 16 ounces 

Key Ingredients: Biotin, coconut oil, rosemary 

 

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Per its name, the shampoo features biotin along with coconut oil in its formula to promote nourishment, hair thickening, and volume. After testing it out, one Amazon customer going through menopause says, “It made a world of a difference” on their thinning hair.  Another writes, “This shampoo has changed my hair! It’s less thin and wispy, has more body, and for the first time in forty years I can grow it longer than a pixie cut! I still have fine, barely manageable hair, totally white, but there’s more of it and it doesn’t fall out as much.”

In addition to biotin and coconut oil, the shampoo is enhanced with rosemary, which is a potent ingredient for hair growth. According to research, rosemary is just as effective at promoting hair growth as minoxidil, a popular medication for hair growth that is often found in products such as Rogaine. With a combination of keratin-supporting biotin, rosemary, and coconut oil, the shampoo is an excellent first step in revitalizing strands and incorporating thickening haircare formulas. 

Can biotin shampoo actually help hair growth?

While many people take biotin supplements to help hair growth, Dr. Graf says incorporating products formulated with the vitamin can further support hair health efforts. “Shampoo formulated with biotin may benefit some hair by stimulating hair growth and thickness,” she explains. “It does this by strengthening the hair follicles while improving circulation to the scalp, which helps with hair growth.” 

With that said, Dr. Graf says biotin shampoo won’t be a miracle worker. It can improve the overall health of hair and leave it looking thicker and more voluminous. Still, considering the amount of time shampoo stays on the scalp, there’s not enough time for the formula to absorb to work at a follicular level. 

Nonetheless, it doesn’t hurt to incorporate shampoo with biotin, as it can still provide impressive styling results. Will it give you a new head of hair? Probably not. But it can help prevent more fallout, and it helps make hair appear thicker and more voluminous. For 12 bucks, we’ll take it.

How hydration affects mood and cognition

Given that about 55–60 percent of the human body is comprised of water, it makes sense that drinking enough H2O is a key part of overall health and wellness. Being adequately hydrated is necessary for the body to perform important functions, like flushing out waste through peeing and pooping, regulating body temperature, lubricating joints, and protecting sensitive tissues like the spinal cord. Research has shown that even mild dehydration can negatively affect mood and the ability to think clearly.

Water makes up 75 percent of the brain’s mass, so being hydrated enough is important to help it carry out all its functions, and that includes the faculties you need to engage in conversation, like thinking clearly. Dehydration causes a host of negative effects, such as headaches, dizziness, and fatigue. “Any processes in the brain need water, so essentially nothing will function without having appropriate hydration levels, and so dehydration in general has a wide array of negative impacts,” says Margaret Morrissey, PhD, president of the National Heat Safety Coalition at the Korey Stringer Institute at the University of Connecticut. Being dehydrated can also elevate your cortisol, the hormone associated with stress—not the ideal state to be in for an important conversation.

A 2018 review of 33 studies published in the journal Medicine & Science in Sports & Exercise found that dehydration impairs cognitive performance, especially for tasks that require attention, motor coordination, and executive functioning. As you go about your day, you lose water through a host of activities, says Dr. Morrissey—sweating, peeing, crying, even breathing. If you don’t replenish those lost fluids by drinking enough water each day, you run the risk of dehydration. Feeling thirsty is one way to tell you need to drink more water, but there’s a more precise measurement: Dehydration is measured by comparing body mass loss (BML) to someone’s baseline weight, says Dr. Morrissey; mild dehydration is about one percent away from someone’s standard body weight, while two percent or more is “when we start to see more wide-ranging differences in performance and other metrics,” she says.

It’s for all these reasons that it’s a really good idea to stay adequately hydrated before going into an important conversation.

Why it’s a good idea to drink water before an important conversation

Given the effect hydration has on cognition and mood, it makes sense that drinking a glass of water before an important conversation that requires you to process your own emotions, plus that of another person, is a good idea.

Hydrating pre convo can help put you in the best mental state possible for the talk. “I always tell people it’s important to ‘do your own work,’ and what I mean is getting yourself in the right mental and physical state so you have the ability to hear and process what the other person is saying,” says relationship therapist Kimberly Panganiban, LMFT. This includes picking a time to talk when you’re not stressed or distracted, tired, hungry—or thirsty.

Sipping water during the conversation isn’t a bad idea, either; Panganiban says taking a beat during a conversation gives you some time to process and gather your thoughts, and can be a useful tool to de-escalate if things are getting a little emotional or intense. Bottoms up!

While skorts are nothing new, the designs today truly are innovative in both textile and design. And I would know! For this piece, I tried over two dozen versions, paying close attention to sizing, length, breathability, comfort, and, of course, color selection. Ahead, find the 10 best skorts of 2023.

What materials to look for in a skort

Once upon a time, skorts were primarily sold in cotton and polyester. Nowadays, they’re available in all sorts of fabrics, including denim, khaki, spandex, and, best of all, recycled materials. No matter your textile preference, you’re bound to be able to find a skort that fits your fancy. That said, if your main goal is comfort, skorts designed with a bit of stretch (whether in the form of spandex or elastane) are best, as are those made with lightweight, breathable material (like cotton and polyester).

The 10 best skorts for Summer 2023

Most versatile:

Athleta, Transcend Skort — $79.00

Available sizes: XXS-3XL

Size tested: L

Of the dozens of skorts I tried, the Athleta Transcend Skort surprised me most of all. When I unpackaged it, I wasn’t impressed with the silhouette (to say the least). It’s long and ruched on the sides and, to be frank, looked like something I would never wear. But then I put it on. The buttery-soft black skirt is so versatile, I cannot emphasize this enough: If you’re looking for a skort that you can run errands in, run to the office in, and run to the bar in, this is it.

It can be worn fully extended to hit right around the knees, or it can be pushed up to be a mid-thigh or mini skirt. No matter how high you push it up, though, it never looks bulky or bunched. And the fact that it has pockets and a breathable mesh gusset on the shorts underneath? I’m swooning.

Of course, no product (or at least very, very few) is truly perfect. My one complaint about this skort is that it has the Athleta logo in white on the back waistband. If it didn’t have that, you’d truly never guess that this is from an athletic brand.

Material: Polyester and spandex
Colors: 4

Pros:

• Adjustable length
• Hidden pockets
• Breathable gusset

Cons:

• Visible logo on the back

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Best running skort:

Free People Movement, On Point Skort — $30.00

Originally $50, now $30

Available sizes: XS- XL

Size tested: L

The FP Movement On Point Skort is so breezy and breathable that it barely felt like I had anything on. Of course, that may have also been due to the super short silhouette. Keep in mind, this skort has a flowy dolphin hem, so it lets the shorts peek out from beneath on the sides while being fully covered from the front and back. It’s because of this hem and the breezy, lightweight fabric that this skirt is particularly fab for jogging and running. One more thing: If you’re not into logos of any kind, know that the shorts have a small FP Movement logo.

Material: Polyester and elastane
Colors: 3

Pros:

• Super lightweight
• Elastic waistband
• Drawstring for adjustability
• Side pockets

Cons:

• Sold out in some sizes/colors
• Is very short (shorts: 10-inch rise, 2.5-inch inseam)  

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Best crossover skort:

OFFLINE By Aerie, Real Me Crossover Tennis Skort — $30.00

Available sizes: XXS-XXL

Size tested: L

The OFFLINE by Aerie Real Me High Waisted Legging is my go-to everyday black legging, so when I saw that the brand debuted a skort in the same buttery fabric, I had to get my hands on it. Like the leggings, this skort fits like a dream. The crossover waistband is wide, so it doesn’t dig in, nor fall down. The material is super lightweight and the shorts are long enough to prevent my thighs from chafing. All wins in my book.

Material: Nylon and elastane
Colors: 2

Pros:

• Lightweight
• Breathable
• Stretchy and unrestrictive

Cons:

• No pockets
• Only two colors (black and white)

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Best denim skort:

AFRM, Madelyn Mini Skirt — $88.00

Available sizes: 24-32

Size tested: 32

A denim skort! Despite being a devoted skort wearer back in the ‘90s and early ‘00s, I’d never see a denim skort (unless it was one of those ones that looked like shorts from the back). While I typically despise non-stretch denim, AFRM nailed it with its Madelyn Mini Skirt, which looks like a true high-waisted mini but features shorts underneath. I particularly love the thigh slit on this skort, though, in my size, I find that it pulls a bit despite fitting overall.

Material: Cotton denim
Colors: 1

Pros:

• Cute style
• Relaxed feel
• Back zipper

Cons:

• Slight gaping at the waist
• Slight pulling at the slit

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Best khaki skort:

Abercrombie & Fitch, Pleated Chino Mini Skort — $48.00

Originally $60, now $48

Available sizes: XXS -XL

Size tested: L

Abercrombie & Fitch is another brand that’s really upped their game in the past few years. While they have a few styles that I genuinely love and look forward to wearing this summer, none compare to the Abercrombie & Fitch Pleated Chino Mini Skort.

Thought it gaps a bit in the waist, the soft, lightweight skort has edgy pleating and small belt loops for a ‘90s or early ‘00s skater vibe. Best of all, the shorts, while offering full coverage, feel light the coziest PJ shorts, so this is a genuine delight to wear all day long. (P.S. It looks a lot like the Free People Heartbreaker Skort Taylor Swift was seen wearing recently, but for nearly half the price.)

Material: Cotton and elastane
Colors: 2

Pros:

• Soft yet structured
• Lightweight
• Belt loops

Cons:

• Slight gaping at the waist
• Select colors/sizes sold out
• Only sold in two neutral colors

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Best cotton skort:

Victoria's Secret Pink, Cotton Active Skort — $30.00

Available sizes: XS- XXL
Size tested: L

Craving more cotton in your wardrobe? The Pink Cotton Active Skort is a nice option. The mini silhouette features a flirty slit detail that looks straight out of the ‘90s or early ‘00s. It shows off a peek of the shorts beneath, which have built-in pockets. And since it has a cotton gusset, you can go commando without any concern (should you want to, that is).

Just keep in mind that, since it’s made primarily with cotton (with a touch of stretch), it likely will show sweat lines, so you may not want to get too active (or too hot) in it. I also recommend going a size up as it runs small.

Material: Cotton and elastane
Colors: 5

Pros:

• Fun colors
• Breathable
• Slit detailing

Cons:

• Might show sweat easily/not dry fast
• Runs small

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Best pleated skort:

Adidas, Ultimate365 Tour Pleated 15-Inch Golf Skort — $51.00

Originally $85, now $51

Available sizes: XS-XL

Size tested: L

The Adidas Ultimate365 Tour Pleated 15-Inch Golf Skort is longer and more modest but that bright orangey-red color drew me in. Beyond looks, the skort is made with super soft and remarkable lightweight jersey and polyester that has a slight athletic sheen (you know what I’m talking about).

Material: Jersey and recycled polyester
Colors: 3

Pros:

• Classic pleated design  
• Wide band with zip pocket
• Hidden exterior pockets
• Hidden pocket underneath shorts

Cons:

• Runs large
• Longer than other skorts

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Most unique design:

Nike, NikeCourt Dri-FIT Advantage Women's Pleated Tennis Skirt — $48.00

Available sizes: XS-XL

I love the look of the NikeCourt Dri-FIT Advantage Women’s Pleated Tennis Skirt, which features a flowy skirt overlay that’s long enough to conceal the crotch of the spandex shorts underneath, but not long enough to cover up the hems—but it’s purposeful. It’s a quirky, design-forward silhouette that I could see working to tennis, as well as running to the farmer’s market.

Material: Recycled polyester
Colors: 5

Pros:

• Wide elastic waistband  
• Breathable spandex shorts
• Hidden side pockets
• Colorful

Cons:

• Sold out in some colors/sizes

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Best golf skort:

Spanx, Sunshine Skort — $88.00

Available sizes: XS-XL

If you like the look of old-school skorts where you can see the shorts from the back—and if you love the idea of light shaping—the Spanx Sunshine Skort might be a solid choice. The new style features a mid-rise with a modest short, making it great for golfers and those looking for more coverage in general.

Material: Nylon and elastane
Colors: 4

Pros:

• UPF 50+  
• Pull-on design
• Chlorine and salt-resistant fabric
• Faux-wrap style
• Functional back pockets

Cons:

• Shows shorts from the back like a traditional skort

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While my bathroom counter overfloweth with a lineup of glosses, tints, and frosts, there’s one notable absence: Matte lipsticks. In the past, mattes have always left my lips dry, cracked, and accentuated any tiny lip lines. I’m a big fan of the Charlotte Tilbury brand, so when I heard the innovative U.K. glamour queen was launching a new matte-meets-moisture Airbrush Flawless Lip Blur ($35) liquid lipstick, I wondered if this might be my ticket to finally embracing the ultra-trendy matte lip.

Lip Blur is the first color product in Charlotte Tilbury’s cult-fave Airbrush Flawless franchise of foundations and other complexion products. Tilbury and her team—known for working magic on famous faces for runways, premieres, and awards shows—lent their backstage beauty secrets to create the smoothing, blur-filter effects of the Airbrush Flawless line. The new Lip Blur combines powder-blur technology for a smooth, soft-focus look with hydrating hyaluronic acid to plump and prevent dryness—and promises to deliver color that lasts all day.

How to use Charlotte Tilbury Lip Blur

What’s really unique is you can use Lip Blur’s diamond-tip applicator (designed to deliver precise application like a lip brush) to achieve two different looks—blurred or bold—with one lipstick. To get the looks, the brand’s makeup artists give these tips:

For a blurred look

To create a subtle finish, concentrate on applying color in the center of the lip, gently moving outwards. Use your fingertip to lightly press color into the lip, blurring the edges to create a soft, pillowy look.

For a bold look

Glide the applicator smoothly across the lips (don’t blend with your fingers) to deliver a more dialed-up appearance.

What happened when I tried Charlotte Tilbury Lip Blur

Lip Blur has already graced the faces of supermodel (and face of the campaign) Bella Hadid, and models in the Oscar De La Renta pre-spring 2024 lookbook, and now it was my turn.

Charlotte Tilbury’s new app has a Lip Blur Pro Colour Match Tool to find your perfect matches from the line’s eight shades in only seconds. (I received a pink, berry, and red match.) My pink match happened to be the line’s signature Pillow Talk Blur shade (which also comes in a medium tone). I liked the light pop of color and found it just right for a low-key look. My red match of Ruby Blur was just what a scarlet lip color should be—bold, vibrant, and worthy of a Taylor Swift concert.

Pillow Talk Blur

Ruby Blur

Thanks to the angled applicator, I was able to skip the lip liner. The product glides on smoothly, without stickiness, and after a couple of tries, I really got the blur technique down. (Fair warning: the red shade took some effort to get off my fingers.). and it was easy to take the blur look bold just by adding another swipe or two of color. The smooth finish really does last hours without fading, and even after having the lipstick on all day, there was no hint of dryness or caking—if anything my lips felt moisturized.

Lipstick has always been one of my favorite ways to dial things up or down, and I love that Lip Blur lets me do that with one product. Looks like the glosses, tints, and frosts on my counter will have company, because thanks to Lip Blur, matte has finally won a place in my heart—and on my lips.

True Botanicals, SuperSEA Firming & Lifting Treatment — $184.00

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How it works

Founded in 2014 by Hillary Peterson after she was diagnosed with thyroid cancer, True Botanicals is one of the original “clean” skin-care brands that focuses on mindful ingredients before the green beauty craze swept the industry. The brand (which is beloved by celebs like Olivia Wilde, Laura Dern, January Jones, and Lizzo) uses natural or nature-identical ingredients, ones that are hypoallergenic, non-irritating, and can be easily absorbed into the skin via a smaller molecular structure. As it states in the name, this particular product, the Supersea Firming & Lifting Treatment, focuses on the firming of it all—ideal for people like me who are dealing with 40-plus skin concerns, like those dang chest wrinkles.

It contains the brand’s proprietary SuperSEA Biocompatible 3XBlend technology, which is a powerful blend of seaweeds and sea minerals from four of the world’s most nutrient dense marine ecosystems. (I honestly would love to see how they collect this stuff!) This complex delivers hydration to the skin. It also has moisturizing camelina oil, as well as algae oil, which is an Omega-3 powerhouse and helps with elasticity.

True Botanicals is also serious about its clinical trials, and the Supersea Firming & Lifting Treatment showed 92 percent of subjects reporting that their skin looked and felt firmer, tighter, and had more definition, while 100 percent said that their skin looked and felt smoother. All of that sounded good to me!

My honest thoughts

Firstly, I loved the formula. It has a lightweight consistency that falls between a serum or lotion, and a very calming floral scent that isn’t overpowering. Treatment products sometimes tend to smell too chemically, which is a big turnoff for me. But this one smells so nice, I really enjoy applying every day.

As for results? I used the product for almost a full month and definitely noticed a difference in the texture and appearance of my chest. It felt smoother and had less lines. While I do still wake up with wrinkles on my décolletage, thanks to my side-sleeping (ugh), I’ve noticed that the wrinkles disappear a lot quicker than they usually do! I sincerely believe this is because of the SuperSEA treatment, since I haven’t been using any other products in that area.

What everyone else says

I’m not the only one who’s a fan of the treatment. “I really am seeing results! I am 73 years old and I am logical enough to know that I can only expect so much from any product that promises me something, truly I am quite pleased,” one shopper says on the True Botanicals reviews page. “I could see results the next morning. My skin looks much more lifted and hydrated!! This one product is a keeper for me!!” another customer claims.

The downside is the price, as it costs almost $200. True Botanicals is a luxury skincare brand that uses high-quality, science-backed ingredients, so the brand’s products are on the pricier side. So, I’d only use this if you have aging-related skin concerns. But if you wake up with chest wrinkles like me (and raise your fist at the sky in anger, Homer Simpson-style), or need help with loss of elasticity in other skin areas, the True Botanicals Supersea Firming & Lifting Treatment is one that I absolutely recommend.

But when irrational beliefs and thought patterns take hold and obscure this, they can disrupt your life and hold you back from happiness. But by challengingthe irrational beliefs disrupting your life and creating action steps to minimize them, you can defang them, which is the principle behind rational emotive behavior therapy (REBT), a type of cognitive behavioral therapy that operates from the idea that you’re in control of your actions.

What is rational emotive behavior therapy?

REBT was invented by psychologist Albert Ellis, PhD, in the 1950s. “The idea is that you’re trying to get somebody to walk away from an irrational belief and replace it with a less inflammatory belief,” says REBT trained-therapist Antoinette Bonafede, LMSW.

“The idea is that you’re trying to get somebody to walk away from an irrational belief and replace it with a less inflammatory belief.”—Antoinette Bonafede, LMSW

The REBT approach accounts for the fact you don’t know what’s going to happen to you, but is based on the premise that you can control how you respond and how you choose to reason and work through what happens. “The goal is not to never feel angry, or anxious, or sad—it’s to be able to correctly place that feeling so you can respond in a way that best represents how you’re feeling and make it as clear as possible so you can be better understood,” Bonafede says.

How irrational beliefs hinder happiness

Irrational beliefs can hold you back from happiness by not allowing you to see the reality and nuance of a situation. Irrational beliefs also fuel the idea that you don’t play a role in what happens to you—that fear of the unknown and perceived lack of control can be deeply unsettling. According to Bonafede, irrational beliefs can make someone feel as if their emotion is happening outside of them, and that they have no say in the outcome.

In turn, these irrational beliefs can fuel more irrational beliefs. When irrational beliefs turn into obsessive thoughts and rumination, they can be overwhelming and anxiety-inducing. When not properly contextualized, these beliefs can eventually overshadow your goals and keep you from doing what you need to do to live your life in the way you want.

How REBT helps manage irrational beliefs and thoughts

To help clients reorient their irrational beliefs into actions supportive of their goals, therapists who practice REBT follow the ABCDE model of treatment. When she helps clients with irrational thoughts, Bonafede approaches their concerns using this model, which is a step-by-step process to defang the irrational thought. Here are the steps that Bonafede takes when she sees someone about an irrational belief:

A (activating event): Some event, person, or thing triggers an irrational belief. At this step in the process, Bonafede says she works to uncover what exactly caused the irrational belief in the first place. For example, maybe it was a poor review at work from a manager, or a major fight with a loved one.

B (belief forms): At this stage, Bonafede works to decipher which type of common irrational thought pattern (outlined below) the activating event triggers. In the example of a poor review at work, this person may slip into self-deprecating behavior, and think everything they’ve done up to this point in their career has been inconsequential or that they’re not intelligent enough to be good at their job.

C (consequences): This phase is about unpacking the consequences, whether positive or negative, associated with the belief. In this phase, Bonafede says she also examines “what those beliefs then drive them to do.” For example, the recipient of the poor review may think that they will be fired and unable to find another job in their field; because of this, perhaps they’ve decided to stop trying at work entirely, or to lash out at their manager or coworkers in retaliation.

D (dispute idea with evidence): At this point in the process, Bonafede says she disputes the belief to help clients understand why it’s irrational. For example, she says she may ask what evidence they have for the consequence, or ask them how this belief serves them or helps them achieve their goals. During this stage, she says she also works to explore whether the facts that form the belief are accurate.

Back to the poor work review example: A therapist could ask if this person has received critical feedback from their manager before, or if they have been disciplined at work. They may also help their client to see that one less than stellar review doesn’t necessarily mean they’re horrible at their job, or destined to fail in their field.

E (effective behavior): This last stage of the model is about finding a way to turn this irrational belief into a more proportional one. “This is where we work to replace extreme, polarizing, or absolute ideas and statements with more situationally appropriate feelings,” says Bonafede. One way of framing the poor work review could be that person deciding to learn from the feedback they received, and then changing their work habits to be more in line with their manager’s expectations of them.

4 types of irrational beliefs, and how REBT addresses them

Both Bonafede and family and relationship therapist Beth Lewis, LPC, whose approach is deeply rooted in REBT, encounter all sorts of situations in their practices, but these four types of irrational beliefs are particularly common, they say. Read on for what they are, and how a therapist practicing REBT would potentially address each.

1. Demandingness

This irrational belief is when someone believes they have to do something to achieve the outcome they want. Associated with the words “must” and “should,” demandingness is signified by rigid absolutes and may involve someone setting strict rules for themselves.

This can also manifest as a perceived lack of choice. In this case, “our behaviors become a function of pleasing somebody else as opposed of how we’re feeling in these moments,” says Bonafede. For example, an irrational thought rooted in demandingness can go something like this: “I want to be a parent, so I must find a partner by the time I turn 30.” Or, “I’ve been invited to five parties this week, and if I don’t go to them I’ll be a bad friend.”

How REBT helps: Lewis says this is often rooted in some sort of defensive need, often for safety and security provided by something or someone external, so she’d unpack this by helping someone see that they can impact their ability to feel safe and in command. “We have to shift it to look within instead of looking outside of ourselves to seek comfort and safety,” she says.

2. Awfulizing/Catastrophizing

According to Bonafede, awfulizing is all about the worst case scenario. “This is something we cannot imagine getting past, and it really keeps us stuck,” she says. Think: “My partner broke up with me, and now I won’t have an opportunity to be a parent ever and my life is over.”

How REBT helps: Bonafede points out that people are pretty resilient, and that this resiliency helps overcome adversity. To help someone experiencing awfulizing, she says it’s key to provide perspective.

3. Self-deprecating

This type of irrational belief involves tearing yourself down. “This is taking one adverse situation and having it become an overall failure,” says Bonafede. For example: Your partner breaks up with you, and now whenever anyone asks about your love life, you respond by saying you’re just not good at relationships or aren’t “dating material.” 

How REBT helps: Perspective really helps here, too, says Bonafede. To help someone who is dealing with self-deprecating beliefs, it’s key to help them realize that one action is likely not the overall story.

4. Low frustration tolerance

This irrational belief, says Bonafede, is characterized by someone being unable to put up with stressful, upsetting, or frustrating situations. This often involves an outsized reaction to something that you can’t stand or get over, and it may result in thinking you can’t get over the specific adversity you face at all, or that you can’t overcome it without some negative outcome.

According to Lewis, this particular irrational belief pattern often has a lot to do with projecting the traits and aspects you don’t like about yourself onto others. For example: You become extremely angry and throw a tantrum when their computer crashes and they are unable to complete a task.

How REBT helps: The goal here, says Bonafede, is to help someone increase their ability to deal with what’s frustrating them. This can be done by helping someone gain some perspective and by working on coping techniques. To defang this particular kind of irrational belief, Lewis says she would also emphasize turning the focus away from this external force and back to the person experiencing low frustration tolerance.

“I would circle back to what that person believes about themselves to be true, and does the person, behavior, or action they are seeing and ranking as frustrating or intolerable, mirror something they know about themself that they don’t like?” says Lewis. For example, maybe the object of someone’s frustrations is deeply stubborn, and the frustration with them is actually a reflection of the person’s inner feelings about their own stubbornness (perhaps an aspect of their shadow self, parts of their personality they don’t like).

Recognizing and addressing the four irrational beliefs that can hinder happiness is crucial for personal growth and well-being. By applying rational emotive behavior therapy (REBT), individuals can challenge and replace these beliefs with rational and empowering thoughts, leading to healthier emotional responses and improved overall happiness. REBT provides practical techniques and strategies to dispute irrational beliefs, cultivate self-acceptance, and develop resilience, ultimately enabling individuals to lead more fulfilling and content lives.

“The scalp is the foundation for long, healthy, luscious, hair, and using a serum that helps to nourish the scalp can make all the difference,” says Michele Green, MD, a board-certified dermatologist in New York City.

Although I’ve been testing these scalp sprays while my hair is in braids, these are products that can be used on all different styles so long as you don’t mind your hair getting a bit wet. If you’re wearing your hair straight and are worried about texture reverting when wet, apply the spray to your scalp at night and then tie your hair down with a scarf. “This will ensure the hair won’t swell when trying to revert back due to it being compressed by the scarf, leaving your roots nice and straight,” hairstylist Gabrielle Henderson previously told Well+Good.

When looking for the best scalp sprays to incorporate into my routine, I wanted one that strengthens, one that nourishes, and one that cleanses. I’ve scoped out the options and found three that I now can’t live without that you can shop below.

3 scalp sprays to strengthen, nourish, and cleanse your scalp

Nioxin, Ultimate Power Serum — $50.00

In 2018, scientists discovered that your hair follicles have a sense of smell and the smell of sandalwood helps them to anchor into the scalp while increasing their growth phase, leading to longer, stronger strands. So Nioxin partnered with those researchers and put sandalore, a synthetic version of sandalwood, into this power serum. Although my braids aren’t tight, I love using a product that allows my hair to anchor into my scalp, reducing shedding and any tension-related damage.

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Uzima, Usawa Fermented Rice Essence — $45.00

I reach for this mist that nourishes and moisturizes your scalp and strands all. the. time. It’s rich in antioxidants to protect the scalp while rehydrating dry skin, maintaining the scalp microbiome, alleviating itchiness, soothing irritated skin, and strengthening hair roots. For the strands, it improves manageability, maintains moisture, smoothes, detangles, fortifies hair strands, nourishes, hydrates, and restores shine. It smells light and refreshing and feels so so good on my scalp.

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Sunday II Sunday Root Refresh — $31.00

I can’t just go and wash my hair every time I sweat. So when my scalp is in need of a cleansing refesh, I reach for this spray from Sunday II Sunday. It’s a dry shampoo alternative that cleans your scalp with micellar water, which attaches to dirt and sweat and removes them from the scalp, plus apple cider vinegar to lower scalp pH, which minimizes bacterial growth. Plus, it has super-moisturizing glycerin. In all, it leaves my scalp feeling clean and cared for.

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Though Venus doesn’t technically retrograde until near the end of the month, it’s been moving through it’s pre-retrograde shadow (aka when the planet crosses the same degrees of a sign that it’ll eventually retrograde back over) since June 19—which means its energy is already potent. And this is a particularly significant retrograde both because it only happens once every 18 months, and because it’s happening in the heart-centered and highly personal sign of Leo.

While any Venus retrograde invites us to re-evaluate what we value—whether in terms of our relationships, our purchases, our aesthetic, or our pathways to pleasure—this Venus retrograde in Leo will revolve around the Leo-like themes of pride and dignity, artistry and creativity, and celebrity and royalty. Whatever comes up for you could change your conception of love, including the ways you love both yourself and others.

As a way to gain more access into what may arise for you during Venus retrograde, think back to summer 2015. The reason? During that time, Venus was also retrograde in Leo and thus had influence over the same sector of your birth chart. You may now find yourself facing similar terrain and reflecting upon related realms of life. And you could also observe that whatever occurred then is now reaching another phase in its evolution.

With the lunar nodes shifting into Aries and Libra, we’ll have our attention turned to our closest relationships—an emphasis that feels especially resonant amid Venus retrograde.

As we move through the month, love and relationships remains a prominent cosmic theme, as the lunar nodes (points in the sky associated with fate and destiny) switch into Aries (north node) and Libra (south node)—opposite signs that comprise the relationships axis in astrology. While Aries is the sign of the individual and the self, Libra is associated with partnerships and connections with others. And with the nodes highlighting these signs, there’s no doubt we’ll have our attention turned to our closest relationships—an emphasis that feels especially resonant amid Venus retrograde.

How these and other celestial events in July will affect you, in particular, is connected to your personal astrology. Read on for your sun, moon, and rising signs to discover your July 2023 wellness horoscope, and pick up insights to help you navigate it with clarity and confidence.

July 2023 wellness horoscope for every star sign

Aries

Accessing a greater sense of well-being is a major theme this month for you, Aries. The reason? Your planetary ruler Mars enters Virgo and your sixth house of health and wellness on July 10. And then, just a week later, the destiny-oriented north node enters your sign—aka your first house of identity and physical body—where it will reside for the next year and a half. Which is all to say, fiercely dedicating yourself to feeling your very best will become an especially captivating goal.

Wellness tip: Create a list of three health goals focused on the way you want to feel. Choose one that really speaks to you, and then commit to taking one action to reach that aim.

Taurus

Ever since January 2022, you’ve likely been honing exactly what makes you you, Taurus. The reason being, the purpose-driven north node has been roaming through your sign since then. As it prepares to leave your sign and move into Aries on July 17, it seems that the first two-plus weeks of the month could provide you with powerful opportunities to compare and contrast where you were then to where you are now, and then revel in how far you’ve come.

Wellness tip: Take time to journal about any personal evolution you’ve experienced over the last eighteen months.

Gemini

If you like riddles, consider this one, Gemini: What supposedly talks, makes the world go around, and doesn’t grow on trees? Yes, it’s money. And for a potpourri of reasons—your planetary ruler Mercury aligns with the sun in your second house of finances on July 1, and then forms an opposition to intense Pluto on July 10—currency, capital, and coin will likely captivate your conversations and thoughts this month. Remember that while there is (much) more to life than money, having a conscious and positive relationship with your finances can make you more empowered and less stressed.

Wellness tip: Focus on your financial self-care this month, whether by reflecting upon your relationship with money or enhancing your financial literacy.

Cancer

You could really find your voice this month, Cancer. The radiant sun unites with communicative Mercury in your sign on July 1, making it easier to access and speak your truth out loud. This can help you feel more confident navigating any relationship conversations that may arise on the full moon in Capricorn on July 3.

With the new moon in your sign on July 17, you could feel inspired to turn the page on something that you know is now complete. Given that’s also the day that the north node shifts into Aries, highlighting your 10th house of work and reputation, you’d be wise to stay open to a blossoming of new career aspirations.

Wellness tip: If you need some energetic support in speaking your truth and projecting it confidently, consider putting a few drops of Trumpet Vine flower essence in your water bottle each day this month.

Leo

You could crave the spotlight this month, Leo. As ideas-focused Mercury enters your sign on July 11, you may find that you’re drawn to being generative and generous and to accessing even more of your potential for personal pizzazz. That vibe gets even stronger on July 22, when the sun enters Leo (kicking off your season) and love planet Venus stations retrograde in your sign—aka your first house of self and identity.

Wellness tip: If you’re looking to more consciously connect with your sense of inner radiance and more proudly shine your light, consider popping a few drops of Sunflower flower essence on your tongue each day this month.

Virgo

Don’t be surprised if you feel extra feisty on July 10 as warrior Mars enters your sign, Virgo. Consider channeling your instinct for assertion and strong will into a cause about which you feel passionate. As you do, just know that your detective skills (and meter for B.S.) will likely be operating at full capacity given that on the same day, your planetary ruler Mercury opposes intense Pluto.

Speaking of Mercury, it also unites with pleasure-focused Venus on July 27, the day before it moves into your sign, on July 28; mark these days on your calendar as ones on which you’ll discover a new definition of beauty and delight.

Wellness tip: Don’t be afraid to sweat; it’s a great way to release the fiery Mars energy you may be feeling, reducing your stress and helping you avert sweating the small stuff.

Libra

Life is about to shift gears this month for you, Libra. Since January of last year, you’ve been learning a lot about how to get things done, when to collaborate, and when to do things on your own. But on July 17, as the north node moves into your opposite sign of Aries, highlighting your seventh house of relationships, you enter an eighteen-month period during which partnerships of all kinds take on new prominence.

With your planetary ruler Venus also stationing retrograde on July 22, the third week of the month will show you the power of community and how you can gain support through aligning yourself with people who share your values.

Wellness tip: Journal about the ways in which you’d like to show up more powerfully in your relationships and how doing so might prove rewarding.

Scorpio

During the first half of the month, you could have great clarity on the next step you want to take in life and what you need to do—and avoid doing—to get there, Scorpio. That’s because, until July 17, the south node is in your sign (where it’s been for the past year and a half), giving you powerful insights into how to navigate your life.

Things could take a tougher turn mid-way through the month; on July 21, your planetary ruler Pluto opposes the sun, which could leave you facing off with someone whose need to be acknowledged irks you. Before you go too far down the rabbit hole of irritation, see if there’s something about their desire for appreciation that triggers you because it’s actually reflecting an unacknowledged need of your own.

Wellness tip: It’s a great month for decluttering and getting rid of things in your home that no longer serve you.

Sagittarius

Your month could start on a high note, Sagittarius. As July kicks off, your planetary ruler Jupiter forms a supportive sextile to the radiant sun and communication-oriented Mercury. Take advantage of this auspicious alignment by seeing how language can guide you to a deeper understanding of yourself and others. Additionally, you may be able to uncover information that can help you feel more empowered at work.

Just be aware of the potential for conversations to be a bit tense on July 17—given that’s the day that Jupiter makes a tough square with Mercury; even though you may want to quickly move on to the next subject, marshaling some patience to work through any conflicts and find alignment with loved ones will pay off in spades.

Wellness tip: Learning a few key words or phrases from a foreign language could help you connect to new experiences this month.

Capricorn

Given that the July 3 full moon is in your sign, Capricorn, you could feel an extra boost of energy early in the month. Around the time of this lunation, prioritize what you need and how you want to nurture yourself. Not only will this enhance your sense of well-being, but also, it can help you navigate and negotiate an agreement with a friend or partner.

With your planetary ruler Saturn opposing warrior Mars on July 20, watch out for a bit of friction; in particular, someone asserting themselves could rub you the wrong way. But take note: It’s possible that the feelings they stir within you could help point you toward actions you want to take or movements you want to make.

Wellness tip: Movement will do wonders for your spirit and well-being this month. Whether it’s dancing, taking a fitness class, or even just walking around your neighborhood, make sure to regularly be on the move.

Aquarius

As the month begins, let yourself be surprised by a friend, Aquarius. What they say or do may seem out of character—and yet it may be quite reflective of a new stage of growth that they’re moving through.

Later in the month, your traditional planetary ruler, Saturn, makes a tense opposition to action-oriented Mars on July 20. Given that both planets will reside in the sector of your chart that rules over money, take extra care to avoid making impulsive financial decisions. Instead, see how playing the long game can bring you great reward.

Wellness tip: Spend some time reflecting on your personal budget; sure, it’s not the most glamorous activity, but the long-term return from paying just a little more attention to your spending can work wonders for your stress levels.

Pisces

Your creativity could be off the charts this month, Pisces. Both Mercury and the radiant sun make a harmonious trine to Neptune in Pisces (on July 9 and July 20, respectively), inspiring your inner artist. Whether it’s watercolors, photography, decorating, or another activity, dedicate at least part of July to being as artistic as you possibly can.

You might similarly find that your penchant for romance is dialed up this month. Honor any desires you have to weave more romance into your own life, knowing that you can shower yourself with experiences of beauty and pleasure.

Wellness tip: Take yourself on a date. Being able to uncover or cultivate your own interests (whether you’re partnered or not) is a simple way to add more joy into your life.